Featured Post from University of Rochester

Valentines Day thoughtfulness has intrinsic rewards, says University of Rochester professor

Feb 1, 2019

1 min

Harry Reis

We’ve all heard that it’s better to give than to receive. When it comes to Valentines Day, there’s empirical evidence to show that being thoughtful to a spouse is rewarding in and of itself.


A 2017 study by University of Rochester Psychology Professor Harry Reis shows that when we show compassion toward our partner—when we put aside personal wishes in order to meet the partner’s needs—it makes us feel better, even if—and this was a surprise—those acts of compassion go unrecognized by the recipient. 


Over the course of 14 days, husbands and wives reported giving and receiving an average of .65 and .59 compassionate acts each day—with husbands perceiving more such acts than did their partners. The acts included such things as changing personal plans for the partner’s sake, doing something that showed the partner was valued, and expressing tenderness for the spouse.


For Reis, the results suggest that acting compassionately may be its own reward, or in this case, its own Valentines gift.


Professor Reis’s research interests involve social interaction and close relationships. He studies the factors that influence the quantity and closeness of social interaction, and the consequences of different patterns of socializing for health and psychological well-being. 

Connect with:
Harry Reis

Harry Reis

Professor of Psychology and Dean's Professor in Arts and Sciences

Professor Harry Reis' research interests involve social interaction and close relationships.

Marriage and Close RelationshipsHealth and Psychological Well BeingSocial interactionIntimacyEmotion Regulation
Powered by

You might also like...

Check out some other posts from University of Rochester

1 min

Parents — Stop Trying to Be Your Teen's BFF

As teenagers push for independence, many parents respond by trying to become their friends and confidants. University of Rochester psychologist Judi Smetana says blurring the line between warmth and authority can backfire. “It’s great if kids want to disclose to you,” Smetana explains. “But it would be weird for parents to talk about their private lives with their kids. When parents start revealing things about themselves, it’s slippery. Your child should not be your confidant.” Smetana, an expert in adolescent development and parent-teen relationships, emphasizes that closeness and trust are essential — but they are not the same as “friendship.” Teenagers need structure, limits, and clear boundaries as they test autonomy. When parents overshare they risk shifting roles in ways that reduce parental influence. That doesn’t mean parent-child relationships remain rigid forever. The dynamics naturally evolve as children mature into early adulthood. “Let the child take the lead,” Smetana says. “There may show a willingness to become more like friends when parents don’t have the same authority. But there will still be some boundaries.” Her research underscores that healthy parent-teen relationships balance openness with guidance. Trust grows not from collapsing boundaries, but from maintaining them with consistency and care. For reporters covering parenting and adolescent behavior, Smetana is available to discuss: • Healthy boundaries in parent-teen relationships • Oversharing and role confusion in families • Adolescent autonomy and authority • How parent-child dynamics shift in early adulthood Click her profile to connect with her.

1 min

The Secret to Happiness? Feeling Loved.

After more than 50 years studying close relationships, University of Rochester psychologist Harry Reis has reached a deceptively simple conclusion: Happy people feel loved. That conclusion became the jumping-off point for a new book Reis co-wrote, “How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most” (Harper 2026), which blends decades of research on happiness and human connection. In it, Reis and his co-author, Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychologist at the University of California, Riverside, outline five research-backed mindsets that strengthen connection: sharing authentically, listening to people, practicing radical curiosity, approaching others with an open heart, and recognizing human complexity. The book was recently featured in The New York Times, which noted that the authors contend giving and receiving love function together like a seesaw: You lift a person up with the weight of your curiosity and attentiveness — and they do the same in turn. “The other side is very important also,” Reis told The Times. “To be sharing what’s important to you, to be sharing what you’re concerned about, so it can really become a two-way street.” Reis, who leads groundbreaking research on close relationships, is available to discuss: • The science of feeling loved vs. being loved • How digital distraction undermines connection • AI companionship and its psychological limits • Practical ways to build stronger, more resilient relationships • The link between love, happiness, and health Journalists writing about love and relationships can contact Reis by clicking on his profile.

2 min

Research Matters: 'Unsinkable' Metal Is Here

What if boats, buoys, and other items designed to float could never be sunk — even when they’re cracked, punctured, or tossed by an angry sea? If you think unsinkable metal sounds like science fiction. Think again. A team of researchers at the University of Rochester led by professor Chunlei Guo has devised a way to make ordinary metal tubes stay afloat no matter how much damage they sustain. The team chemically etches tiny pits into the tubes that trap air, keeping the tubes from getting waterlogged or sinking. Even when these superhydrophobic tubes are submerged, dented, or punctured, the trapped air keeps them buoyant and, in a very literal sense, unsinkable. “We tested them in some really rough environments for weeks at a time and found no degradation to their buoyancy,” says Guo, a professor of physics and optics and a senior scientist at the University of Rochester’s Laboratory for Laser Energetics. “You can poke big holes in them, and we showed that even if you severely damage the tubes with as many holes as you can punch, they still float.” Guo and his team could usher in a new generation of marine tech, from resilient floating platforms and wave-powered generators to ships and offshore structures that can withstand damage that would sink traditional steel. Their research highlights the University of Rochester’s knack for translating physics into practical wonder. For reporters covering materials science, sustainable engineering, ocean tech, or innovative design, Guo is the ideal expert to explain why “unsinkable metal” might be closer to everyday use than you think. To connect with Guo, contact Luke Auburn, director of communications for the Hajim School of Engineering and Applied Sciences, at luke.auburn@rochester.edu.

View all posts
Powered by