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Parents — Stop Trying to Be Your Teen's BFF

Psychologist Judi Smetana explains how balancing warmth with firm boundaries helps adolescents grow without weakening parental influence.

Feb 13, 2026

1 min

Judith Smetana
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As teenagers push for independence, many parents respond by trying to become their friends and confidants.


University of Rochester psychologist Judi Smetana says blurring the line between warmth and authority can backfire.


“It’s great if kids want to disclose to you,” Smetana explains. “But it would be weird for parents to talk about their private lives with their kids. When parents start revealing things about themselves, it’s slippery. Your child should not be your confidant.”


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Smetana, an expert in adolescent development and parent-teen relationships, emphasizes that closeness and trust are essential — but they are not the same as “friendship.” Teenagers need structure, limits, and clear boundaries as they test autonomy. When parents overshare they risk shifting roles in ways that reduce parental influence.


That doesn’t mean parent-child relationships remain rigid forever. The dynamics naturally evolve as children mature into early adulthood.


“Let the child take the lead,” Smetana says. “There may show a willingness to become more like friends when parents don’t have the same authority. But there will still be some boundaries.”


Her research underscores that healthy parent-teen relationships balance openness with guidance. Trust grows not from collapsing boundaries, but from maintaining them with consistency and care.


For reporters covering parenting and adolescent behavior, Smetana is available to discuss:


• Healthy boundaries in parent-teen relationships

• Oversharing and role confusion in families

• Adolescent autonomy and authority

• How parent-child dynamics shift in early adulthood


Click her profile to connect with her.


Connect with:
Judith Smetana

Judith Smetana

Professor of Psychology

Smetana is an expert on adolescent-parent relationships, moral reasoning, and development in cultural contexts.

Adolescent-Parent RelationshipsTeens and Self-EsteemCultural ContextsChildren's Moral and Social ReasoningParenting Beliefs
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