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Retirement: For Better, For Worse, and for Much More Time Together

How to Navigate the Relationship Earthquake That Comes After the Final Paycheque

May 7, 2025

8 min

Sue Pimento

Retirement is supposed to be your golden reward—freedom from alarm clocks, endless Zoom meetings, and performance reviews. But no one warned you about the relationship performance review that arises when you and your partner suddenly find yourselves spending over 100 hours a week together.


For some, it’s bliss; for others, it feels like a full-time job without an HR department.

While grey divorce (divorce after age 50) is on the rise in Canada, separation isn’t inevitable. However, marital harmony is also not guaranteed. The truth lies somewhere in between—and that’s where things become interesting.  Retirement isn't merely a lifestyle change—it’s a complete identity shake-up, which can create stress even in the strongest relationships.


Grey Divorce: An Increasing Trend


Though Canada’s overall divorce rate reached a 50-year low in 2020, divorce among people over 50 is increasing—this trend is dubbed grey divorce. According to Statistics Canada, this demographic is increasingly re-evaluating their relationships as they retire (CBC News, 2024). The same pattern is unfolding south of the border, with the AARP reporting a steady rise in senior divorces in the U.S.


Grey divorce isn’t just emotionally taxing—it can be financially devastating. Women, in particular, bear the brunt. A study by the National Center for Family & Marriage Research found that divorced women over 50 have 45% less wealth than their married peers. In Canada, the Canadian Institute of Actuaries has warned that divorce later in life can significantly erode retirement savings and delay or derail financial plans.


Role Confusion


One retired executive shared that after decades of being chauffeured to work, he assumed retirement meant his wife would now be his driver. “I thought she’d just take over that role, as he climbed into the back seat,” he said, genuinely confused.


She had other plans that did not involve sitting behind a wheel, taking coffee orders, or navigating roundabouts. He had not yet made the emotional or physical shift from being served to becoming equal. That transition is more complicated than it sounds—and more common than you'd think.


When one partner’s identity is career-driven and the other manages the home, retirement necessitates a complete recalibration. Power dynamics shift, control issues surface, and resentment simmers if left unacknowledged.


Housework ≠ Heartwork


If you're home full-time now, guess what? You’re not a guest anymore. The dishes, the vacuuming, the grocery runs—these are now shared responsibilities.


Nothing breeds resentment faster than an unequal workload. Retirement doesn’t mean “relax”; rather, it signifies redistributing the work of life. Unspoken truths will find their voice.


Let’s face it—decades of unexpressed frustrations don’t remain buried. They begin to comment on how someone folds laundry, stacks the dishwasher, or leaves the cap off the toothpaste.


Retirement magnifies everything: the quirks you used to laugh off? Mansplaining! What habits did you ignore because life was busy? Now they’re front and center. And what bad habits did you have before? They don’t improve with age—they get worse.


Emotional and Mental Health Insights


Relationship difficulties can trigger anxiety, depression, and loneliness, especially among men who may have smaller support networks outside their marriages. A 2020 study in the Journal of Gerontology found that post-divorce social isolation is closely linked to declining physical and mental health in later life.


Not all couples want to—or need to—divorce to find peace. Increasingly, older Canadians are exploring “Living Apart Together” (LAT) arrangements, where partners maintain separate residences while remaining in a committed relationship. Research by the Vanier Institute and AARP suggests that LAT relationships allow for autonomy while maintaining emotional connection—a potential middle ground for couples who struggle with full-time togetherness in retirement.


For many, retirement means the loss of structure, identity, and purpose, particularly for those who have closely tied their sense of self to their professional roles. This loss can create irritability, aimlessness, and tension in a partnership. As Harvard Business Review put it, retirement can be especially tough for men because “so many men are bad at retirement” (HBR, 2021). This emotional void often spills over into the relationship, testing its resilience.


Retirement often brings a sudden reshuffling of roles at home. Many men who may have spent decades focused on their careers struggle to adjust to a more balanced domestic lifestyle. The Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives notes that retirement can expose long-standing gendered inequalities in household labour, leading to friction, resentment, and, at times, relationship breakdown.


How to Thrive—Together or Apart


The goal isn’t perfection; it’s peace, fulfillment, and ample personal space to breathe. Here’s how to get there: creatively, practically, and honestly.


1. Have the Real Conversations

Ask the questions you avoided when life was too busy:

• “Are we happy?”

• “What do you want out of the next ten years?”

• “Are there things we’ve never talked about that matter now?”

Unspoken expectations are relationship landmines. Bring them to light—gently and often.


2. Separate Bedrooms, United Front

Don’t frown; they are more common than you might think and less scandalous than it sounds. Separate sleep equals better rest, less irritation, and sometimes a more intentional intimate life.

Please don’t consider it a breakup; position it as a better mattress strategy.


3. The Basement Suite or In-Law Apartment Plan

This represents the sweet spot between staying together and going entirely separate. Living in the same house with clearly defined zones provides each partner with breathing room and independence, especially when you’ve grown apart but don’t want to disrupt finances or family.


Ground rules are essential:

• Who is responsible for what costs?

• Shared meals or separate?

• New partners—yay or nay?


It’s not perfect, but it can be practical.


4. A Second Space: Cottage, Trailer, or Tiny Cabin

A humble trailer or rustic cabin might save your marriage. It’s not about luxury—it’s about space, autonomy, and silence when needed. Whether alternating weekends or solo sabbaticals, having a backup place to go can restore harmony at home.


5. Travel Separately (Sometimes)

One of you wants to hike Machu Picchu, while the other prefers to nap in Muskoka. You don’t have to compromise; you can take turns.

Alternate between solo trips, friend getaways, or short solo retreats. You’ll both return refreshed—and more engaged.


6. Discover New Purpose (or Income)

A restless, lost, or bored partner can quietly sabotage the household. Encourage:

• Volunteering

• Consulting or part-time work

• Mentoring

• Taking courses or teaching others

• Rediscovering old passions


If Divorce Is the Best Option


At times, the most honest act is to end a marriage with kindness. If this is the only option, there are important factors to consider:


Financial Reality Check

• Assets will be divided, including the house, pensions, RRSPs, etc.

• Expenses double: two homes, two insurance policies, and two fridges to stock.

• Retirement income may not be sufficient for both lives.

• Legal costs and timing matter more than ever now—because the time to recover financially is limited. 


There are no pensions in tears. Therefore, if you choose this route, plan ahead.


Family Impact

• Adult children might feel shocked—or even angry.

• Grandchildren can pose challenging questions.

• Long-term friendships may weaken.

• Shared traditions may require reinvention.


This process can be amicable. A new term has emerged among women caring for their ill or aging ex-husbands: “Wasbands.” These women step up with empathy rather than obligation. Vows no longer bind them; instead, they are guided by compassion. Honestly, humanity wins in these situations. There is still love, respect, and history—even if it’s no longer romantic. That is not failure; it is growth.


Rewrite the Rules

Retirement is not a dead end; it’s a creative reawakening—if you approach it that way.

Retirement is a significant life transition—not just financially, but relationally. Like any other chapter in life, it requires renegotiation, mutual respect, and a willingness to evolve. Some couples find deeper intimacy, while others redefine their relationships entirely. The good news? Whether it's under one roof or two, retirement can still be a time of connection, discovery, and, yes, romance.


But it also requires some good, old-fashioned adulting. Yes, *adulting*—that modern word we usually reserve for paying bills, booking dental appointments, and reading the fine print. It turns out it’s equally essential in retirement. Emotional maturity, communication, boundary-setting, and a shared approach to evolving roles are all keys. Think of it like the Sonnet Insurance commercials that cheekily remind us adulting is hard but worth it. Retirement is also a factor, especially when approached with intention and a sense of humour.


This is your last chapter. Make it a good one. Whether you stay together, sleep apart, live separately under one roof, or consciously uncouple, do it with clarity, kindness, and courage. The goal isn’t a perfect love story; it’s a fulfilling life for both of you.


When in doubt, take a walk (alone if necessary). Share a joke. Communicate like adults. And for the love of long-term care insurance, remember: resentment compounds faster than interest.

If you enjoyed this article or thought, “Oh wow, this is exactly what my friend/parent/relative needs to read,” please share it. You can also subscribe to the Retirement Literacy newsletter for more smart, candid, and occasionally cheeky insights on navigating life after full-time work. Let’s make retirement not just the end of work, but the start of something meaningful, fulfilling, and a little fabulous.


Don’t Retire…Rewire!


p.s. Know someone who’s about to retire?— Why not share this worksheet?  It’s the best pre-retirement checklist they never knew they needed.



6 Questions to Ask Before Retiring Together


Retirement reshapes your schedule, your identity—and your relationship. Before you hand in your keycard, ask these candid questions with your partner.  Because the toughest part of retirement isn’t money—it’s time.


And you’ll be spending a lot more of it together.


1. What Do You Want This Chapter of Life to Look Like?

Dreams misaligned can lead to daily friction. Do you crave adventure while your partner seeks peace and quiet? Map it out—together.


2. How Much Time Do We Really Want to Spend Together?

“Always together” sounds sweet—until it feels stifling. Define your ideal balance between shared time and personal space.


3. What Roles Are We Playing Now—And Do They Need to Change?

Retirement often means rebalancing housework, caregiving, and emotional labor. What’s fair now that you’re both at home?


4. Are There Any Long-Standing Frustrations We’ve Avoided Talking About?

Retirement shines a spotlight on old resentments. It's better to talk than to silently stew over how the dishwasher is loaded.


5. How Will We Handle Money Decisions as a Team?

With changing income and more shared expenses, financial transparency and joint planning are more crucial than ever.


6. What Will Give Each of Us a Sense of Purpose—Individually?

A restless or bored partner can bring tension into the home. Talk about passions, volunteer work, or part-time pursuits that bring meaning.


Want more smart, candid insights?  Visit www.retirementliteracy.com to start rewriting your next chapter with clarity and confidence.




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Sue Pimento

Sue Pimento

Founder | CEO

Focused on financial literacy and retirement strategies. Authoring new book on home equity strategies to help seniors find financial freedom

Pension ReformInterest RatesHome EquityMortgagesReverse Mortgages

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Ever notice that the windshield on your car is much bigger than the rearview mirror? Read that again. The Social Capital Audit You are more than your RRSP and Fitbit stats. What do you bring to the table? Your kindness? Humour? Lived wisdom? A killer lemon loaf? Whatever it is—own it. Hone it. Make it your signature. Whether you’re the neighbourhood listener, laughter-bringer, or human glue-stick, your contribution matters. What Are You Proud Of… and Is It Still Serving You? Maybe once upon a time, you were known for your hair, your legs, your singing voice, or your abs of yesteryear. But here's the truth: gravity always wins. And that’s not failure—it’s biology. So if you’re still starting sentences with “Back in my day…”, you might be overdue for a mindset update. Choose something new to feel proud of now: your resilience, your sense of humour, your garden, or your ability to FaceTime your grandkid without accidentally hanging up.  Adjust the metric. Celebrate the upgrade. Some Mantras for the Journey • “Done is better than perfect.” • “I am doing the best I can, and that’s enough.” • “Every day is a fresh start (even if my back cracks getting out of bed).” • “Progress, not perfection.” • “I am not too old, and it’s not too late.” • “If not now… when?” • “Stop acting my age.” The Final Hack: Don’t Just Celebrate – Throw Confetti Practice makes progress. And progress, my friends, is where the magic lives. Every step matters. Every stumble adds a twist. Perfection is overrated. Progress is the new gold standard. And as Mel Robbins reminds us: “There will be many people who won’t appreciate your value. Make sure you’re not one of them.” You’ve spent your life caring for others. Now it’s your turn to care for yourself—thoughtfully, warmly, and with plenty of good humour.  Retirement isn’t the end. It’s the ultimate reboot. Be the Jean Smart of your own story. Jean, watch your back... and Kuzukai, watch our money. Star power meets allowance power. Don’t Retire…Re-Wire! Sue

9 min

Inflation: It’s Not Just for Prices Anymore

Lately, headlines are full of talk about inflation — a response to the economy and the looming tariffs. I’ve experienced many inflationary periods, but it feels different in retirement. When I was earning a paycheque, inflation was just an annoyance, something I needed to pay attention to and maybe buy a cheaper cut of steak. Now, as someone on a “fixed income,” it feels like a real threat. Recently, Ben McCabe, CEO of Bloom Financial, appeared on Breakfast Television and delivered a truth bomb: “We’re approaching a perfect storm. Longer life expectancy, fewer defined benefit pensions, and rising inflation.”  Well, that storm has arrived — and it’s inflating more than just prices. It’s also expanding our waistlines, prescription lists, and emotional baggage. Inflation, at its core, means “the condition of being inflated.” And it turns out that definition applies to more than the grocery bill. So, grab a cup of green tea (or a celery stick if you’re feeling virtuous). Let’s explore the three sneaky forms of inflation threatening your retirement — and what you can do about them. This blog will appeal to individuals who have retired or aspire to retire in the future. Let’s light this candle! 1. Financial Inflation: The Usual Suspect Let’s start with the obvious: inflation means your money won’t stretch as far as it used to. In 2022, Canada’s Consumer Price Index increased by 6.8% — the highest rise in 40 years. Although it slowed down a bit in 2023, essentials such as food, rent, and fuel continue to grow. Your retirement income might be fixed, but prices definitely aren’t. Retirement Risks from Financial Inflation: • Longer lives mean longer bills. A 65-year-old woman today has a 50% chance of living past 90 years old. That’s over 25 years of expenses. • Vanishing pensions. Defined benefit pensions are disappearing faster than good manners on Twitter. • Healthcare creep. Public healthcare doesn’t cover everything, especially if you want care that wasn’t designed in 1978. As Ben McCabe aptly put it:  “We need to stay healthy so our health span matches our lifespan,” huh?— “otherwise, inflation will affect us through the cost of medications, home care, and long-term care facilities.” What You Can Do: • Review your income sources. Prioritize indexed income sources, such as CPP, OAS, and annuities with COLA (Cost of Living Adjustment) riders. • Use home equity sensibly. If you’re house-rich but cash-poor, consider a reverse mortgage or other equity release products. • Adjust your spending habits. Host themed nights, like “Tuna Tuesdays” — a nostalgic, fun, and budget-friendly option. How to Support Others: • Discuss money matters with kindness. Many retirees feel ashamed of their finances. Show compassion, listen more, talk less. • Bring food, not judgment. A regular Saturday brunch with Sadie can make a significant difference, not just financially. • Foster social connections. Financial stress can cause isolation. Encourage hosting potlucks, card nights, or joining a community group. 2. Physical Inflation: The Expanding Middle Retirement brings more free time… and more room. Waistlines, cholesterol, and prescriptions all seem to rise in tandem. Signs you’re experiencing physical inflation: • Pants that used to be snug are now aspirational • Your Fitbit died months ago — and so did your motivation • Your pharmacy knows you by name... and birthday The bad news? Poor physical health is expensive. Chronic illness can deplete savings faster than a grandchild with your credit card. What You Can Do: • Keep moving. Walk, garden, spin — whatever gets you vertical and vibrant. • Lift weights. Muscle mass starts declining at 40. Resistance training isn’t just for 20-somethings. Strong is the new sexy, pass it on! • Meal plan smart. Grocery inflation peaked at 8.9% — eat better, waste less, save more. Consider shopping daily and buying only the amount of food needed for that day. Your health span should align with your lifespan. Stay strong, stay mobile, and yes, stretching counts — but not if you’re reaching for the TV remote. Inflammation — The Silent Saboteur If inflation is bad, inflammation is worse. Chronic inflammation contributes to: • Heart disease and stroke • Type 2 diabetes • Alzheimer’s disease and brain fog • Arthritis, osteoporosis, and varicose veins • Mood disorders such as anxiety and depression • Certain Cancers Even CNN and Al Jazeera recently reported that Donald Trump was diagnosed with chronic venous insufficiency (CVI) — a common, often overlooked condition among those over 55. Small veins, big problem. (Insert your own “tiny vein, tiny…” joke — I’m staying classy.) Inflammation is the unwelcome guest that never departs. If inflammation had a personality, it would be the dinner guest who drinks all your wine, insults your cat, and brings up politics at dessert. Whether it's fueling joint pain, causing swelling in your ankles, or messing with your metabolism, chronic inflammation is one of the biggest saboteurs of aging gracefully. It often hides in plain sight, presenting itself as: • Low-grade fatigue • Weight gain (especially belly fat) • Mood swings or brain fog • Increased pain and stiffness • Slow healing. What You Can Do: • Eat anti-inflammatory foods, such as leafy greens, whole grains, and healthy fats. Cut out the sugar. • Move each day. Yes, again. It’s that important. • Lower stress to improve sleep. Stress and poor sleep fuel inflammation. • Maintain social and emotional bonds. Loneliness and inflammation are frequently connected — break the link. De-Inflation — The Great Slowdown • So, we’ve discussed inflation... but what about its quieter, sneakier cousin: deflation? • No, not the economic kind. We’re talking about the physical “poof” that occurs when we reach our late 70s and 80s — when the padding diminishes, posture declines, and everything else… well, just seems a little less buoyant. • Suddenly, you’re shrinking. Your weight drops — but not in a sexy, "I’ve been intermittent fasting" kind of way. More like "my pants are falling down and my doctor says I’m 2 inches shorter" sort of vibe. Welcome to the gravitational pull of aging. Signs of De-Inflation: • Pants fit strangely, but not in a bragging way • You’re hunched over as if you’re forever bowing to the Queen • Your arms and legs have that crepey, crinkly look — like tissue paper with a gym membership • And let’s not forget the wrinkles on your face — a stunning topographical map of your life Let’s be honest: gravity always wins. Biology always wins. And yes, our skin thins — insert your own joke about being “thin-skinned” here. But we are not entirely powerless. Here’s How to Push Back (Gently — you don’t want to break a hip): • Check your posture monthly. Have a friend take a quick side photo. Are you upright and confident — or resembling a question mark? • Stretch regularly. Yoga, fascia stretching, and massage can help combat the hunch. • Move intentionally. Gentle strength training and balance exercises can maintain muscle and stability. • Moisturize and hydrate. For your skin, your joints, and your soul. • Celebrate your lines. They’re not “flaws” — they’re proof you’ve felt joy, sorrow, surprise, and a few good martinis. They’re not signs of aging; they’re signs you’ve been living. Remember: frowning only causes more wrinkles. So, smile — or better yet, laugh. Loudly. Often. Preferably at inappropriate moments. Oh — and take my advice on this: never (and I mean never) open your eyes during downward-facing dog. Some things just can’t be unseen. 3. Emotional Inflation: When Grudges Accumulate Like Interest Here’s the sneaky one. Emotional inflation appears as: • Bitterness over who got what in Mom’s will • Inflated egos and “right-titis” (a chronic need to be right) • Replaying 1983 arguments in your head like they’re Oscar contenders. • Giving not-so-nice nicknames to your former coworkers (and using them… publicly) • Keeping a mental spreadsheet of injustices — now colour-coded for quick reference (who says seniors are not tech-savvy?) Here’s the thing: emotional inflation isn’t just about what others have done. It’s also about how we interpret our role in those stories. Ready for a bold idea that can free you from decades of emotional baggage? What if we stopped keeping score and instead focused on how we want to show up in our relationships? What if you chose, intentionally, to be a generous sister, a supportive friend, a gracious parent, or a collaborative co-worker — not because they "deserve it," but because that's who you want to be? It’s not easy. It may require deep breathing and the occasional muttering in the car. However, for those willing, this mental reframe can be a total game-changer. What to do: • Let go. You can’t carry joy and a grudge at the same time — and joy is lighter. Lighten the emotional load. You don’t need to wait for someone to say sorry to feel free. • Choose your character. Think of it as casting yourself in the movie of your life. Be the wise one, the peacemaker, the person who breaks the cycle, not the one still angry about a forgotten birthday in 1996. • Write your own story. Present yourself as the person you want to be, even if others haven’t read the same script. You can’t control other people, but you can control how much space they occupy in your mind (especially if they’re not even paying for snacks). • Reframe your perspective. Instead of keeping score, focus on who you want to be: a generous sibling, a gracious friend, or a person at peace. Let go of the scorekeeping. It rarely results in a tie, and even if you win… You still feel empty. • Define your role. Be the big-hearted sibling, the calm presence, the one who lets go, not the person who stores bitterness in Tupperware containers. • Invest in joy. Dance classes, martinis, laughter — choose your remedy. • Talk it out. Therapy is more affordable than wine-fuelled Facebook rants and far more effective. Take the high road. There’s less traffic and better scenery. You can’t always avoid emotional hurt, but you can avoid living in a constant state of emotional inflation. And trust me, nothing deflates retirement faster than a bloated list of resentments. And if you’re feeling weighed down by the bloat of what life has thrown at you, remember: you can’t control inflation, but you can choose your response. Choose grace over grudges. Choose strength over stagnation. Choose the version of yourself that makes you proud. Because guess what? You’re still becoming who you are. Trust me — it’s better than a juice cleanse and more affordable than therapy. Some people age like fine wine; others age like vinegar. Emotional inflation is the burden you carry that doesn't show on the scale, but it weighs everything down. You can’t rewrite someone else’s story, but you can decide how to present yourself in your own. Taking the high road is less crowded and provides better perspectives. Inflation May Be Inevitable — But Misery? That’s Optional. Inflation has seeped into our lives like glitter at a craft table — impossible to contain and popping up in the most unexpected spots. It’s not just your budget that’s swollen (thanks to blueberries and Botox), but also your belly, your prescription drawer, and — if you’re not careful — your resentment list. But here’s the good news:  While you can’t control how high prices go, how slow your metabolism becomes, or how long Uncle Jerry holds a grudge… You can control your response.  So, here’s your call to calm, intentional, fabulous action: 1. Reclaim your power — in your spending, your body, and your mindset. 2. Choose curiosity instead of crankiness. Move more instead of staying still. Salad rather than salt (well… sometimes). 3. Be the kind of person who ages like disco — a little dramatic, slightly sparkly, and always ready to dance. And if you absolutely must inflate something… make it your sense of humour. Because in the grand game of Retirement Inflation Nation, laughter is your best hedge — and it’s fully indexed to joy. Oh — and if you're wondering whether I practice what I preach: I'm a certified fitness instructor and teach 5 jam-packed fitness classes a week at Canada’s largest gym. Movement isn’t just medicine — it’s music, community, and yes, a fabulous way to earn the right to your next martini. So, take it from someone still riding the rhythm of life — gravity is real, but so is joy. And we’re still dancing under the stars. (Here’s proof from the Coldplay concert — yes, I was the one yelling “Fix You” with both hands in the air and not a single regret.) Keep inflating the things that matter: your laugh lines, your playlist, and your purpose. With love, lunges, and a little glitter, Sue Don’t Retire... Rewire!

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