Coping with Grief During the Holiday Season

Feb 16, 2024

4 min

Baylor experts suggest three strategies to help cope with grief during the holidays

(Image Credit: D-Keine/Getty Images)

The holidays are typically a time of joy and celebration for most people, but this time of year can be very different for grieving people. The death of a loved one can be especially hard during the holidays as they are full of memories, traditions, and sensations associated with the holidays – all reminders that this year is different, and someone is no longer here. What can someone in the midst of grief do to make this time more positive and step toward emotional healing?

William (Bill) G. Hoy, D.Min, FT., clinical professor and associate director of Medical Humanities, and Candi Cann, Ph.D., associate professor of religion in the Honors College at Baylor, suggest three strategies for grieving people to cope with their loss during the holidays.

“Holidays are also hard in grief because they are built around relationships,” Hoy said. “Family gatherings cannot ever be the same, and, of course, memories of bad relationships cause us to realize the past cannot be changed.”

Acknowledge your pain

The first step is to admit the pain of grieving. “Saying goodbye to a loved one is no easy task, and, undoubtedly, it feels different than you could ever have expected,” said Hoy.

Cann pointed out that some deaths bring about complicated grief if the loss is from a difficult relationship. “It is okay to feel relief in addition to grief and it is important to validate all of your feelings – it’s a complicated grief because it was a complicated relationship.”

Hoy said that culturally people tend to try to get around the pain without facing it, which only makes it harder later on. “There is an empty chair at the table on this special occasion. The grief following a death assault at every turn with the reality that they will not be returning to the table. Because holiday grief is so painful, there is no need to try to escape the pain this holiday season.”

Take care of yourself

Self-care is vital during this time, said Cann. She encourages grieving people to stay active, eat healthy, go outside to be in nature and get enough sleep.

“It’s totally normal to need more sleep when you're depressed and grieving, you just have to be gracious with yourself about that,” she said.

Hoy added, “Remember that grief is very tiring and - even under the best of circumstances - holidays are very taxing.” Give yourself permission to turn down invitations or leave parties early.

In addition to taking care of your physical health, Cann recommends staying engaged in your community or church. “Being in community with others is very beneficial for your mental health.” At the same time, be honest with yourself about what you want to do and only accept invitations or participate in activities that you feel you can handle, said Hoy.

Evaluate traditions and embrace memories

When the holidays arrive, many people want to change everything about the holidays to avoid the sad feelings, said Hoy. Both he and Cann suggest evaluating family traditions, choosing those traditions that are most important to continue and including the dead through new traditions.

“Don't forget to embrace your memories of past holidays and special events as you face this season,” Hoy said. “We cannot have things like they were, but we can hold in our hearts the memories of days gone by. You may want to light a special candle or purchase a special holiday decoration and hang it in your loved one's memory.”

“A lot of people feel like when that person is gone, the love is gone too, but the love is still there,” Cann said. “You wouldn't feel the grief or the big hole that you now have if you didn't have all of this love in the first place.” She suggests embracing their presence by including a place at the table for Christmas dinner, making their favorite recipe or many other ways to continue the bonds and positively remember the dead in your life. By doing these things, “you're including them in your conversation, and you're making space for that person, both literally and symbolically.”

How to support someone who is grieving

Being supportive of someone grieving requires patience and vulnerability. “Engage with the person and ask how you can best support them,” Cann said. “And let them know that you are thinking about them during this time.”

“A lot of people don't want to bring it up because they don't want to make people sad at a joyful time,” Cann said. “But the point is, they already are sad, so bringing it up allows them to express it” and feel accepted in their pain. Hoy said to remember that there is no set timeline for an individual grief journey.

It is also important to remember that not all grief is related to death. There are many types of loss that people experience such as divorce or disease. We can’t decide or predict what defines another person's grief, but we can offer love and support.

Approaching the holidays when experiencing grief over the death of someone or a deep loss may be painful at first, but using these strategies can help us face the future by celebrating with gratitude what we had in the past.

Connect with:

Candi Cann, Ph.D.

Professor, Baylor Interdisciplinary Core

Leading expert on death, dying & grief, diversity in death & the intersection of death & technology around the world

Digital Death and AfterlifeDeath and TechnologyModern Mourning Practices

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Aug 4, 2026

5 min

The ABCs of Joy: How Adversity, Belonging and Curiosity Lead to a Fuller Life

Young people today have more technology, more convenience and more connectivity than any generation before them. Yet many are struggling with anxiety, loneliness and a growing sense of dissatisfaction in their lives. The problem may be that most people have confused happiness with something deeper, and that’s joy, said Baylor University education researcher Jon Eckert, Ed.D. Data published by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention shows that approximately one in two 12th-grade girls is not satisfied with herself, and one in three 12th-grade boys is not satisfied with himself. "We are in a happiness crisis. Kids are pursuing what they think is happiness, but they're doing it through ways that don't actually lead to happiness. Joy is different. It's deeper. It's this sense of enduring love and gratitude for others that will emerge through struggle." - Jon Eckert, Ed.D. Through years of research, Eckert identified what he calls the ABCs of Joy – Adversity, Belonging and Curiosity – finding that adversity builds belonging, and belonging cultivates curiosity. These ABCs of Joy, he said, can help people move beyond circumstantial happiness toward a more meaningful and enduring life. “I work with school leaders from all over the world and find that when people believe joy is durable and grounded in lives lived for and with others, those same people often realize the depth of their struggle determines the peak of their joy,” Eckert said. Adversity In a culture that often treats struggle as something to avoid, Eckert argues that adversity is essential to joy. "A lot of times the most joyful people we know have had really hard lives because life can be hard and joyful," Eckert said. "Oftentimes, the depth of our struggle will determine the peak of our joy." Eckert believes that when parents, teachers and coaches remove every obstacle from a young person's path, they may unintentionally prevent them from experiencing the growth that comes from overcoming challenges. "If we rob kids of the chance to struggle, then we also rob them of the chance to experience that kind of joy," Eckert said. “And I'm very clear, it's not trauma that we want for kids; it's adversity. We want them to do hard things and grow from the experience.” Belonging If adversity is where joy begins, belonging is where it grows. Drawing on flourishing research, Eckert said people may succeed independently, but they cannot truly flourish alone. Belonging is rooted in relationships where people know they are valued and supported. “Belonging is the knowledge that we matter to others, and they matter to us, which is knowledge we gain by going through hard things together,” Eckert said. “We may enjoy the fun-loving, carefree friend, but we need the person who shows up when things are hard.” At a time when much of life has moved online, that truth has become increasingly important. Social media and digital platforms offer constant connectivity, but they often fail to provide the deeper relationships people need. The strongest relationships are often forged through shared challenges, and those relationships not only provide support during difficult times, Eckert said, but also create opportunities for joy. Curiosity Eckert believes belonging and curiosity are closely connected. When people feel secure in who they are and in their relationships, they are more willing to engage those whose experiences, beliefs and backgrounds differ from their own. Because of online algorithms and digital echo chambers, many people limit meaningful engagement with people who hold different perspectives and tend to automatically dismiss those who hold ideas or opinions they disagree with. "We've become incurious as a society,” Eckert said. “How do we allow our joy and our love for others to overcome that incuriosity and seek out others? Those are the people that we should want to engage because that's what makes life more interesting." Curiosity is also essential to learning. While grades, degrees and career goals can motivate behavior, genuine learning begins with a desire to know more. "The only real form of intrinsic motivation for learning is curiosity," Eckert said. “Everything else is just delayed gratification.” Joy is more than happiness Eckert challenges the way many people, especially young people, think about happiness. Social media has fundamentally changed the way many young people evaluate their own lives by encouraging constant comparison with curated versions of others’ experiences. "If your happiness is normative and it's compared to other people, you're always going to lose on this," he said. Ultimately, Eckert believes the path forward is not found in comfort or convenience but in embracing the ABCs of Joy. When adversity is met with belonging and curiosity, young people can discover something far more durable than happiness: a joyful life marked by resilience, meaningful relationships and a deeper understanding of themselves and others. "Joy is not freedom from struggle," he said. "Joy is the fuel that allows us to struggle well.” ABOUT JON ECKERT, ED.D. Jon Eckert, Ed.D., is professor of educational leadership and The Lynda and Robert Copple Endowed Chair for Christians in School Leadership in Baylor University’s Moody School of Education. He leads the Baylor Center for School Leadership, and serves as program director of Baylor’s M.A. in School Leadership and assistant chair of the Department of Educational Leadership. Eckert’s research interests include collective leadership, teaching effectiveness, evaluation and strategic compensation to enhance that effectiveness, and science education. He has conducted research for the U.S. Department of Education, the Carnegie Foundation, the National Network of State Teachers of the Year, the National Institute for Excellence in Teaching and the Center for Teaching Quality, which he has published in numerous peer-reviewed journals and presented around the world. Eckert is the author of several books, including “Just Teaching: Feedback, Engagement, and Well-being for Each Student,” “Leading Together: Teachers and Principals Improving Student Outcomes,” and the soon-to-be-released “The Happiness Crisis: How Adversity Can Build a Resilient and Joyful Next Generation.” More from Jon Eckert, Ed.D. WATCH/LISTEN: Baylor Connections Podcast: Leadership Catalysts: Baylor Center for School Leadership A New Chapter for Educators: Culture of Joy 2026 at Foster Pavilion Looking to know more or arrange an interview? Simply contact: Shelby Cefaratti-Bertin at Shelby_Cefaratti@baylor.edu today.

Aug 4, 2026

4 min

Go Outside and Play: The Benefits of Outdoor Play for All Ages

The simple act of playing outside offers a multitude of interconnected benefits, profoundly enhancing physical, mental and cognitive well-being. Healthy living expert Renée Umstattd Meyer, Ph.D., professor of public health in Baylor University’s Robbins College of Health and Human Sciences, recommends making outdoor play a regular part of your family’s routine, especially during the summertime when kids are out of school and schedules are typically lighter. “Being outdoors is an equalizer, or at least it can be. Nature offers a lot of opportunities, and there are benefits to all types of being outside, whether it be yards, parks or driveways bordered by trees,” Umstattd Meyer said. “Going outdoors does not require a sign-up fee or certain types of equipment; it is just there waiting for visitors.” Umstattd Meyer’s research focuses on promoting health and access to opportunities for healthy living through an active living lens by collaborating to foster healthy and active opportunities and lifestyles for all people. The benefits of simply being outside, she says, increase through the combination of five factors: movement, connection with nature, connection with others, a reset from busy school schedules and a sense of community. Movement Outdoor play gets kids moving, which inspires creativity, critical thinking and exploration. And research bears that out, Umstattd Meyer said, showing that exercise and physical activity, even in relatively shorter bouts, help with concentration, problem-solving, learning and memory. “Being outdoors beckons us to move our bodies, for kids to run, cartwheel, spin and twirl, play chase, build pill-bug houses, chase lightning bugs, start a pick-up game, and for adults, to walk, exercise, play with our kids, pull a few weeds out of a flower bed, plant and tend to a vegetable, herb or flower garden,” she said. Summertime Safety While playing outside comes with numerous benefits, Umstattd Meyer says a few simple steps will help families safely manage higher temperatures, sun exposure and those pesky mosquitoes: Find time for outdoor play during the cooler times of day. Make sure to have plenty of water and shade available. It's okay to take a break! Use sunscreen and mosquito repellent – reapply as needed. Connection with nature Time outdoors offers well-documented physical and mental benefits, increases awareness and can evoke a sense of environmental stewardship, Umstattd Meyer said. “Just being in nature, whatever the nature might be, from a driveway with a little green around it to local parks, offers those same benefits and connection,” she said. Connection with others Spending time outside also helps people reconnect and step away from the number of devices and screens that contribute to feelings of loneliness and isolation. “Outdoor play also allows opportunities for connection with others, from family members and friends to neighbors,” Umstattd Meyer said. “It provides time and space for adults to connect with others as well, to build relationships, familiarity and trust.” Reset from the schedules Summer play can provide a break from the structured routines of the school year, but Umstattd Meyer said that it requires intentionality. “Taking a break from the planned and orchestrated schedules and demands of the school year and associated stressors, along with a break from screens and devices, will actually foster curiosity and creative thought, opportunities for critical analysis and awareness of caring for our natural surroundings and the environment,” she said. Fosters a sense of community Outdoor play not only benefits children’s health and development, but it also creates natural opportunities for families to build connections and strengthen neighborhood relationships, Umstattd Meyer said. “Being outside with our kids gives us the opportunity to say hello and get to know our neighbors,” she said. “It also allows for parents to become more comfortable with their kids being outside while becoming more acquainted with neighbors, to build confidence that their kids are capable of exploring their surroundings and the outdoors.” Umstattd Meyer encourages everyone to find outdoor spaces and engage in play, which can be planned or spontaneous and is freely chosen at any age. “Play is pursued for enjoyment and recreation rather than serving a serious or practical purpose and enhances health, happiness and quality of life,” Umstattd Meyer said. While technology has improved people’s daily lives, it also has contributed to reduced social connection and engagement with the natural world, she said. At the same time, Americans of all ages are experiencing higher levels of stress and anxiety over demands for higher productivity and achievement. “I encourage each of us to create the time to enjoy nature and plan for ways to regularly engage in outside play in a way that allows you to connect with others and physically move your body,” Umstattd Meyer said. National Play Outside Day The first Saturday of every month marks National Play Outside Day, when people of all ages are encouraged to set their screens and devices aside and head outdoors with friends and families to play together, enjoy nature and discover the multiple benefits of play. Looking to know more or arrange an interview? Simply contact: Shelby Cefaratti-Bertin at Shelby_Cefaratti@baylor.edu today.

Aug 4, 2026

4 min

Family Reunion Month: Seven Simple Tips to Begin Recording Your Family’s Oral History

When families gather together for vacations and reunions, they are often regaled with tales about an older relative’s fascinating life story or firsthand experience as an eyewitness to history. So how do you capture and preserve those precious memories? Historians with Baylor University’s renowned Institute for Oral History, home of the national Oral History Association as well as its regional affiliate Texas Oral History Association, have recorded and preserved oral history memoirs of individuals since 1970. Stephen Sloan and Adrienne Cain Darough Stephen Sloan, Ph.D., IOH director, professor of history and executive director of the national OHA, and Adrienne Cain Darough, M.L.S., assistant director and clinical associate professor, share seven simple best practices to help family members begin oral history conversations that enrich recollections of the past. Seven best practices for family oral history conversations 1. Make sure your family member wants their story to be documented or recorded. That's a very important question to ask ahead of time, Cain said. “Many oral historians have run into the spot where, ‘Oh, my grandpa would be great,’ and you get there and it's like, ‘Grandpa does not want to talk to you.’ So first making sure that they want their story recorded.” 2. Determine the type of recording equipment you want to use. Decide if you want to record your interview with an audio recorder or using a video recording device. The Institute for Oral History offers a helpful resource on choosing the right digital recorder for your needs and comfort level. 3. Do some advance research about your family member’s life and their timeline to help you formulate your questions. You can't just put down a recorder in front of someone and say, "Talk." Are there specific things that you want to know? For example, would your family member recall a specific time in their life or a moment in history that affected them? What were they like in high school and what were things they enjoyed doing? Did they serve in the military? “Doing your research to try to form those questions will help you get around what I will say is the reluctance to talk sometimes,” Cain said. “The favorite thing that I love to hear is, ‘Oh, I don't have much to say,’ or ‘I'm not that important.’ And then you sit down with them, and you listen to their stories, and your mind is just blown by the things that they've seen and experienced.” 4. Ask open-ended questions without making any assumptions. With oral history, Sloan said it’s important not to go into the interview with a specific agenda and try to lead anyone to a certain conclusion. “We can do this very subtly by assuming information, but I can't assume that their experience with that topic is X. That could have been very far from how they encountered whatever event that may have been,” Sloan said. “I've got to allow them to relate to me the ways in which they lived these experiences.” 5. Start with the basics, such as “Where are you from?” When Sloan, Cain and their oral history colleagues conduct an interview on any given topic, they generally begin with some life history of the subject, providing important context for historians. “Ask questions early on that are easy for them to answer: a little bit of the backstory, a little bit of where they're from, where they grew up,” Sloan said. “I want to understand the lens through which they experienced events, and the only way I can do that is, who was this? What was formative in their life growing up? Who spoke into who they were? What did they learn? Where did they go? What did they do? Those are the sorts of things that I would be exploring early in the interview.” One of the questions Cain enjoys asking is, “What did you want to be when you grew up?” There is the standard answer, but she notes that there’s often something that happened that may have changed that trajectory. “You want to give them something that's very easy and comfortable to talk about,” Cain said. “What was your favorite subject, just to see if that was something that continued on in their life. If there's a certain hobby or something that you know they're affiliated with, when did you learn about that? Tell me more. What's your interest in this? And then they'll get to talking.” 6. Make sure you are listening, an important facet of gathering oral history. When conducting an oral history interview, you are not only listening for what they're saying, you're also listening for what they're not saying, Cain said. “Are there things that are being skipped around?” Cain said. “For example, sometimes when you're talking to veterans about their combat experience, they need time. There may be some things they have seen and that may be the first time they're reliving or retelling these stories. And you just have to be prepared for that.” 7. Be patient. It might take your subject some time to warm up to the conversation. Patience is a virtue in oral history interviewing. “If you're talking to someone who is 80, 90 or even 100, that's a lot of memories that they have to go through, so patience is important,” Cain said. Oral History Resources LISTEN: Dr. Stephen Sloan and Adrienne Cain Darough join the Baylor Connections Podcast to share more about preserving oral histories while offering tips for individuals seeking to preserve the stories of family or friends. FREE RESOURCES: Baylor’s Institute for Oral History provides free oral history resources on the IOH website. Get best practices on oral history interviewing, project planning and organization, transcribing interviews, protecting and preserving recordings and conducting phone or Zoom oral history interviews. Looking to know more or arrange an interview with the experts? Simply contact: Shelby Cefaratti-Bertin at Shelby_Cefaratti@baylor.edu today.