GRANDSPLAINING...It's as Bad as it Sounds!

We need more respectful inter-generational communication

Jan 9, 2025

8 min

Summary: "Grandsplaining" is a playful term that captures the all-too-familiar situation where younger generations offer unsolicited advice to older family members, often in a manner that is as condescending as it is unhelpful. This behaviour can be perceived as disrespectful and potentially creates awkward communication barriers, emotional strain, and family tension. Rooted in ageist stereotypes, it can even undermine elders' self-esteem. Here, we explore alternatives to grandsplaining, including the radical concepts of genuinely listening, asking open-ended questions, demonstrating empathy, and avoiding assumptions. These suggestions aim to help adult children support their older family members—not merely swoop in with a "fix-it" attitude.

The Disrespectful Impact of Condescending Advice on Seniors

When I helped older Canadians navigate financing their retirements, I often witnessed what can only be described as "grandsplaining in the wild." Conversations between adult children and their elders usually felt less like dialogues and more like lectures—one-sided advice sessions that left everyone gritting their teeth.

The younger relative, likely well-meaning, would offer suggestions like, “You should downsize and buy a condo,” “Sell and rent,” or, the pièce de resistance, “Move in with family!” Judging by the withering looks from their elders, it was clear this approach wasn’t winning any "Favorite Child" awards.

The older family members often felt patronized, as though their decades of life experience had been conveniently forgotten. The advice was condescending, painfully obvious, and usually impractical or unwanted. The dynamic reminded me of the cringeworthy experience of being "mansplained." And that’s when it hit me: this is “grandsplaining.”

Unfortunately, grandsplaining can turn retirement planning conversations into a crash course on how not to communicate! Fortunately, with a little effort (and much less lecturing), families can turn this ship around and build stronger, more respectful relationships.

What is "Grandsplaining"?

In an age where communication flows freely across digital platforms, I define "grandsplaining" as a colloquial expression to describe a situation where younger generations offer unsolicited advice to older individuals, often patronizing or condescendingly.

Grandsplaining typically involves a younger person explaining something to an older individual in a way that belittles their experience or intelligence. The term combines "grand" (suggesting age or status) and "splaining" (a slang term for condescendingly explaining something). While the intention behind such advice may often be well-meaning, the delivery can be patronizing, reinforcing stereotypes about aging and competence.

This behaviour can significantly undermine the dignity and autonomy of seniors, leading to feelings of frustration, resentment, and a sense of being marginalized. Understanding the nuances of grandsplaining sheds light on intergenerational dynamics in these conversations. We must find a better, more respectful, and effective way to communicate with our elders considering retiring.

The phenomenon of grandsplaining can manifest in various contexts, not just financing retirement—whether it’s discussing technology, lifestyle choices, healthcare options, or even social norms. For instance, a grandchild might explain how to use a smartphone app to a grandparent, assuming that the older generation cannot understand it despite their own lifelong experience with technology in different forms.

Communication Breakdown

In an era where financial literacy and retirement planning are more crucial than ever, "grandsplaining" has become a significant barrier to effective communication between generations.

Retirees often feel overwhelmed or dismissed when their relatives provide unsolicited advice, especially if it contradicts their wants or financial strategies. This can lead to a reluctance to engage in discussions about finances, creating a rift that undermines the potential for collaborative planning. When adult children dominate conversations with preconceived notions of financial management, it stifles the opportunity for seniors to express their feelings, share their knowledge, and collaborate on effective retirement strategies.

The Generation Gap in Financial Understanding

Adult children may rely on outdated financial paradigms that no longer apply to their elders' realities. The economic landscape has changed dramatically over the past few decades, with shifts in real estate markets, a lack of formal retirement plans, and longer life expectancies. This generational gap can lead to misguided advice that does not consider modern challenges such as retiring with debt, little or no pension income, or rising living costs.

Emotional Strain and Family Tension

When relatives impose their views, it can evoke frustration, resentment, or inadequacy in their elders. This dynamic can shift the conversation from one focused on financial empowerment to one steeped in emotional conflict and shame. Instead of fostering a supportive environment for discussing retirement goals, grandsplaining can create adversarial relationships where seniors feel belittled or pressured, further complicating an already sensitive topic.

Erosion of Autonomy

When relatives try to impose their methods or strategies, it can undermine the seniors’ independence, making them feel a lack of control over their finances. Financial decisions are deeply personal and often intertwined with individual circumstances, goals, and values. This loss of agency not only affects financial outcomes but can also impact the mental well-being of older adults, leading to feelings of incompetence or anxiety about their financial futures.

The Context of Ageism

The implications of ageism are particularly concerning in a rapidly changing world characterized by technological advancements and unprecedented changes in social norms. While younger generations may genuinely wish to assist their elders in navigating these changes, their actions can reinforce negative stereotypes rather than empower seniors. Grandsplaining highlights the generational divide, creating an "us versus them" mentality that hinders collaboration and mutual understanding.

Grandsplaining is deeply intertwined with ageism, a pervasive societal attitude that discriminates against individuals based on their age. Ageism manifests in various forms, including stereotypes that depict older adults as technologically inept, resistant to change, or incapable of learning. These stereotypes can lead to the marginalization of seniors within families and communities. Not cool!

When younger generations adopt a condescending tone, they inadvertently reinforce ageist stereotypes that portray older adults as out of touch or incapable. This affects individual relationships and perpetuates societal narratives devaluing older individuals' contributions and wisdom.

The Impact on Relationships

Grandsplaining can strain relationships between generations, fostering resentment and conflict. For many seniors, unsolicited advice can infringe on their autonomy, making them feel infantilized or disrespected.

I've seen firsthand how parents can react defensively to younger family members and sometimes withdraw altogether from conversations. When assistance is delivered condescendingly, it can backfire. The resulting tension may prevent meaningful conversations about important topics, such as healthcare decisions or lifestyle changes, which are crucial for seniors' well-being.

The Psychological Impact on Seniors

Being on the receiving end of condescending advice can also lead to diminished self-esteem and increased feelings of inadequacy. Seniors may begin to internalize the belief that they are not capable of making sound decisions or understanding new concepts, which can further exacerbate issues related to aging, such as cognitive decline and depression.

Encouraging Respectful Communication with Seniors

Addressing the issue of grandsplaining requires a concerted effort from both younger and older generations to cultivate respectful communication. Here are several strategies to foster more positive intergenerational interactions:

1. Actively Listen: Younger people should prioritize active listening when engaging with seniors. This involves hearing what the older person says and validating their experiences and perspectives. Younger people can create a more respectful dialogue by acknowledging their knowledge and expertise.

2. Seek to Understand: Younger generations must approach conversations with empathy. To quote Stephen Covey's wise words, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood." Recognizing seniors' challenges, such as health issues or technological gaps, can foster a sense of compassion. This approach can help bridge the generational divide and promote more constructive conversations.

3. Avoid Assumptions: The tendency to assume that older adults are out of touch or incapable can lead to grandsplaining. Instead, younger individuals should avoid making assumptions about seniors’ knowledge or abilities. Asking questions like “What do you think about this?” or “How do you feel about that?” can empower seniors to share their insights and experiences.

4. Offer Support, Not Solutions: Ask questions like, “What does a successful retirement look like to you? How do you plan to finance your retirement? Do you want to stay in this home? Are you open to moving? If so, where? Do you have enough in savings? How can I support you in having an independent and dignified retirement”?

5. Understand the Bigger Picture: Don’t assume that the traditional strategies of downsizing, selling, renting, or moving in with family are reasonable solutions for your elder in today’s economic environment. These retirement strategies are problematic for today’s seniors. In most cases, downsizing only works financially if the retiree is willing to move to a smaller, more affordable community. Most seniors want to stay in their communities and not move away from family, friends, churches, or familiar shops and services. Selling, renting, or moving in with family requires the sale of their significant appreciating asset. Given today's longer life expectancies, it's not always a wise choice.

6. Humour: By skillfully using humour, you can turn potentially patronizing situations into moments of connection and shared joy, ensuring that conversations with elders remain meaningful, respectful and memorable. For example, you could start the conversation this way; "The last thing I want to do is give you advice. That would be ridiculous. You’re the wise sensei here—I’m just the clueless apprentice trying to save enough downpayment to buy a shoebox of a house." This approach humorously flips the script, poking fun at the presumptuousness of unsolicited advice while emphasizing the elder's experience and wisdom.

People often feel judged or vulnerable when discussing finances or significant life changes. Humour shifts the dynamic, showing that you approach the conversation as an ally, not an adversary. For example: "Talking about budgets isn’t fun for anyone—I mean, who loves math? But it’s worth it if we can figure out how to turn this retirement conversation into the fourth of July rather than Labour Day!" This playful approach lowers barriers, making the discussion feel collaborative rather than critical.

Laughter fosters connection. Sharing a laugh creates a sense of camaraderie, making it easier for people to open up about sensitive topics. When elders feel that you’re not judging them but partnering with them—and can make them smile—they’re far more likely to trust your intentions and take your advice seriously. Humour invites the other person to join the conversation, breaking the ice and encouraging them to share their thoughts. It sets a tone that the conversation is a dialogue, not a lecture. Example: "You’ve been making great financial decisions for decades. I’m here to ensure we don’t accidentally end up with a basement full of K-tel Veg-O-Matics… unless that’s the plan?" This allows them to laugh, respond, and engage while respecting their autonomy.

A word of caution. Humour is only effective when paired with genuine respect and sensitivity. Pay attention to your elder's reactions and adapt if they seem uncomfortable or unamused. The goal is to build rapport, not to win laughs at their expense. Using humour skillfully, you can turn potentially patronizing situations into moments of connection and shared joy, ensuring that conversations with elders are respectful and memorable.

Before You Go

Before You Go

Grandsplaining: the art of lovingly over-explaining to elders as though they’ve been napping since the Great Depression. While it often comes from a place of care, the unintended consequences can include derailed retirement conversations, strained family dinners, and a spike in eye-rolling from grandparents everywhere.

Good financial planning thrives on clear communication, but grandsplaining tends to turn productive discussions into monologues that undermine elder autonomy and trigger emotional static. To create a more harmonious environment, families should swap their megaphones for listening ears and embrace a collaborative approach that respects seniors' wisdom and frames younger relatives’ financial theories as conversation starters, not TED Talks.

After all, when it comes to navigating retirement planning, a little less "know-it-all" and a bit more "let’s figure it out together" can go a long way. Think of it as building a bridge, not a lecture podium—because nothing says "family unity" like tackling compound interest together!

Don't Retire---Re-Wire!

Sue

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Sue Pimento

Founder | CEO

Writer, author & presenter focused on financial literacy and retirement strategies. I advocate for the health, wealth & purpose for retirees

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Feb 26, 2026

9 min

Seniors and AI: What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Let’s be honest: we’ve weathered every tech wave they’ve thrown our way. Rotary phones. Dial-up internet. The BlackBerry. And somehow, we’ve made it to AI. The robots know more about our shopping habits than our spouses do—and honestly, they’re better listeners. We’ve Survived Every Tech Wave. AI Is Just the Next One. Remember when the internet first emerged, and everyone claimed it would never take off? Shopping online was considered silly ("Who would buy shoes without trying them on?"), And email sounded like something only NASA engineers would use. Fast forward a few decades, and now you can't even renew a driver's licence without the internet. So much for "it'll never last." It all began innocently enough. The first cordless phone was freedom on a frequency—you could step outside, yell "Can you hear me now?" and feel unstoppable. Then came remote controls, launching the golden era of couch-based cardio: jumping up every five minutes to find the one that actually worked. (Still missing: one VCR remote, circa 1987.) Next came AOL. "You've got mail!" was our first digital dopamine hit. Then the BlackBerry arrived—part phone, part pager, part fashion statement. It was heavy, expensive, and glorious. Until, like a hot potato, we all dropped it for the iPhone—sleeker, lighter, and small enough to fit in yoga pants. The iPod Nano followed. Goodbye radios, hello playlists! From there came Google, streaming, apps, and clouds (the digital kind, not the ones that ruin golf). And now… drumroll, please… Artificial Intelligence. The "It'll Never Last" File: Greatest Misses Edition We've encountered the skeptics before: • The Internet: "No one will use it." • Online Shopping: "People won't buy shoes sight unseen." • Email: "Who needs digital letters?" • Voice Assistants: "Talking to a speaker will freak people out." • AI: "It's just hype—like the Segway for brains." Well, the Segway is still technically around, but you're not riding one to the golf course. Meanwhile, AI is everywhere—and yes, seniors are joining the party. AI: The Latest "Fad" That Isn't If you think AI is a passing craze, you probably also dismissed online shopping and email. (Confession: I once thought, "Who would ever enter their credit card number online?") But AI isn't a gadget—it's the next era. As permanent as gravity, and just as invisible until it knocks something over. Use of generative AI among older adults throughout North America is growing. A Leger Research study revealed that 1 in 3 Canadians 55+ have tried an AI tool. We can ignore it, "poo-poo" it, or embrace it. But always remember: Resisting progress will not slow it down one byte. Why This Time Is Different Here's the twist: today's seniors aren't like our parents' generation. We're Boomers with bandwidth. We were the first to type with our thumbs, track our steps before it was trendy, and FaceTime the grandkids instead of mailing Polaroids. We've earned our tech credentials. Now it's time to flex them in the AI era. Seniors Meet AI: A Beautiful Disaster AI promised to make life easier. Instead, for many seniors, it's like adopting a mischievous grandchild who never listens and occasionally orders you twelve pineapples by accident. Let's be honest—we've all had those moments. Voice Assistants: The Frenemies "Alexa, play Staying Alive." "Calling 911. You appear to be in distress." "Siri, remind me to take my pill at 8." "Texting Phil at 8." "Hey Siri, stop listening." Silence. "Hey Siri, play jazz music." Still silence. (Give it a minute… you'll get it.) These so-called "assistants" are like toddlers with Wi-Fi—they only hear half of what you say, and always the half that causes chaos. The Sitcom Nobody Asked For Seniors using AI might just be the world's best sitcom waiting to happen: • Episode 1: ChatGPT Writes My Will (and Leaves Everything to Wi-Fi) • Episode 2: Siri Joins My Book Club and Never Stops Talking • Episode 3: I Asked Alexa to Play Jazz, and She Ordered a Jacuzzi Coming soon to streaming services everywhere—as soon as we find the remote. Texting While Senior: A New Dialect Emerges If you think AI is confusing, try texting with seniors. Somewhere between autocorrect and abbreviations, a new language has evolved—part English, part comedy special: BTW – Bring The Wheelchair ROFL... CGU – Rolling On The Floor Laughing... Can't Get Up LOL – Living On Lipitor BYOT – Bring Your Own Teeth TGIF – Thank Goodness It's Four (Early Bird Special) FWB – Friend With Beta-Blockers TTYL – Talk To You Louder LMDO – Laughing My Dentures Out GOML – Get Off My Lawn Honestly, AI could spend years decoding that list and still ask, "Did you mean BYOB?" "But What About Privacy?" (Spoiler: That Ship Has Sailed) Ah yes, the Privacy Protectors—those well-meaning friends who whisper, "Don't use AI, they're stealing your identity!" Spoiler alert: that ship already sailed. Siri and Alexa have been eavesdropping for years. Google knows where you've been, what you've read, and that you googled "how to delete Google history." Uber keeps a record of every trip you've ever taken—yes, even that midnight McDonald's run—and there's no "forget" button. Most of us have already traded privacy for utility. And honestly? It's not always a bad deal. I'm happy to share a few megabytes of data if Apple can tell me where I parked in the underground garage with seventeen identical "P2" levels. That's not a conspiracy—that's a lifesaver. AI saves time, surfaces better options we didn't know existed, and delivers instant answers. No more hunting for the manual to your smoke detector—just snap a photo, and AI tells you exactly which button to push (and which one to avoid). We're not losing control; we're gaining convenience. And at this stage of life, that's worth more than a few anonymous data points. Ways Seniors Can Actually Use AI (and Enjoy It) AI tools are making daily life easier for older adults in practical, accessible ways. Here's how you can put them to work: The “Start Here” Ladder: Build Your AI Confidence One Rung at a Time Nobody learns to swim by jumping into the deep end. AI is the same. The trick isn’t to master everything at once—it’s to start somewhere low-stakes, build a little confidence, and move up when you’re ready. Here’s a simple progression that works: Level 1: Voice Assistants Risk Level: Minimal Fun Level: Surprisingly High ------------------- Start here if you haven’t already. Ask Alexa or Siri to set a timer, play music, check the weather, or settle a dinner-table argument. No typing required. Level 2: AI Chat Tools Risk Level: Low (with privacy settings activated) Usefulness Level: Eye-Opening ------------------- This is the “brilliant friend who knows everything” rung. Tools like ChatGPT or Google Gemini are free to use and can answer any question—no judgment, no wait times, no office hours. Try drafting a birthday message. Ask it to explain a medical term your doctor used. Get it to suggest a one-week meal plan. You type, it answers. Think of it as Google, but one that actually understands your question. A Note of Caution (Read This): Before you type anything personal into an AI app, go into the app’s privacy settings and switch off chat history/training so you don’t expose personal information. ChatGPT users can navigate to Settings > Data Controls and turn off "Improve the model for everyone". This prevents your conversations from being used to train future models. For extra privacy, disable "Chat History & Training," turn off memory features, or use the temporary chat feature. Level 3: Health and Wellness Wearables Risk Level: Low Payoff : Potentially Life-Saving ------------------- An Apple Watch or Fitbit isn’t simply a fancy step counter. These devices now detect irregular heart rhythms, monitor blood oxygen levels, track sleep quality, and—crucially—detect falls and automatically alert emergency contacts. For anyone living independently, that last feature alone makes it a worthwhile investment. You don’t need to know exactly how it works; just wear it. Level 4: Smart Home Tools Risk Level: Medium Payoff: You’ll Wonder How You Managed ------------------- Smart thermostats, video doorbells, voice-controlled lighting—these are AI tools you set up once and forget. The real win here is independence. Being able to control your home environment with your voice, check who’s at the door from your phone, or have the heat adjust automatically before you wake up: these aren’t luxuries. For many of us, they’re what make staying in our own homes longer a real and practical option. Level 5: AI-Assisted Financial Tools Risk Level: Higher. Stakes Level: Real. So Tread Carefully and Deliberately ------------------- This level is for when you’re comfortable and curious—not before. AI can now help you understand tax documents, summarize financial statements, compare mortgage products, and even flag unusual account activity. These tools are genuinely powerful. But they work best alongside a trusted human advisor, not instead of one. Think of AI as the research assistant who preps the questions. Your financial advisor is still the one who answers them. The key is this: you don’t have to climb the whole ladder today. Pick one level. Try it for a week. Laugh when it goes sideways. Then decide if you want to go higher. Writing & Editing: Draft emails, thank-you notes, or letters with the right tone—ChatGPT handles over 1 million daily health-related queries from seniors, including help preparing questions for doctor visits Travel Planning: Find flights, plan itineraries, and even pack your suitcase virtually Financial Education: Ask about investments or taxes—AI explains without the jargon Health & Fitness: Wearable devices like Apple Watch and Fitbit track exercise, monitor heart rate, detect falls, and can notify help if you're in an accident Smart Home Control: Voice-activated systems can adjust temperature, turn lights on and off, unlock doors, and control security—all with simple voice commands Cooking: "AI, make a meal with tuna, yogurt, and hope" Entertainment: Jokes, playlists, stories, or party ideas Learning: Teach yourself a language, an instrument, or how to fix the Wi-Fi (again) Want to get started? OATS published "AI for Older Adults," a comprehensive guide covering health, finance, and lifestyle applications specifically for seniors. It's available at oats.org. The Serious Bit: AI and Your Portfolio Here’s where I put on my serious hat for a moment. The U.S. stock market is currently top-heavy with AI darlings—Nvidia, Microsoft, Alphabet, and Meta. Great companies. Exciting times. But retirement portfolios are not the place for a single-themed bet. If your retirement savings are overloaded with AI stocks, a correction could make your portfolio look like your Fitbit step count on a February long weekend. Diversify. Always. Love tech. Just don’t go steady with it. For more on this topic, check out Part 1 of my post: The Retirees' Guide to Market Volatility: Building Your Financial Safety Net Embrace AI, Don't Fear It AI is here to stay. Think of it as your digital assistant, not your replacement. Our generation has lived through it all: dial-up, disco, dot-com booms, and Bitcoin. If anyone can handle the rise of the machines, it's us. We figured out VCRs (eventually), navigated online banking, and mastered Zoom backgrounds (some better than others). And no, blurred does not count as a background. So fire up your curiosity. Try ChatGPT to plan your next vacation, use Google Gemini to get thoughtful answers to complex questions, or tell Alexa to crack a joke. (She's still learning… but she's improving.) We’ve adapted before. We’ll adapt again. That’s actually what we do. One baffling software update at a time. And here’s what no algorithm will ever replicate: Us. Our humour. Our resilience. The comedy gold of a pocket-dial to our X at 1am. The triumph of finding our reading glasses—while wearing them. AI is smart. But we’re wiser. And that still counts for a lot. So, here's the deal: AI can predict the stock market, diagnose your rash, and write a sonnet in seventeen seconds. But It still can't find your car keys, remember why it walked into the kitchen, or laugh until it snorts at its own joke. We've survived disco, dial-up, the dot-com crash, and that one Zoom call where someone didn't realize their camera was on in the bathroom. We will absolutely survive this, too. AI isn’t here to replace us; it’s here to keep up with us. And frankly, after decades of dealing with actual humans, a very smart, endlessly patient, never-hangry assistant sounds like an upgrade. So, when the robots eventually do take over, they'll need someone to tell them to slow down, dress properly, and call their mother. That's where we come in. Same as it ever was. One baffling software update at a time. Need more guidance? Here are some helpful resources: • AARP's 2025 Tech Trends Report – Research on how older adults are using technology • Bethesda Health Group's AI Guide for Seniors – Practical everyday applications • Ultimate Senior Resource: Top 10 AI Tools – Detailed reviews of the best AI tools for older adults Don't Retire...ReWire! Sue Want more of this? Subscribe for weekly doses of retirement reality—no golf-cart clichés, no sunset stock photos, just straight talk about staying Hip, Fit & Financially Free.

Jun 10, 2026

6 min

Tight-Wad or Spend-Thrift?

My friend, Linda, retired at 66 after 35 years as a school principal. She had done everything right. Pension. Savings. No debt. A financial plan so airtight that her advisor framed it. On her first Monday of retirement, she drove to the grocery store, stood in front of the fancy olive oil, and put the $23 bottle back on the shelf. She grabbed the $10 one instead. That night, she called me, genuinely distressed. "Sue," she said, "I don't know how to spend the money." Linda is not alone. Her problem is not a math problem. It is a brain problem. Welcome to the neuroscience of aging and money, where biology is ageist, your prefrontal cortex is quietly retiring before you do, and the financial industry has somehow spent decades teaching you to save without ever explaining how to stop. What Is Actually Happening in That Brain of Yours As we age, the prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain responsible for planning, decision-making, and impulse regulation, starts to lose its edge. Meanwhile, the amygdala, the emotional centre, gains more influence. The result? Decisions that feel more emotional, more risk-averse, and sometimes more impulsive, depending on which way your wiring maps. Research published by Agarwal, S., Driscoll, J. C., Gabaix, X., & Laibson, D. found that financial decision-making peaks around age 53 and then declines steadily. This is not because older adults are less intelligent, but because the cognitive systems that weigh risk and reward begin to operate differently. Biology is ageist, as evidenced by the fact that your brain begins to change its relationship with money before you have even figured out what to do with it. A recent study from the National Bureau of Economic Research found that older adults are significantly more likely to make financial mistakes on both ends of the spectrum: excessive caution and excessive spending. The brain does not uniformly tighten the purse strings. It amplifies whatever pattern was already there. If you were a careful saver, you would become an Olympic penny-pincher. If you were a spender, you would become a one-person economic stimulus package. You become an exaggerated version of your younger self. Which is charming in theory and occasionally catastrophic in practice. Team Tight-Wad: All Chips, No Salsa You know the type. Actually, you might be the type. These are the people who still have their first chequebook, who compare per-unit prices for paper towels with the focus of a neurosurgeon, and who have not eaten at a restaurant without a coupon since the second Harper government. They are not cheap. They are terrified. As the prefrontal cortex loosens its grip on rational future planning, the fear of running out, what I call FORO (Fear of Running Out), takes the driver's seat. It whispers things like: what if the market crashes, what if I get sick, what if I live to 102 and run out of money at 99? And so the tight-wad doubles down. The $23 olive oil goes back on the shelf. The vacation gets postponed. The grandchildren's birthday gifts get slightly less grand. All chips, no salsa. You have built a pile of financial security and are sitting on it, stiff, virtuous, and mildly hungry, while the dip goes untouched. The tight-wad's greatest risk is not poverty. It is regret. Researchers at Cornell University found that people in the final chapters of their lives consistently reported regretting what they did not do far more than what they did. That trip not taken. That renovation not done. That bottle of good olive oil not purchased. FORO kept them safe and small, and the memory of that smallness stings. Team Spend-Thrift: All Salsa, No Chips On the other side of the spectrum, we have the spend-thrifts. As the emotional centres become more active and impulse regulation less reliable, some people lean into the "you only live once" philosophy. They book the trip to Portugal. They buy the golf club they do not need. They pick up the tab for dinner for eight people they met three hours ago. They are generous, spontaneous, and occasionally mystified by their bank statements. Research from Harvard Business School confirms that spending money on experiences and on others generates a meaningful boost in wellbeing. Spend-thrifts are onto something. The problem is sustainability. If the prefrontal cortex is not doing its job by asking "do we actually need this," the credit card bill arrives, and this is why we can't have nice things. Spend-thrifts also tend to underestimate longevity. A 65-year-old Canadian woman today can expect to live, on average, past 87. That is more than two decades of retirement to fund. All salsa, no chips is a delicious way to start a party and a terrible way to sustain it. The Gap Nobody Talks About: Permission to Spend Here is where I want to say something that gets almost no airtime in the financial services industry. We have an enormous education gap on this side of retirement. The entire financial industry, including the advisors, the institutions, the calculators, the seminars, and the books, has spent decades teaching people how to accumulate money. How to save. How to invest. How to sacrifice the latte. The message has been so relentless that it has rewired the way people feel about spending. And then retirement arrives. And nobody says: Okay, you can stop now. You can actually use this. This is what it was for. Switching from accumulation to decumulation requires real support, real education, and genuine permission. It is not a switch you flip. It is a gear shift that many people never make successfully. They arrive at retirement financially prepared but psychologically stuck. Honestly? The mother of all eye rolls is reserved for the financial institution that still calls it a savings account when you are 72. You are not saving anymore. You are managing a spending pool. Here is my modest proposal: once you turn 65, your savings account becomes your spending account. Not a radical rebranding. A psychological one. Words matter. Framing matters. Every time you log in and see the word "spending," your brain starts to normalize the idea that this money has a purpose, and that purpose is your life. Clients need financial therapists as much as they need financial planners. They need someone to look them in the eye and say: you earned this, you saved this, and spending it wisely and joyfully is not a failure of discipline. It is the entire point. Self-Awareness Is the Cheapest Investment You Will Ever Make Recognizing your pattern is step one. If you have not bought anything for yourself that was not on sale in the past calendar year, that is data. If you cannot remember the last time you checked your balance before a purchase, that is also data. Neither is a character flaw. Your brain is doing what it is supposed to do. Step two is to get the right support and give yourself explicit permission. A good retirement income specialist asks what you want your money to do for you now, not just how long it needs to last. A financial therapist helps you untangle your emotional history with money. At some point, you write it down: I am allowed to spend on things that bring me joy, keep me healthy, and connect me to the people I love. Post it somewhere you will see it when you are standing in front of the fancy olive oil. The Punchline Linda eventually bought the $23 olive oil. It took four months, a conversation with her advisor, and an honest chat with her daughter, who pointed out that Linda had about 90 jars of tomato sauce in her basement and no good reason to be rationing condiments. The brain changes that come with ageing are real. They are not personal failures. They are biology doing biology things, loudly and without your consent. But brains are also remarkably responsive to information, reframing, and the occasional kick in the pants from someone who loves you. You spent decades building financial security. The goal was never to die with the most money. It was a good life. All chips AND salsa. The full spread. The $23 olive oil on the good bread, with the people you love. Your spending account is waiting. Honestly, it has been waiting long enough. Because nobody wins a prize for being the richest person in the graveyard. Don’t Retire…Re-Wire! Sue

Jun 3, 2026

6 min

Seniors and AI (Part 2): Exercise Caution

If you haven't read Seniors and AI (Part 1) What Could Possibly Go Wrong?, catch up here. My friend Gloria told me she asked her AI assistant what to do about a “sore knee,” and it suggested she might be experiencing “symptoms consistent with early-stage gout, possible DVT, or referred pain from lumbar stenosis.” Gloria is 74, lives alone, and spent the next three hours convinced she was dying. She was not. She had slept on the couch in an awkward position. This is Part 2 of our look at Seniors and AI. If Part 1 was about the laughs, Part 2 is where we put on our reading glasses and pay attention. When technology moves from ordering groceries to offering medical advice or emotional support, the stakes get considerably higher than an accidental pineapple on your pizza. AI and Medical Advice: The Good, the Bad, and the “You Googled What?” Let’s give credit where it’s due. AI genuinely helps in healthcare in meaningful ways. It’s available at 2 AM without judgment. It translates medical jargon into plain English. It can help you walk into a doctor’s appointment with better questions instead of the usual panicked stare. But here’s what it cannot do: see you, touch you, or notice you’re limping. It can’t smell an infection, hear the wheeze in your chest, or detect the subtle signs that something is wrong. At its core, it is an elaborate and very polite Google search. Not a doctor. Takita et al. (2025), in a systematic review and meta-analysis published in Digital Medicine, found that the overall diagnostic accuracy of generative AI models is about 52 percent. Read that again. Fifty-two percent. Suitable for a second opinion, nowhere near sufficient to replace an experienced clinician. And yet, we hear a confident-sounding response and think, “Well, the computer said so.” Confidence and correctness are not the same thing, a lesson most of us learned the hard way in our thirties. When AI Is Safe (and When It Is Decidedly Not) Go ahead and ask AI about: What does that lab term on your bloodwork actually mean Common side effects of medications you’re already taking Questions to bring to your next appointment General information about a health condition Do not ask AI about: Anything you’d describe as “just making sure it’s not something bad”? Chest pain, sudden numbness, or anything that begins with “I’ve never felt this before” Whether to stop taking a medication Whether your symptoms are serious enough to go to the ER Think of AI as the helpful intern, not the chief medical officer. You’d let the intern look something up for you, but you wouldn’t let the intern prescribe your blood pressure medication. Bottom line: if you wouldn’t trust your toaster to measure your blood pressure, don’t trust a chatbot to diagnose your heart. AI Therapy: Comfort or Catastrophe? Mental health chatbots promise empathy. Let’s be precise about what that means: they simulate compassion, not feel it. There is a difference, and it matters. A Stanford University study (Moore & Haber, 2025) warns that therapy chatbots can reinforce stigma or provide genuinely unsafe responses. They can’t detect tone, see tears, read a room, or call for help when things turn dark. This is especially concerning for older adults. Loneliness and depression are common among seniors and are routinely dismissed as “just slowing down” or “getting older.” That’s not aging. Those are invisible illnesses that deserve real attention and real human connection. The Signs We Miss According to the National Institute on Ageing’s 2025 Ageing in Canada Survey, 57 percent of Canadians over 50 report feeling somewhat or very lonely, and 43 percent are at risk of social isolation. These figures haven’t changed since 2022. This is not a fringe problem. It is a quiet epidemic hiding in plain sight. Watch for these signs in yourself and in the people you love: Pulling back from activities they once loved Sleeping too much or not nearly enough Loss of appetite or unexplained weight changes Talking nonstop when the company finally arrives (that’s hunger or severe loneliness, not chattiness) Inventing reasons to call or visit Self-deprecating humour that feels a little too real. Here’s a small but important piece of advice: don’t ask, “Are you lonely?” You’ll get a cheerful “Of course not!” Pride and independence run deep, especially among a generation that survived things we can’t imagine. Instead, act as if. Drop by with coffee. Ask for help with something they are well versed in. Bring the dog. Go for a walk. Sit quietly and watch a show together. Share a meal. Loneliness doesn’t always need a conversation. Sometimes it just needs to know someone showed up. What Your Elder Is Thinking (But Will Never Tell You) Tread carefully here. These thoughts tend to live in the quiet spaces between sentences, felt but rarely spoken. How much time do I have? Have I done enough? Will my money run out before I do? Will anyone remember me? Do I still matter? Why do I feel so sad? Why are my friends getting sick and slipping away? Will I get sick? Who will look after me? Do my children know I love them? What if I start to forget? The creeping fear of losing names, faces, the stories that make life feel like mine. Am I a burden? (This one usually hides behind a joke.) What if my best days are already behind me? Some of these will surprise you. Some won’t. Some will make you want to pick up the phone right now. That’s the right instinct. You don’t need to fix these feelings. Sometimes, sitting quietly with someone in the silence between their words is the most healing thing you can offer. For the Family: What to Watch For and What to Do A quick note for the kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews, and anyone who forwards funny videos to their grandparents: your elders are going to experiment with AI. Probably the same way you experimented with your first beer or a regrettable tattoo: curious, enthusiastic, and occasionally overconfident. Watch for these warning signs: Increasing withdrawal from real-world activities and people Confusion about what is real versus AI-generated Replacing actual conversations with chatbot exchanges Acting on AI medical or financial advice without verifying it with a professional Being secretive or evasive about what they’re doing online Here is what you can do: Connect regularly. Ask what they’re learning or laughing about. Create opportunities for in-person time. FaceTime counts in a pinch, but in-person is irreplaceable. Know when to call the doctor. Know when all they need is your time. Don’t lecture. Don’t infantilize. Just stay connected. The best firewall against the risks of AI is not better technology. It’s better relationships. The Real Threat: Replacing Connection Here is the uncomfortable truth. AI is tempting. It’s always available, never interrupts, doesn’t judge, and responds instantly without getting distracted by its own problems. For someone who feels lonely, invisible, or like a burden, that can feel like a lifeline. But it’s a false one. AI cannot hold your hand or share a meal. It can’t laugh at your jokes in a way that truly counts. It cannot offer the warmth of human presence, which is what we need most, especially as we age. The danger isn’t primarily that AI will give bad medical advice, though it might. The danger is that it will replace human connection altogether. And that is a problem no algorithm can solve. CTRL ALT DEL: Now Go Call Someone AI is a tool. Part marvel, part mistake, and entirely dependent on who holds it. Use it wisely. Enjoy the entertainment. Stay curious. And remember who is actually in charge. Technology will keep getting smarter. It will not get warmer. It will not hear the sound of your laugh, remember the story you’ve told seventeen times, or show up at the door with soup when you’re not feeling well. That is still us. That will always be us. So yes, let Gloria ask her AI about her knee. But let’s also make sure someone calls Gloria on Tuesday. Key Takeaways Use AI for information, not diagnosis or treatment. Stay alert to signs of loneliness in yourself and in the people you love. Stay genuinely connected with older family members and friends. When in doubt, choose the human over the algorithm. The greatest upgrade to AI isn’t a newer version. It’s showing up. Sue Don't Retire...ReWire! My Book is Now Available for Pre-Order I hope you will consider pre-ordering a copy of Your Retirement Reset for you, a friend or loved one. It's available September 8, 2026 - You can now order on the ECW Press site here. And if you love supporting Canadian booksellers, please also check with your local independent bookstore. Most can easily order it for you.

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