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“Give Me My Phone Back!”: Why Parent–Teen Phone Fights Miss the Real Problem
If it feels like every other night ends with “Give me my phone back!” you’re not alone. A recent Pew Research Center report found that about 4 in 10 teens and parents (38%) say they argue about phone time, and nearly half of parents admit they spend too much time on their own phones. Executive Function Coach Craig Selinger, M.S., CCC-SLP says those blow-ups often miss the real issue. “If you want behavior change in kids, start with the parent model,” he says. “It starts at the top: kids are watching how you use tech.” He notes that conflict usually shows up in the “in-between” moments — after school, in the car, at breakfast — when a phone becomes an invisible wall between parents and kids. “Those little moments are actually big moments,” Selinger explains. “If you can pull out tech during those kind of banal, whatever moments, that’s when kids start talking to you.” Research shows the stakes go beyond eye-rolling. A 2025 CDC analysis of U.S. teenagers found that higher non-school screen time is linked with irregular sleep, less physical activity, more depression and anxiety symptoms, and weaker social support.(CDC) And yet, many families don’t have clear, consistent rules: Springtide Research Institute’s 2024 survey of 13-year-olds found that only about half say their parents limit screen time, but when limits exist, teens are less likely to be heavy users and report slightly better mental health.(Springtide Research Institute) For Selinger, the takeaway is simple: filters and confiscation can’t replace family systems. What works better: Parents go first. Phones out of bedrooms at night, off the table at meals, and away during key “micro-moments” sends a stronger signal than any lecture. Agree on the rules together. Teens are far more likely to respect boundaries they helped design, for example, “no phones at dinner and after 11 p.m. on school nights” than rules dropped on them mid-argument. Link boundaries to what teens care about. Sleep, sports, grades, mood and friendships are all directly affected by late-night and all-day screen time; making that connection reduces the sense that rules are “random.” Instead of asking “How do I make my teen stop?” Offline.now’s experts encourage parents to ask, “What are we modelling and what shared routines would actually make life better for everyone in the house?” Featured Experts Craig Selinger, M.S., CCC-SLP – Executive Function Coach, CEO of Themba Tutors and child development specialist. He focuses on how phones reshape learning, sleep and family dynamics, and helps families build “digital sunset” routines and mealtime/bedroom rules that stick.
