The Secret to Happiness? Feeling Loved.

University of Rochester psychologist explains why connection — not achievement, status, or popularity — is the true engine of happiness.

Feb 11, 2026

1 min

Harry Reis



After more than 50 years studying close relationships, University of Rochester psychologist Harry Reis has reached a deceptively simple conclusion: Happy people feel loved.


That conclusion became the jumping-off point for a new book Reis co-wrote, “How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most” (Harper 2026), which blends decades of research on happiness and human connection.


In it, Reis and his co-author, Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychologist at the University of California, Riverside, outline five research-backed mindsets that strengthen connection: sharing authentically, listening to people, practicing radical curiosity, approaching others with an open heart, and recognizing human complexity.


The book was recently featured in The New York Times, which noted that the authors contend giving and receiving love function together like a seesaw: You lift a person up with the weight of your curiosity and attentiveness — and they do the same in turn.


“The other side is very important also,” Reis told The Times. “To be sharing what’s important to you, to be sharing what you’re concerned about, so it can really become a two-way street.”


Reis, who leads groundbreaking research on close relationships, is available to discuss:


• The science of feeling loved vs. being loved

• How digital distraction undermines connection

• AI companionship and its psychological limits

• Practical ways to build stronger, more resilient relationships

• The link between love, happiness, and health


Journalists writing about love and relationships can contact Reis by clicking on his profile.


Connect with:
Harry Reis

Harry Reis

Professor of Psychology and Dean's Professor in Arts and Sciences

Professor Harry Reis' research interests involve social interaction and close relationships.

Marriage and Close RelationshipsHealth and Psychological Well BeingSocial interactionIntimacyEmotion Regulation
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