Featured Post from Retire with Equity

GRANDSPLAINING...It's as Bad as it Sounds!

We need more respectful inter-generational communication

Jan 9, 2025

8 min

Sue Pimento
CaptionResizeWrap TextRemove


Summary:   "Grandsplaining" is a playful term that captures the all-too-familiar situation where younger generations offer unsolicited advice to older family members, often in a manner that is as condescending as it is unhelpful. This behaviour can be perceived as disrespectful and potentially creates awkward communication barriers, emotional strain, and family tension. Rooted in ageist stereotypes, it can even undermine elders' self-esteem. Here, we explore alternatives to grandsplaining, including the radical concepts of genuinely listening, asking open-ended questions, demonstrating empathy, and avoiding assumptions. These suggestions aim to help adult children support their older family members—not merely swoop in with a "fix-it" attitude.



The Disrespectful Impact of Condescending Advice on Seniors


When I helped older Canadians navigate financing their retirements, I often witnessed what can only be described as "grandsplaining in the wild." Conversations between adult children and their elders usually felt less like dialogues and more like lectures—one-sided advice sessions that left everyone gritting their teeth.


The younger relative, likely well-meaning, would offer suggestions like, “You should downsize and buy a condo,” “Sell and rent,” or, the pièce de resistance, “Move in with family!” Judging by the withering looks from their elders, it was clear this approach wasn’t winning any "Favorite Child" awards.


The older family members often felt patronized, as though their decades of life experience had been conveniently forgotten. The advice was condescending, painfully obvious, and usually impractical or unwanted. The dynamic reminded me of the cringeworthy experience of being "mansplained." And that’s when it hit me: this is “grandsplaining.”


Unfortunately, grandsplaining can turn retirement planning conversations into a crash course on how not to communicate! Fortunately, with a little effort (and much less lecturing), families can turn this ship around and build stronger, more respectful relationships.



What is "Grandsplaining"?


In an age where communication flows freely across digital platforms, I define "grandsplaining" as a colloquial expression to describe a situation where younger generations offer unsolicited advice to older individuals, often patronizing or condescendingly.


Grandsplaining typically involves a younger person explaining something to an older individual in a way that belittles their experience or intelligence. The term combines "grand" (suggesting age or status) and "splaining" (a slang term for condescendingly explaining something). While the intention behind such advice may often be well-meaning, the delivery can be patronizing, reinforcing stereotypes about aging and competence.


This behaviour can significantly undermine the dignity and autonomy of seniors, leading to feelings of frustration, resentment, and a sense of being marginalized. Understanding the nuances of grandsplaining sheds light on intergenerational dynamics in these conversations. We must find a better, more respectful, and effective way to communicate with our elders considering retiring.


The phenomenon of grandsplaining can manifest in various contexts, not just financing retirement—whether it’s discussing technology, lifestyle choices, healthcare options, or even social norms. For instance, a grandchild might explain how to use a smartphone app to a grandparent, assuming that the older generation cannot understand it despite their own lifelong experience with technology in different forms.


Communication Breakdown


In an era where financial literacy and retirement planning are more crucial than ever, "grandsplaining" has become a significant barrier to effective communication between generations.

Retirees often feel overwhelmed or dismissed when their relatives provide unsolicited advice, especially if it contradicts their wants or financial strategies. This can lead to a reluctance to engage in discussions about finances, creating a rift that undermines the potential for collaborative planning. When adult children dominate conversations with preconceived notions of financial management, it stifles the opportunity for seniors to express their feelings, share their knowledge, and collaborate on effective retirement strategies.


The Generation Gap in Financial Understanding


Adult children may rely on outdated financial paradigms that no longer apply to their elders' realities. The economic landscape has changed dramatically over the past few decades, with shifts in real estate markets, a lack of formal retirement plans, and longer life expectancies. This generational gap can lead to misguided advice that does not consider modern challenges such as retiring with debt, little or no pension income, or rising living costs.


Emotional Strain and Family Tension


When relatives impose their views, it can evoke frustration, resentment, or inadequacy in their elders. This dynamic can shift the conversation from one focused on financial empowerment to one steeped in emotional conflict and shame. Instead of fostering a supportive environment for discussing retirement goals, grandsplaining can create adversarial relationships where seniors feel belittled or pressured, further complicating an already sensitive topic.


Erosion of Autonomy


When relatives try to impose their methods or strategies, it can undermine the seniors’ independence, making them feel a lack of control over their finances. Financial decisions are deeply personal and often intertwined with individual circumstances, goals, and values. This loss of agency not only affects financial outcomes but can also impact the mental well-being of older adults, leading to feelings of incompetence or anxiety about their financial futures.


The Context of Ageism


The implications of ageism are particularly concerning in a rapidly changing world characterized by technological advancements and unprecedented changes in social norms. While younger generations may genuinely wish to assist their elders in navigating these changes, their actions can reinforce negative stereotypes rather than empower seniors. Grandsplaining highlights the generational divide, creating an "us versus them" mentality that hinders collaboration and mutual understanding.


Grandsplaining is deeply intertwined with ageism, a pervasive societal attitude that discriminates against individuals based on their age. Ageism manifests in various forms, including stereotypes that depict older adults as technologically inept, resistant to change, or incapable of learning. These stereotypes can lead to the marginalization of seniors within families and communities. Not cool!


When younger generations adopt a condescending tone, they inadvertently reinforce ageist stereotypes that portray older adults as out of touch or incapable. This affects individual relationships and perpetuates societal narratives devaluing older individuals' contributions and wisdom.


The Impact on Relationships


Grandsplaining can strain relationships between generations, fostering resentment and conflict. For many seniors, unsolicited advice can infringe on their autonomy, making them feel infantilized or disrespected.


I've seen firsthand how parents can react defensively to younger family members and sometimes withdraw altogether from conversations. When assistance is delivered condescendingly, it can backfire. The resulting tension may prevent meaningful conversations about important topics, such as healthcare decisions or lifestyle changes, which are crucial for seniors' well-being.


The Psychological Impact on Seniors


Being on the receiving end of condescending advice can also lead to diminished self-esteem and increased feelings of inadequacy. Seniors may begin to internalize the belief that they are not capable of making sound decisions or understanding new concepts, which can further exacerbate issues related to aging, such as cognitive decline and depression. 


Encouraging Respectful Communication with Seniors


Addressing the issue of grandsplaining requires a concerted effort from both younger and older generations to cultivate respectful communication. Here are several strategies to foster more positive intergenerational interactions:


1. Actively Listen: Younger people should prioritize active listening when engaging with seniors. This involves hearing what the older person says and validating their experiences and perspectives. Younger people can create a more respectful dialogue by acknowledging their knowledge and expertise.


2. Seek to Understand: Younger generations must approach conversations with empathy. To quote Stephen Covey's wise words, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood."  Recognizing seniors' challenges, such as health issues or technological gaps, can foster a sense of compassion. This approach can help bridge the generational divide and promote more constructive conversations.


3. Avoid Assumptions: The tendency to assume that older adults are out of touch or incapable can lead to grandsplaining. Instead, younger individuals should avoid making assumptions about seniors’ knowledge or abilities. Asking questions like “What do you think about this?” or “How do you feel about that?” can empower seniors to share their insights and experiences.


4. Offer Support, Not Solutions: Ask questions like, “What does a successful retirement look like to you? How do you plan to finance your retirement? Do you want to stay in this home? Are you open to moving? If so, where? Do you have enough in savings? How can I support you in having an independent and dignified retirement”?


5. Understand the Bigger Picture: Don’t assume that the traditional strategies of downsizing, selling, renting, or moving in with family are reasonable solutions for your elder in today’s economic environment. These retirement strategies are problematic for today’s seniors. In most cases, downsizing only works financially if the retiree is willing to move to a smaller, more affordable community. Most seniors want to stay in their communities and not move away from family, friends, churches, or familiar shops and services. Selling, renting, or moving in with family requires the sale of their significant appreciating asset. Given today's longer life expectancies, it's not always a wise choice.


6. Humour:    By skillfully using humour, you can turn potentially patronizing situations into moments of connection and shared joy, ensuring that conversations with elders remain meaningful, respectful and memorable. For example, you could start the conversation this way; "The last thing I want to do is give you advice. That would be ridiculous. You’re the wise sensei here—I’m just the clueless apprentice trying to save enough downpayment to buy a shoebox of a house." This approach humorously flips the script, poking fun at the presumptuousness of unsolicited advice while emphasizing the elder's experience and wisdom.


People often feel judged or vulnerable when discussing finances or significant life changes. Humour shifts the dynamic, showing that you approach the conversation as an ally, not an adversary. For example: "Talking about budgets isn’t fun for anyone—I mean, who loves math? But it’s worth it if we can figure out how to turn this retirement conversation into the fourth of July rather than Labour Day!" This playful approach lowers barriers, making the discussion feel collaborative rather than critical.


Laughter fosters connection. Sharing a laugh creates a sense of camaraderie, making it easier for people to open up about sensitive topics. When elders feel that you’re not judging them but partnering with them—and can make them smile—they’re far more likely to trust your intentions and take your advice seriously. Humour invites the other person to join the conversation, breaking the ice and encouraging them to share their thoughts. It sets a tone that the conversation is a dialogue, not a lecture. Example: "You’ve been making great financial decisions for decades. I’m here to ensure we don’t accidentally end up with a basement full of K-tel Veg-O-Matics… unless that’s the plan?" This allows them to laugh, respond, and engage while respecting their autonomy.


A word of caution.  Humour is only effective when paired with genuine respect and sensitivity. Pay attention to your elder's reactions and adapt if they seem uncomfortable or unamused. The goal is to build rapport, not to win laughs at their expense. Using humour skillfully, you can turn potentially patronizing situations into moments of connection and shared joy, ensuring that conversations with elders are respectful and memorable.



Before You Go


Before You Go

Grandsplaining: the art of lovingly over-explaining to elders as though they’ve been napping since the Great Depression. While it often comes from a place of care, the unintended consequences can include derailed retirement conversations, strained family dinners, and a spike in eye-rolling from grandparents everywhere.


Good financial planning thrives on clear communication, but grandsplaining tends to turn productive discussions into monologues that undermine elder autonomy and trigger emotional static. To create a more harmonious environment, families should swap their megaphones for listening ears and embrace a collaborative approach that respects seniors' wisdom and frames younger relatives’ financial theories as conversation starters, not TED Talks.


After all, when it comes to navigating retirement planning, a little less "know-it-all" and a bit more "let’s figure it out together" can go a long way. Think of it as building a bridge, not a lecture podium—because nothing says "family unity" like tackling compound interest together!


Don't Retire---Re-Wire!


Sue



Connect with:
Sue Pimento

Sue Pimento

Founder | CEO

Focused on financial literacy and retirement strategies. Authoring new book on home equity strategies to help seniors find financial freedom

Pension ReformInterest RatesHome EquityMortgagesReverse Mortgages

You might also like...

Check out some other posts from Retire with Equity

7 min

Life Hacks in Retirement: Strategies for Aging Well

If Jean Smart can star in Hacks at 72, clearly life hacking is age-appropriate. Hacks may be a TV comedy about a sharp-tongued, aging comic, but let’s face it: retirement needs a few hacks of its own. It turns out that aging well requires more than good genes—it demands good strategy. The goal isn’t perfection. It’s progress. Progress with fewer bruises, bigger laughs, and more money left at the end of the month than freezer-burnt chicken. So here are some tried-and-true hacks in three essential areas: Money, Muscle, and Mood. Let's get you hip, fit, and financially free.  Ready, Set, Go! Money Hacks: Japan Might Have Found Something In Japan, there's a charming financial custom called Kuzukai, where men hand over all their income to their wives and receive a monthly allowance. No joke—it's a thing. And it works. Japan boasts: • One of the highest household savings rates at 23% (OECD, 2023) • Low household debt per capita (World Bank) • The lowest personal bankruptcy rate in the developed world (IMF Report) • And a whopping 74% of households follow this practice (Nikkei Asia, 2021) Maybe they’ve discovered the ultimate money hack: give the money to the person most likely to use spreadsheets recreationally. But you don’t need a spouse or a sushi habit to save big. Whether you're solo or shacked up, a homeowner or a renter, here are some effectively universal money-saving tips. Everyday Money-Saving Hacks: • Cut the Hidden Fees: Banking, streaming, delivery apps—if you’re not actively using them, cancel or deactivate. Your wallet will thank you. Read your bank and investment statements carefully, as if they were love letters from your money. That $3 “maintenance fee”? It might be costing you more than you realize. • Unsubscribe to Survive: Subscriptions are like house guests—pleasant at first but staying too long and costing too much. Establish a quarterly ritual—Subscription Audit Sunday. Review auto-renewals—Netflix, meditation apps, fancy sock clubs. If it doesn’t bring you joy or serve your needs weekly, cancel it. You might find enough loose change for a weekend escape. • Shop Daily, Eat Fresh: Instead of over-buying in bulk, buy just what you need for the day. It supports spontaneity and reduces waste. (Bonus: you can honour the “I feel like chicken wings” days guilt-free.). Power Tip: Shop daily, eat fresh. Channel your inner Parisian. Shop just for today—reducing waste, adding joy, and turning dinner into a choice rather than a guilt-ridden freezer excavation. • Use Senior Discounts Like a Boss: Shoppers Drug Mart (55+), Pet Valu (60+), movie theatres, golf, bowling… but only if you ask. Ask proudly: “I dare you, card me.” Mark senior days on your calendar like paydays, because they are. • Split with a Buddy: Share groceries with a friend. Half a BBQ chicken is more realistic (and less greasy) than the whole bird, and it reduces “fridge clutter”! • Ride Together: Share Ubers or Lyft. Or better yet, plan your errands with a friend and make a day of it; it will feel more like an adventure. • Scan for Free Fun: Check local listings for subsidized classes, outdoor concerts, and "pay what you can" events. Even dress rehearsals can be hidden gems at a discount. Money Traps to Avoid: 1. Subscription Creep – Set reminders to cancel trials. They add up faster than your grocery bill in the frozen aisle. 2. Silent Statement Siphons – Monitor your monthly expenses. Cut out what doesn’t bring joy or value. 3. Lifestyle Drift – Just because you can spend, doesn’t mean you should. You don’t need another air fryer. 4. Over-Gifting – Love isn’t measured in Amazon orders. The best gift is your time, or your famous banana bread. 5. Retail Therapy – If it’s cheaper than therapy, it’s probably just a distraction. But that doesn’t mean it’s helpful therapy. 6. Impulse Upgrades – Your current phone may be a few years old—but so are you, and you’re still fabulous. Your toaster doesn’t need Bluetooth, and neither do your socks. Physical Hacks: Train Like You Really Mean It The book ‘Younger Next Year’ (thank you, Bill P. and Steven H.) offers a wake-up call: Life is a test of endurance. Prepare yourself for it.  In retirement, fitness isn’t just a hobby — it’s your new full-time job. And this job offers better hours, no toxic bosses, and a dress code that includes spandex. Fitness Hacks That Work 1. Schedule it: If it’s not on the calendar, it’s not happening. Even better, set a recurring date with a friend. Accountability is appealing. 2. Make it enjoyable: Not feeling spin class? Skip it. Try Zumba, power walking, or even disco gardening. Move as if no one’s watching (even if your neighbour is). 3. Start where you are: Don’t join Advanced Pickleball if your last workout was chasing a runaway dog in 2017. 4. Make It Social: Grab a friend or make new ones—bonus points for post-sweat smoothies and commiseration. 5. Keep Commitments (Especially to Yourself): Be a “serious person,” as Logan Roy would say. If you schedule a walk, show up—even if you’re in Crocs and a hoodie. 6. Track progress, not perfection: Count steps, not pounds. Celebrate consistency. Aim for “better than yesterday,” not “six-pack by September.” Fitness Traps to Avoid: 1. Choosing Something You Hate: If you dread it, you’ll ditch it. Guaranteed. 2. Overestimating Your Ability or Availability: Planning to run a marathon in 30 days after a decade on the couch? That’s... aspirational. 3. Overpaying for Motivation: Fancy gym + guilt ≠ results. Try a budget-friendly gym, or even YouTube workouts in your living room. 4. Ignoring Recovery: If you can’t walk after leg day, you’re doing it wrong—stretch, hydrate, nap. Repeat. 5. All-or-Nothing Thinking: Missing one workout doesn’t mean the week’s a write-off. Perfection is the enemy of progress. 6. Comparing Yourself to 30-Year-Olds on Instagram: Just… don’t. Unless you want to feel bad in high def. 7. Try "Fitness Snacking" Squats while the kettle boils. Do wall push-ups before brushing your teeth. Have a dance break during Jeopardy. Movement matters. 8. Stretch Before Bed Nightly stretches improve sleep and help you wake up feeling refreshed. It’s five minutes that pay dividends. Emotional Hacks: Mindset Is Your Muscle This is the part they don’t teach in school—or even in yoga class. Emotional health is what sustains you when the stock market tanks, your golf swing falters, or the kids “forget” to call. Emotional Hacks to Try 1. Upgrade Your Self-Talk: You hear your voice more than anyone else’s. Make it kind. Make it constructive. 2. Be Your Own Biggest Fan: Self-love isn’t arrogance. It’s survival. 3. Treat Yourself Like a Dear Friend: Would you tell your best friend she’s lazy, useless, and past her prime? No? Then stop saying it to yourself. 4. Forgiveness: Begin with yourself. Write that forgiveness letter, see a therapist, cry it out. Let go. No one leaves here flawless. 5. Basic Self-Care: Feed your body with wholesome food, ensure proper rest, and maintain regular grooming. Yes, plucking your chin counts. 6. Gratitude: morning and night. Focus on one thing you’re grateful for each day. It’s better than Botox. 7. Practice "Mental Hygiene" meditation, journaling, or a walk without your phone. It's like flossing for your nervous system. 8. Try Five-Minute Journaling: “What made me smile today?” “What felt hard?” “What do I want more of tomorrow?” Answer honestly—no grammar police. Emotional Traps to Avoid 1. Negative Self-Talk: There is zero upside. Science backs this up—positive self-talk improves performance and wellbeing. Try this: “Today wasn’t my best. I was tired and snappy. I’ll apologize and do better tomorrow.” or “I know I can do this. I need to practice and be patient with myself.” 2. Not Making Yourself a Priority: The oxygen mask rule is absolute. If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t help anyone else. 3. Self-Medicating with Booze, Bingeing, or Buying: Feel the feelings. Don’t dodge them with Chardonnay or Amazon. 4. Righteousness Addiction: Would you rather be right or be happy? Being “right” is expensive—emotionally, physically, and energetically. 5. All-or-Nothing Perfectionism: Perfection is a myth—and frankly, a boring one. Flaws are where the fun and growth live. 6. Regret. Let’s face it, regrets are a part of life. The trick is not to dwell on them. Don’t store them in Samsonite to pull out whenever we want to beat ourselves up! Ever notice that the windshield on your car is much bigger than the rearview mirror? Read that again. The Social Capital Audit You are more than your RRSP and Fitbit stats. What do you bring to the table? Your kindness? Humour? Lived wisdom? A killer lemon loaf? Whatever it is—own it. Hone it. Make it your signature. Whether you’re the neighbourhood listener, laughter-bringer, or human glue-stick, your contribution matters. What Are You Proud Of… and Is It Still Serving You? Maybe once upon a time, you were known for your hair, your legs, your singing voice, or your abs of yesteryear. But here's the truth: gravity always wins. And that’s not failure—it’s biology. So if you’re still starting sentences with “Back in my day…”, you might be overdue for a mindset update. Choose something new to feel proud of now: your resilience, your sense of humour, your garden, or your ability to FaceTime your grandkid without accidentally hanging up.  Adjust the metric. Celebrate the upgrade. Some Mantras for the Journey • “Done is better than perfect.” • “I am doing the best I can, and that’s enough.” • “Every day is a fresh start (even if my back cracks getting out of bed).” • “Progress, not perfection.” • “I am not too old, and it’s not too late.” • “If not now… when?” • “Stop acting my age.” The Final Hack: Don’t Just Celebrate – Throw Confetti Practice makes progress. And progress, my friends, is where the magic lives. Every step matters. Every stumble adds a twist. Perfection is overrated. Progress is the new gold standard. And as Mel Robbins reminds us: “There will be many people who won’t appreciate your value. Make sure you’re not one of them.” You’ve spent your life caring for others. Now it’s your turn to care for yourself—thoughtfully, warmly, and with plenty of good humour.  Retirement isn’t the end. It’s the ultimate reboot. Be the Jean Smart of your own story. Jean, watch your back... and Kuzukai, watch our money. Star power meets allowance power. Don’t Retire…Re-Wire! Sue

9 min

Inflation: It’s Not Just for Prices Anymore

Lately, headlines are full of talk about inflation — a response to the economy and the looming tariffs. I’ve experienced many inflationary periods, but it feels different in retirement. When I was earning a paycheque, inflation was just an annoyance, something I needed to pay attention to and maybe buy a cheaper cut of steak. Now, as someone on a “fixed income,” it feels like a real threat. Recently, Ben McCabe, CEO of Bloom Financial, appeared on Breakfast Television and delivered a truth bomb: “We’re approaching a perfect storm. Longer life expectancy, fewer defined benefit pensions, and rising inflation.”  Well, that storm has arrived — and it’s inflating more than just prices. It’s also expanding our waistlines, prescription lists, and emotional baggage. Inflation, at its core, means “the condition of being inflated.” And it turns out that definition applies to more than the grocery bill. So, grab a cup of green tea (or a celery stick if you’re feeling virtuous). Let’s explore the three sneaky forms of inflation threatening your retirement — and what you can do about them. This blog will appeal to individuals who have retired or aspire to retire in the future. Let’s light this candle! 1. Financial Inflation: The Usual Suspect Let’s start with the obvious: inflation means your money won’t stretch as far as it used to. In 2022, Canada’s Consumer Price Index increased by 6.8% — the highest rise in 40 years. Although it slowed down a bit in 2023, essentials such as food, rent, and fuel continue to grow. Your retirement income might be fixed, but prices definitely aren’t. Retirement Risks from Financial Inflation: • Longer lives mean longer bills. A 65-year-old woman today has a 50% chance of living past 90 years old. That’s over 25 years of expenses. • Vanishing pensions. Defined benefit pensions are disappearing faster than good manners on Twitter. • Healthcare creep. Public healthcare doesn’t cover everything, especially if you want care that wasn’t designed in 1978. As Ben McCabe aptly put it:  “We need to stay healthy so our health span matches our lifespan,” huh?— “otherwise, inflation will affect us through the cost of medications, home care, and long-term care facilities.” What You Can Do: • Review your income sources. Prioritize indexed income sources, such as CPP, OAS, and annuities with COLA (Cost of Living Adjustment) riders. • Use home equity sensibly. If you’re house-rich but cash-poor, consider a reverse mortgage or other equity release products. • Adjust your spending habits. Host themed nights, like “Tuna Tuesdays” — a nostalgic, fun, and budget-friendly option. How to Support Others: • Discuss money matters with kindness. Many retirees feel ashamed of their finances. Show compassion, listen more, talk less. • Bring food, not judgment. A regular Saturday brunch with Sadie can make a significant difference, not just financially. • Foster social connections. Financial stress can cause isolation. Encourage hosting potlucks, card nights, or joining a community group. 2. Physical Inflation: The Expanding Middle Retirement brings more free time… and more room. Waistlines, cholesterol, and prescriptions all seem to rise in tandem. Signs you’re experiencing physical inflation: • Pants that used to be snug are now aspirational • Your Fitbit died months ago — and so did your motivation • Your pharmacy knows you by name... and birthday The bad news? Poor physical health is expensive. Chronic illness can deplete savings faster than a grandchild with your credit card. What You Can Do: • Keep moving. Walk, garden, spin — whatever gets you vertical and vibrant. • Lift weights. Muscle mass starts declining at 40. Resistance training isn’t just for 20-somethings. Strong is the new sexy, pass it on! • Meal plan smart. Grocery inflation peaked at 8.9% — eat better, waste less, save more. Consider shopping daily and buying only the amount of food needed for that day. Your health span should align with your lifespan. Stay strong, stay mobile, and yes, stretching counts — but not if you’re reaching for the TV remote. Inflammation — The Silent Saboteur If inflation is bad, inflammation is worse. Chronic inflammation contributes to: • Heart disease and stroke • Type 2 diabetes • Alzheimer’s disease and brain fog • Arthritis, osteoporosis, and varicose veins • Mood disorders such as anxiety and depression • Certain Cancers Even CNN and Al Jazeera recently reported that Donald Trump was diagnosed with chronic venous insufficiency (CVI) — a common, often overlooked condition among those over 55. Small veins, big problem. (Insert your own “tiny vein, tiny…” joke — I’m staying classy.) Inflammation is the unwelcome guest that never departs. If inflammation had a personality, it would be the dinner guest who drinks all your wine, insults your cat, and brings up politics at dessert. Whether it's fueling joint pain, causing swelling in your ankles, or messing with your metabolism, chronic inflammation is one of the biggest saboteurs of aging gracefully. It often hides in plain sight, presenting itself as: • Low-grade fatigue • Weight gain (especially belly fat) • Mood swings or brain fog • Increased pain and stiffness • Slow healing. What You Can Do: • Eat anti-inflammatory foods, such as leafy greens, whole grains, and healthy fats. Cut out the sugar. • Move each day. Yes, again. It’s that important. • Lower stress to improve sleep. Stress and poor sleep fuel inflammation. • Maintain social and emotional bonds. Loneliness and inflammation are frequently connected — break the link. De-Inflation — The Great Slowdown • So, we’ve discussed inflation... but what about its quieter, sneakier cousin: deflation? • No, not the economic kind. We’re talking about the physical “poof” that occurs when we reach our late 70s and 80s — when the padding diminishes, posture declines, and everything else… well, just seems a little less buoyant. • Suddenly, you’re shrinking. Your weight drops — but not in a sexy, "I’ve been intermittent fasting" kind of way. More like "my pants are falling down and my doctor says I’m 2 inches shorter" sort of vibe. Welcome to the gravitational pull of aging. Signs of De-Inflation: • Pants fit strangely, but not in a bragging way • You’re hunched over as if you’re forever bowing to the Queen • Your arms and legs have that crepey, crinkly look — like tissue paper with a gym membership • And let’s not forget the wrinkles on your face — a stunning topographical map of your life Let’s be honest: gravity always wins. Biology always wins. And yes, our skin thins — insert your own joke about being “thin-skinned” here. But we are not entirely powerless. Here’s How to Push Back (Gently — you don’t want to break a hip): • Check your posture monthly. Have a friend take a quick side photo. Are you upright and confident — or resembling a question mark? • Stretch regularly. Yoga, fascia stretching, and massage can help combat the hunch. • Move intentionally. Gentle strength training and balance exercises can maintain muscle and stability. • Moisturize and hydrate. For your skin, your joints, and your soul. • Celebrate your lines. They’re not “flaws” — they’re proof you’ve felt joy, sorrow, surprise, and a few good martinis. They’re not signs of aging; they’re signs you’ve been living. Remember: frowning only causes more wrinkles. So, smile — or better yet, laugh. Loudly. Often. Preferably at inappropriate moments. Oh — and take my advice on this: never (and I mean never) open your eyes during downward-facing dog. Some things just can’t be unseen. 3. Emotional Inflation: When Grudges Accumulate Like Interest Here’s the sneaky one. Emotional inflation appears as: • Bitterness over who got what in Mom’s will • Inflated egos and “right-titis” (a chronic need to be right) • Replaying 1983 arguments in your head like they’re Oscar contenders. • Giving not-so-nice nicknames to your former coworkers (and using them… publicly) • Keeping a mental spreadsheet of injustices — now colour-coded for quick reference (who says seniors are not tech-savvy?) Here’s the thing: emotional inflation isn’t just about what others have done. It’s also about how we interpret our role in those stories. Ready for a bold idea that can free you from decades of emotional baggage? What if we stopped keeping score and instead focused on how we want to show up in our relationships? What if you chose, intentionally, to be a generous sister, a supportive friend, a gracious parent, or a collaborative co-worker — not because they "deserve it," but because that's who you want to be? It’s not easy. It may require deep breathing and the occasional muttering in the car. However, for those willing, this mental reframe can be a total game-changer. What to do: • Let go. You can’t carry joy and a grudge at the same time — and joy is lighter. Lighten the emotional load. You don’t need to wait for someone to say sorry to feel free. • Choose your character. Think of it as casting yourself in the movie of your life. Be the wise one, the peacemaker, the person who breaks the cycle, not the one still angry about a forgotten birthday in 1996. • Write your own story. Present yourself as the person you want to be, even if others haven’t read the same script. You can’t control other people, but you can control how much space they occupy in your mind (especially if they’re not even paying for snacks). • Reframe your perspective. Instead of keeping score, focus on who you want to be: a generous sibling, a gracious friend, or a person at peace. Let go of the scorekeeping. It rarely results in a tie, and even if you win… You still feel empty. • Define your role. Be the big-hearted sibling, the calm presence, the one who lets go, not the person who stores bitterness in Tupperware containers. • Invest in joy. Dance classes, martinis, laughter — choose your remedy. • Talk it out. Therapy is more affordable than wine-fuelled Facebook rants and far more effective. Take the high road. There’s less traffic and better scenery. You can’t always avoid emotional hurt, but you can avoid living in a constant state of emotional inflation. And trust me, nothing deflates retirement faster than a bloated list of resentments. And if you’re feeling weighed down by the bloat of what life has thrown at you, remember: you can’t control inflation, but you can choose your response. Choose grace over grudges. Choose strength over stagnation. Choose the version of yourself that makes you proud. Because guess what? You’re still becoming who you are. Trust me — it’s better than a juice cleanse and more affordable than therapy. Some people age like fine wine; others age like vinegar. Emotional inflation is the burden you carry that doesn't show on the scale, but it weighs everything down. You can’t rewrite someone else’s story, but you can decide how to present yourself in your own. Taking the high road is less crowded and provides better perspectives. Inflation May Be Inevitable — But Misery? That’s Optional. Inflation has seeped into our lives like glitter at a craft table — impossible to contain and popping up in the most unexpected spots. It’s not just your budget that’s swollen (thanks to blueberries and Botox), but also your belly, your prescription drawer, and — if you’re not careful — your resentment list. But here’s the good news:  While you can’t control how high prices go, how slow your metabolism becomes, or how long Uncle Jerry holds a grudge… You can control your response.  So, here’s your call to calm, intentional, fabulous action: 1. Reclaim your power — in your spending, your body, and your mindset. 2. Choose curiosity instead of crankiness. Move more instead of staying still. Salad rather than salt (well… sometimes). 3. Be the kind of person who ages like disco — a little dramatic, slightly sparkly, and always ready to dance. And if you absolutely must inflate something… make it your sense of humour. Because in the grand game of Retirement Inflation Nation, laughter is your best hedge — and it’s fully indexed to joy. Oh — and if you're wondering whether I practice what I preach: I'm a certified fitness instructor and teach 5 jam-packed fitness classes a week at Canada’s largest gym. Movement isn’t just medicine — it’s music, community, and yes, a fabulous way to earn the right to your next martini. So, take it from someone still riding the rhythm of life — gravity is real, but so is joy. And we’re still dancing under the stars. (Here’s proof from the Coldplay concert — yes, I was the one yelling “Fix You” with both hands in the air and not a single regret.) Keep inflating the things that matter: your laugh lines, your playlist, and your purpose. With love, lunges, and a little glitter, Sue Don’t Retire... Rewire!

6 min

Ringo Starr Just Turned 85

Yes, Ringo Starr just turned 85. Let that sink in. I read this in the Washington Post and felt like a bag of Beatles vinyl had walloped me. How is this possible? How can the mop-top drummer be 85 when I was dancing to “Yellow Submarine” in bell-bottoms with a brush for a microphone? More urgently: how old does this make me?! Ringo isn’t slowing down. He’s still touring with two bands, making music, flashing that cheeky Liverpudlian smile, and preaching peace and love as if he’s got nowhere else to be. No plans to retire. No plans to fade away. Just a rockstar with a great attitude... and maybe a titanium hip (unconfirmed). This made me realize that, as the birthday candles on my cake now need a fire permit, “attitude” plays a huge role in how we age. Based on the feedback I received from my last post, “What’s Your Brand, Boomer?”, it’s clear that many people are genuinely interested in managing their personal brand as they age. This week, I want to go deeper—because whether you’re 45 or 85, you are Old People in Training. That’s right. Every one of us is aging in real-time, and understanding the stages ahead—either for ourselves or our aging loved ones—helps us walk this path with humour, grace, and fewer surprises. So, here they are: The 8 (Unofficial but Uncannily Accurate) Stages of Aging 1. The Stand-Up-and-Forget-Why Stage (Kicks in around mid-to-late 50s) You walk into a room with purpose, then wonder: was I here to fold laundry, pay a bill, or practice my slow blink? Bonus points if you’re already wearing the glasses you’re hunting for. How it helps: Eases forgetfulness. It’s not early dementia; it’s early distraction. Keep a notebook or use Voice Memos. Or do what I do: shrug, laugh, and keep walking until something jogs the memory (usually coffee). 2. The “Senior? Not Unless There’s a Discount” Stage (Hits in your early 60s) You bristle at the word “senior,” unless it saves you $2.50 at the movies or 15% at Shoppers. Suddenly, age becomes a tool, not a label. How it helps: Celebrate the advantages! You’ve earned them. And remember: owning your age is the new anti-aging remedy. Confidence looks good on everyone. Remember, you are still that age, whether you admit it or not. You might as well save some money! 3. The “Yes, I Really Am That Age” Reminder Stage (Kicks in around 65) You find yourself saying your age out loud like it’s a riddle. "I’m 65. Sixty-five! Isn’t that wild?" You’re still trying to catch up with the numbers, or maybe you’re worried you’ll forget your age. How it helps: Accept the number without letting it define you. It’s not a limit — it’s a launchpad. Bonus: Use it as an excuse to do something you’ve always put off. 4. The Replacement Parts Stage (Hits in the early to mid-70s) Welcome to orthopedic roulette: knees, hips, maybe a shoulder. You collect joint replacements like frequent-flyer miles. Fortunately, modern medicine allows for joint replacements to be performed more quickly than ordering takeout. Still waiting for Staples to offer 3D-printed hips. How it helps: Embrace science instead of fighting it. Biology always prevails! Mobility equals independence. And nothing embodies “active aging” like beating your grandkids at pickleball with a shiny new titanium knee. 5. The “I’ve Run Out of F*cks to Give” Stage (Kicked in the late 70s into the early 80’s) You’ve earned the right to speak your mind—and wear socks with sandals. You say what you want, mean what you say, and anyone who doesn’t like it can take a number. Opinions? Too many! Filters? Deleted. Freedom? Glorious. Friends? Running for cover! How it helps: This is peak freedom. Use it wisely. Advocate, participate, mentor, and model what unapologetic living looks like. You’re the elder statesperson now—be bold, not bitter. 6. The Cataract Conspiracy Stage (Kicks in mid-to-late 70s) Lights appear like halos, and reading menus becomes an Olympic event. But don’t worry—cataract surgery is so common it’s practically an oil change. And voilà: brighter colours, more precise lines, less squinting. Spoiler Alert: You will now be able to see how poor your housekeeping skills are! How it helps: Get your eyes checked. Don’t delay. Seeing clearly again can literally brighten your outlook—and maybe even your attitude. 7. The “Say What?” Stage – The Hard-of-Hearing Stage (Late 70’s+) This one sneaks up like a whisper… which is ironic, because you probably won’t hear it. At some point, for most of us, hearing begins to decline like old payphones and eight-track tapes. It might start with missing parts of conversations in noisy restaurants or asking people to repeat themselves (just once… or five times). Eventually, it’s full-blown “Say what?” territory. Many avoid wearing hearing aids because—let’s face it—they feel like a flashing neon sign that says, "I’m old!" But here’s the real issue: pretending to hear is much worse. It can lead to social withdrawal, isolation, and even strained relationships. And we’re not just making this up for dramatic effect—studies at John Hopkins School of Medicine show that untreated hearing loss is linked to a higher risk of dementia, depression, and cognitive decline.   There’s also the loud TV effect—when your neighbours across the street can hear your Netflix queue, it’s time to see an audiologist, not to mention the safety concern: driving with impaired hearing is risky; sirens, honking horns, or even a warning from a passenger might go unnoticed. So, if your “What?” count is rising and your TV volume is climbing towards aircraft-engine decibels, take action. Getting your hearing tested doesn’t mean you’re old—it means you’re informed (and honestly, more enjoyable to be around).  Because nothing celebrates “vibrant aging” more than staying connected to the world—and actually hearing it. Stage 8: The Long Goodbye – When Friends Start to Leave the Stage I’ve heard from seniors about Stage 8… and without exception, they say it’s one of the toughest parts of aging.  This is the stage when the long goodbye starts—quietly at first, then with increasingly frequent moments. Your phone rings less often. The chairs at the coffee group gradually empty. One day, you realize you’re not just losing friends—you’re outliving them. It’s part of the circle of life, for sure—but no Lion King soundtrack can ease the heartbreak. This stage exposes some of our deepest fears: Will I be next? Who will mourn me? Does anyone even know I’m still here? It’s a time of grief, loneliness, and silent despair. And while you can’t fast-forward through it, you don’t have to walk it alone. If you’re an “Old Person in Training” (which, reminder: we all are), listen up. This stage isn’t just something that happens to others—it’s your future self, waving from down the road. Learning about it now prepares you to guide others through it with grace and to soften your own landing when the time arrives. And if someone you love is already there? This is your cue. Show up. Don’t wait to be invited—grief rarely sends formal RSVPs.  Phrases or clichés like “they’re in a better place” won’t suffice here. These are nothing burgers—all bun, no meat—empty calories in a moment that needs nourishment. Show up. Stay steady. Be the evidence that they are still recognized, still cared for, still part of something meaningful.  What they truly need is presence, not presents. Time, not timelines. They need to feel they are not alone. Sit with them. Walk with them. Watch Jeopardy in silence if that’s what the day calls for. But whatever you do, don’t disappear. Because one of the most profound gifts we can give in this stage isn’t a cure—it’s companionship. Science Confirms It: Attitude Is a Lifespan Strategy Tongue-in-cheek aside, these aging observations are backed by science: Positive beliefs about aging can extend life by 7–8.5 years. (Source: PubMed – Levy et al.) Optimism correlates with lower heart disease, stroke, and a 70% greater likelihood of reaching age 85.  (Source: Harvard Health) Positive mindset boosts recovery, brain health, and resilience after illness.  (Source: Harvard Health) So, what can we learn from Ringo? Keep creating – Music, art, businesses, bad poetry. It keeps the brain limber and the soul alight. Stay curious – Sign up for that course. Take the trip. Ask questions. Enrol in the MBA. (Looking at you, 69-year-old rockstars.) Lean into joy – Laugh like nobody’s judging. Dance like your knees aren’t watching. Surround yourself with good vibes – Optimism costs nothing and glows brighter than Botox. Remember, it’s not your age—it’s your outlook. So next time you stand up and forget why you did, just grin and say: ‘I’m aging like a Beatle. Still standing. Still grooving. Still fabulous.” And if you ever need a pep talk, ask yourself:  “What would Ringo do?” Don’t’ Retire Re-wire Sue

View all posts
Powered by