8 min
Tinsel, Tears, and Turkey: How Seniors Really Feel About the Holidays
Ah, the holidays. That magical season when cinnamon fills the air, grandkids are glued to their phones, and you're wondering if it's too early to spike the eggnog. (Answer: it's 5 o'clock somewhere, and that somewhere is your kitchen.) For many older adults, the season is a cocktail of nostalgia, joy, and melancholy—served in a glass rimmed with memories of when the house was full, and the turkey wasn't store-bought. Dealing With The Ghosts of Christmas Past The holidays used to mean full houses, laughter echoing off the walls, and more food than a Costco freezer aisle. Now? Smaller gatherings, missing faces, and a nagging feeling that you're somehow in the way at your own celebration. There's a certain ache that comes with the holidays as we age. It's not just arthritis—it's memory. The people who made our holidays special might no longer be around, and while their photos still grace the mantle, their absence can hit harder than a fruitcake to the forehead. It's the quiet that gets you. The stillness of a home that used to hum with chaos. The microwave hums where the oven once sang. The Christmas card list has ghosted us—literally—replaced by e-cards that can't be hung on the fridge or hugged. And yet, despite the ache, many seniors keep the traditions alive. They polish the silver, bake the cookies, and set the table—because ritual matters. It's a way to say, I'm still here, and this still matters. Loneliness: The Fear No One Talks About Let's name the holiday elephant in the room. Yes, it turns out that one really is the loneliest number. It's that heavy feeling that sneaks in right around the time commercials start showing perfect families in matching pajamas (who, let's be honest, probably fought about those pajamas in the parking lot). The numbers tell a sobering story: A report by the National Institute on Ageing, finds that as many as 41 per cent of Canadians aged 50 years and older are at risk of social isolation and up to 58 per cent have experienced loneliness before. The holidays often bring additional pressure for many. It's important to note, you don't have to live alone to feel lonely. Seniors often fear being forgotten—left out of the group chat, the dinner invite, or even the conversation at dinner. Some feel like a burden, convinced their presence is more "obligation" than "invitation." That fear of irrelevance can creep up faster than fruitcake at a church bake sale. The internal dialogue doesn't help: "They're busy." "They have their own lives." "I don't want to be a bother." But here's the truth: you're not a bother. You're the keeper of stories, the family's living archive, and—let's face it—the only one who actually knows how to carve a turkey without creating a crime scene. The health stakes are real: According to a 2023 research report from the U.S. Surgeon General, loneliness and social isolation have a profound effect on mortality, equal to smoking 15 cigarettes per day. That’s more impact than obesity or sedentary lifestyles. It's associated with increased risk of heart disease, stroke, dementia, depression, and anxiety. This isn't just about feeling blue; it's about actual health outcomes. When Depression Wears a Santa Hat Holiday depression doesn't always look like tears and tissues. Sometimes it's withdrawing from events, skipping meals, or not bothering to decorate. It's saying "I'm fine" with a smile that doesn't reach your eyes. A prominent research study of seniors in the UK over a 12-year period published in The Lancet, confirms what many seniors experience: loneliness is a significant predictor of depression in older adults. The study found that higher loneliness scores were consistently associated with increased depression severity. The relationship works both ways—people with mental health conditions are more than twice as likely to experience loneliness. It can also show up physically—fatigue, poor sleep, or that vague feeling that something's just... off. The sparkle of the season fades under the weight of grief, change, or just the exhausting pressure to be merry when you're not feeling it. A few sad moments are natural. We all get a little misty when "White Christmas" plays for the 47th time. But if the blues linger past Boxing Day, it might be time for a gentle check-in—with a friend, a doctor, or someone who actually listens (not just nods while scrolling). Remember: asking for help isn't a weakness. It's wisdom. And honestly? It's badass. The Magic of Rituals and Traditions For seniors, traditions aren't just habits—they're anchors. The same decorations, the favorite songs, the "don't touch that, it's Grandma's angel" moment that happens every. Single. Year. Research shows that rituals and traditions provide crucial psychological benefits for older adults, including a sense of stability, purpose, and belonging. They offer structure and comfort during challenging times, helping seniors feel grounded and connected to their roots. Studies have found that maintaining traditions contributes to overall mental well-being and can even reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. These rituals offer stability in a world that keeps changing at warp speed (seriously, when did voice-activated ornaments become a thing?). But when traditions fade—when no one asks for the shortbread recipe or the ornaments stay boxed—it can feel like being erased in real time. So here's the trick: Evolve the traditions. Pass the torch, not the guilt. Let the grandkids lead carols (even if they insist on adding Mariah Carey). Use the good china. Pull out the silverware stored in the wooden case under the china cabinet that hasn't been opened since 1987. Keep the spirit alive, even if it looks different now. How Seniors Can Create a Joyful Holiday (Yes, Really!) Reach Out First: Don't wait for others to make the first move. Call, text, or—even better—show up with cookies. People are often grateful for the invitation but also afraid to impose. Be the one who breaks the ice. Host a Mini Gathering: Even if it's just tea with a neighbor, connection is the best seasoning of all. Bonus: smaller gatherings mean less cleanup and more actual conversation. Volunteer: Nothing lifts the spirit like helping someone else. Food banks, shelters, and local schools welcome extra hands. Plus, it's a great reminder that you're still needed—and you are. Laugh on Purpose: Watch old comedies. Tell those same stories (again). Laughter really is medicine—no prescription, no co-pay required. Decorate Anyway: Even if no one's visiting, do it for you. Light up your space, and your mood might just follow. And if the neighbors think you're overdoing it? Even better. What Families Can Do (Besides Show Up Hungry) Here's your holiday homework, families: Visit More, Scroll Less. You can't hug over FaceTime. And honestly, Grandma's WiFi probably can't handle it anyway. Listen Like It's a Gift. Because it is. Let seniors share their stories without rushing them or checking your phone. They're not just repeating themselves—they're reliving joy. (And yes, you've heard it before. Listen again.) Include Them in the Chaos. Let Grandma wrap presents, Grandpa set the playlist, or Aunt Sue take charge of... okay, maybe not the gravy. But give them a role. Purpose is the best present. Check In Regularly. A quick "thinking of you" text can mean more than an expensive gift. Though, to be fair, both are nice. Respect Their Pace. Big gatherings can be overwhelming. Sometimes small and meaningful beats loud and crowded. Not everyone wants to do the Macarena at Christmas dinner. (Looking at you, Uncle Bob.) Remember: the greatest present you can give an older adult is presence—yours. The Importance of Joy (and How to Find It Again) Joy doesn't always come in grand gestures. Sometimes it's hiding in the small stuff: The smell of pine needles The first snowflake (before it turns into gray slush) That old ornament you swore you'd throw out The laughter of family—even if it's at your expense Joy isn't found lying around like loose change. It's made. Sometimes it's coaxed out with a memory, a song, or a well-timed bad joke about Aunt Sue's lumpy gravy. And if all else fails, remember this: you've survived decades of holidays. Burnt turkeys. Broken ornaments. That unfortunate incident with the glue gun in 2003. You've earned the right to laugh through the tears and dance in your slippers if you damn well feel like it. The Real Gift The holidays remind us that connection—not perfection—is the true magic. For seniors, it's about being seen, heard, and loved. For families, it's about showing up, listening, and laughing together. Because one day, those elders' stories will become yours. And you'll want someone to care enough to hear them, too. So let's make this season count. Let's call more, visit more, and laugh more. Let's honor the past while making new memories. And let's remember that the best traditions aren't the ones that stay the same—they're the ones that adapt, evolve, and keep bringing us together. Now pass the eggnog. The spiked kind. Let's All Sit Under the Mistletoe and Sing the Retired Remix of "Jingle Bells" (To the tune of "Jingle Bells") Dashing through the snow, With a walker all in tow, To the mall we go, Moving nice and slow! Family's out of sight, Texting through the night, Oh, what fun it is to Zoom My grandkids once a night—hey! Chorus: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, Oh, what fun it is to chat With friends who won't delay—hey! Jingle bells, jingle bells, laughter saves the day, Lonely hearts can still feel joy— If love just finds a way. Happy holidays, everyone. May your turkey be moist, your family be present, and your eggnog be strong. Want more insights like this? Subscribe to my free newsletter here, where I share practical strategies, real-world stories, and straight talk about navigating retirement with confidence—not confusion. Plus, all subscribers get exclusive early access to advance chapters from my upcoming book. For Canadians 55+: Get actionable advice on making your home equity work for you, understanding your options, and living retirement on your terms. For Mortgage Brokers and Financial Professionals: Learn how to become the trusted advisor your 55+ clients—it's your opportunity to build lasting relationships in Canada's fastest-growing demographic. Sue Don’t Retire…Re-Wire! References & Resources for You or a Loved One On Loneliness and Social Isolation: U.S. Surgeon General. (2023). Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General's Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community. https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf Medicare FAQ. (2024). Loneliness in Seniors Statistics: Combating Social Isolation. https://www.medicarefaq.com/blog/senior-loneliness-statistics/ Mayo Clinic. (2023). Loneliness and Social Isolation Through the Holidays. https://newsnetwork.mayoclinic.org/discussion/loneliness-and-social-isolation-through-the-holidays/ On Depression and Mental Health: Kok, R.M., & Reynolds, C.F. (2020). The association between loneliness and depressive symptoms among adults aged 50 years and older: A 12-year population-based cohort study. The Lancet Psychiatry. https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanpsy/article/PIIS2215-0366(20)30383-7/fulltext Cigna. (2021). The Loneliness Epidemic Persists: A Post-Pandemic Look at the State of Loneliness Among U.S. Adults. On Traditions and Rituals: Oregon Counseling. Why Traditions Matter to Mental Health. https://oregoncounseling.com/article/why-traditions-matter-to-mental-health/ Care365. Maintaining Traditions with Seniors. https://www.care365.care/resources/maintaining-traditions-with-seniors Additional Support: National Council on Aging. Four Steps to Combat Loneliness in Seniors During the Holidays. https://www.ncoa.org/article/four-steps-to-combat-loneliness-in-seniors-during-the-holiday-and-beyond/ Emergency Services If the situation is urgent or someone is in immediate danger: Call 911. Canada Suicide Prevention Service (CSPS) Call: 1-833-456-4566 (available nationwide, 24/7) Text: 45645 (evenings) Chat: available at 988.ca
