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Retirement: For Better, For Worse, and for Much More Time Together

How to Navigate the Relationship Earthquake That Comes After the Final Paycheque

May 7, 2025

8 min

Sue Pimento

Retirement is supposed to be your golden reward—freedom from alarm clocks, endless Zoom meetings, and performance reviews. But no one warned you about the relationship performance review that arises when you and your partner suddenly find yourselves spending over 100 hours a week together.


For some, it’s bliss; for others, it feels like a full-time job without an HR department.

While grey divorce (divorce after age 50) is on the rise in Canada, separation isn’t inevitable. However, marital harmony is also not guaranteed. The truth lies somewhere in between—and that’s where things become interesting.  Retirement isn't merely a lifestyle change—it’s a complete identity shake-up, which can create stress even in the strongest relationships.


Grey Divorce: An Increasing Trend


Though Canada’s overall divorce rate reached a 50-year low in 2020, divorce among people over 50 is increasing—this trend is dubbed grey divorce. According to Statistics Canada, this demographic is increasingly re-evaluating their relationships as they retire (CBC News, 2024). The same pattern is unfolding south of the border, with the AARP reporting a steady rise in senior divorces in the U.S.


Grey divorce isn’t just emotionally taxing—it can be financially devastating. Women, in particular, bear the brunt. A study by the National Center for Family & Marriage Research found that divorced women over 50 have 45% less wealth than their married peers. In Canada, the Canadian Institute of Actuaries has warned that divorce later in life can significantly erode retirement savings and delay or derail financial plans.


Role Confusion


One retired executive shared that after decades of being chauffeured to work, he assumed retirement meant his wife would now be his driver. “I thought she’d just take over that role, as he climbed into the back seat,” he said, genuinely confused.


She had other plans that did not involve sitting behind a wheel, taking coffee orders, or navigating roundabouts. He had not yet made the emotional or physical shift from being served to becoming equal. That transition is more complicated than it sounds—and more common than you'd think.


When one partner’s identity is career-driven and the other manages the home, retirement necessitates a complete recalibration. Power dynamics shift, control issues surface, and resentment simmers if left unacknowledged.


Housework ≠ Heartwork


If you're home full-time now, guess what? You’re not a guest anymore. The dishes, the vacuuming, the grocery runs—these are now shared responsibilities.


Nothing breeds resentment faster than an unequal workload. Retirement doesn’t mean “relax”; rather, it signifies redistributing the work of life. Unspoken truths will find their voice.


Let’s face it—decades of unexpressed frustrations don’t remain buried. They begin to comment on how someone folds laundry, stacks the dishwasher, or leaves the cap off the toothpaste.


Retirement magnifies everything: the quirks you used to laugh off? Mansplaining! What habits did you ignore because life was busy? Now they’re front and center. And what bad habits did you have before? They don’t improve with age—they get worse.


Emotional and Mental Health Insights


Relationship difficulties can trigger anxiety, depression, and loneliness, especially among men who may have smaller support networks outside their marriages. A 2020 study in the Journal of Gerontology found that post-divorce social isolation is closely linked to declining physical and mental health in later life.


Not all couples want to—or need to—divorce to find peace. Increasingly, older Canadians are exploring “Living Apart Together” (LAT) arrangements, where partners maintain separate residences while remaining in a committed relationship. Research by the Vanier Institute and AARP suggests that LAT relationships allow for autonomy while maintaining emotional connection—a potential middle ground for couples who struggle with full-time togetherness in retirement.


For many, retirement means the loss of structure, identity, and purpose, particularly for those who have closely tied their sense of self to their professional roles. This loss can create irritability, aimlessness, and tension in a partnership. As Harvard Business Review put it, retirement can be especially tough for men because “so many men are bad at retirement” (HBR, 2021). This emotional void often spills over into the relationship, testing its resilience.


Retirement often brings a sudden reshuffling of roles at home. Many men who may have spent decades focused on their careers struggle to adjust to a more balanced domestic lifestyle. The Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives notes that retirement can expose long-standing gendered inequalities in household labour, leading to friction, resentment, and, at times, relationship breakdown.


How to Thrive—Together or Apart


The goal isn’t perfection; it’s peace, fulfillment, and ample personal space to breathe. Here’s how to get there: creatively, practically, and honestly.


1. Have the Real Conversations

Ask the questions you avoided when life was too busy:

• “Are we happy?”

• “What do you want out of the next ten years?”

• “Are there things we’ve never talked about that matter now?”

Unspoken expectations are relationship landmines. Bring them to light—gently and often.


2. Separate Bedrooms, United Front

Don’t frown; they are more common than you might think and less scandalous than it sounds. Separate sleep equals better rest, less irritation, and sometimes a more intentional intimate life.

Please don’t consider it a breakup; position it as a better mattress strategy.


3. The Basement Suite or In-Law Apartment Plan

This represents the sweet spot between staying together and going entirely separate. Living in the same house with clearly defined zones provides each partner with breathing room and independence, especially when you’ve grown apart but don’t want to disrupt finances or family.


Ground rules are essential:

• Who is responsible for what costs?

• Shared meals or separate?

• New partners—yay or nay?


It’s not perfect, but it can be practical.


4. A Second Space: Cottage, Trailer, or Tiny Cabin

A humble trailer or rustic cabin might save your marriage. It’s not about luxury—it’s about space, autonomy, and silence when needed. Whether alternating weekends or solo sabbaticals, having a backup place to go can restore harmony at home.


5. Travel Separately (Sometimes)

One of you wants to hike Machu Picchu, while the other prefers to nap in Muskoka. You don’t have to compromise; you can take turns.

Alternate between solo trips, friend getaways, or short solo retreats. You’ll both return refreshed—and more engaged.


6. Discover New Purpose (or Income)

A restless, lost, or bored partner can quietly sabotage the household. Encourage:

• Volunteering

• Consulting or part-time work

• Mentoring

• Taking courses or teaching others

• Rediscovering old passions


If Divorce Is the Best Option


At times, the most honest act is to end a marriage with kindness. If this is the only option, there are important factors to consider:


Financial Reality Check

• Assets will be divided, including the house, pensions, RRSPs, etc.

• Expenses double: two homes, two insurance policies, and two fridges to stock.

• Retirement income may not be sufficient for both lives.

• Legal costs and timing matter more than ever now—because the time to recover financially is limited. 


There are no pensions in tears. Therefore, if you choose this route, plan ahead.


Family Impact

• Adult children might feel shocked—or even angry.

• Grandchildren can pose challenging questions.

• Long-term friendships may weaken.

• Shared traditions may require reinvention.


This process can be amicable. A new term has emerged among women caring for their ill or aging ex-husbands: “Wasbands.” These women step up with empathy rather than obligation. Vows no longer bind them; instead, they are guided by compassion. Honestly, humanity wins in these situations. There is still love, respect, and history—even if it’s no longer romantic. That is not failure; it is growth.


Rewrite the Rules

Retirement is not a dead end; it’s a creative reawakening—if you approach it that way.

Retirement is a significant life transition—not just financially, but relationally. Like any other chapter in life, it requires renegotiation, mutual respect, and a willingness to evolve. Some couples find deeper intimacy, while others redefine their relationships entirely. The good news? Whether it's under one roof or two, retirement can still be a time of connection, discovery, and, yes, romance.


But it also requires some good, old-fashioned adulting. Yes, *adulting*—that modern word we usually reserve for paying bills, booking dental appointments, and reading the fine print. It turns out it’s equally essential in retirement. Emotional maturity, communication, boundary-setting, and a shared approach to evolving roles are all keys. Think of it like the Sonnet Insurance commercials that cheekily remind us adulting is hard but worth it. Retirement is also a factor, especially when approached with intention and a sense of humour.


This is your last chapter. Make it a good one. Whether you stay together, sleep apart, live separately under one roof, or consciously uncouple, do it with clarity, kindness, and courage. The goal isn’t a perfect love story; it’s a fulfilling life for both of you.


When in doubt, take a walk (alone if necessary). Share a joke. Communicate like adults. And for the love of long-term care insurance, remember: resentment compounds faster than interest.

If you enjoyed this article or thought, “Oh wow, this is exactly what my friend/parent/relative needs to read,” please share it. You can also subscribe to the Retirement Literacy newsletter for more smart, candid, and occasionally cheeky insights on navigating life after full-time work. Let’s make retirement not just the end of work, but the start of something meaningful, fulfilling, and a little fabulous.


Don’t Retire…Rewire!


p.s. Know someone who’s about to retire?— Why not share this worksheet?  It’s the best pre-retirement checklist they never knew they needed.



6 Questions to Ask Before Retiring Together


Retirement reshapes your schedule, your identity—and your relationship. Before you hand in your keycard, ask these candid questions with your partner.  Because the toughest part of retirement isn’t money—it’s time.


And you’ll be spending a lot more of it together.


1. What Do You Want This Chapter of Life to Look Like?

Dreams misaligned can lead to daily friction. Do you crave adventure while your partner seeks peace and quiet? Map it out—together.


2. How Much Time Do We Really Want to Spend Together?

“Always together” sounds sweet—until it feels stifling. Define your ideal balance between shared time and personal space.


3. What Roles Are We Playing Now—And Do They Need to Change?

Retirement often means rebalancing housework, caregiving, and emotional labor. What’s fair now that you’re both at home?


4. Are There Any Long-Standing Frustrations We’ve Avoided Talking About?

Retirement shines a spotlight on old resentments. It's better to talk than to silently stew over how the dishwasher is loaded.


5. How Will We Handle Money Decisions as a Team?

With changing income and more shared expenses, financial transparency and joint planning are more crucial than ever.


6. What Will Give Each of Us a Sense of Purpose—Individually?

A restless or bored partner can bring tension into the home. Talk about passions, volunteer work, or part-time pursuits that bring meaning.


Want more smart, candid insights?  Visit www.retirementliteracy.com to start rewriting your next chapter with clarity and confidence.




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Sue Pimento

Sue Pimento

Founder | CEO

Focused on financial literacy and retirement strategies. Authoring new book on home equity strategies to help seniors find financial freedom

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This leads us to a fascinating group of scientists known as "Super Agers." Who Are Super Agers, Really? In research terms, Super Agers are adults over 80 whose cognitive abilities, especially memory, perform at levels expected of people in their 50s or 60s (Rogalski et al., 2013). But here's what I love most: they aren't superhuman. They're not top athletes. They're not biohackers living on kale foam and cold plunges at dawn. (Though if that's your thing, carry on.).  They're everyday people who never disconnected from life. A striking Canadian example is Morry Kernerman, a Toronto violinist who kept on learning, hiking, and performing well into the ripe age of 101. His story embodies the spirit of Super Aging: it's not about dodging age, it's about refusing to stop living. In a CBC interview, Maury Kernerman doesn't sound like someone "trying to live longer." He talks like someone who's still interested in living, fascinated by the world, hungry for learning, and unwilling to stand still just because he might do something imperfectly. He also admits something that matters to a lot of readers: he wasn't always an exercise person. He started taking it seriously later in life and describes it as a "rear guard action" that hasn't stopped aging, but has helped him keep his capacity. One of the most poignant lessons: when we're afraid of doing the wrong thing, afraid of failing or being embarrassed, we stop.  And standing still is what really costs us. Haven't you heard? Sitting is the new Smoking!! What the Science Is Showing Us Canadian and U.S. researchers, at Western University and Northwestern University, are discovering something significant. Not a pill. Not a quick fix. A system. Angela Roberts (Western University) explained that the Canadian arm of the research isn't relying only on lab snapshots. Participants are sent home with wearable devices so researchers can monitor real-world activity patterns continuously (24 hours a day) over multi-week periods (CBC News, 2024 - https://www.cbc.ca/news/health/superager-centenarians-brain-second-opinion-9.7049411). That design matters because it turns "healthy aging" from a vague concept into measurable behaviours: how much movement you get, how intense it is, how consistent it is, and how it fits into the rhythm of normal life. Super Agers typically stay active, remain mentally sharp, maintain close relationships, handle stress effectively, sleep well, and keep a generally positive attitude (Rogalski et al., 2013 - https://doi.org/10.1162/jocn_a_00300; Sun et al., 2016 - https://doi.org/10.1523/JNEUROSCI.1492-16.2016) Their brains display thicker cortical areas linked to attention and memory, experience slower atrophy rates, have fewer Alzheimer's markers, and show stronger neuronal connections (Gefen et al., 2015 - https://doi.org/10.1523/JNEUROSCI.2998-14.2015; Harrison et al., 2012 - https://doi.org/10.1017/S1355617712000847) A Data Point Worth Remembering When It Comes to Longevity From the wearables, the research study observed that many 80-year-olds in the study, both "super agers" and the control group, were averaging about 25 to 30 minutes of exercise a day (roughly aligned with Canadian movement guidelines). The difference wasn't that super agers moved a little more.  The study showed that they got about 30% more of the kind of movement that raises heart rate, what researchers call moderate-to-vigorous physical activity In plain language: it's not just steps. It's getting your engine up into that slightly breathy zone on purpose, most days. There's no single longevity switch. It's a belt-and-suspenders approach: multiple protective habits working together over decades. Let's Talk About Weight (Without Losing Our Minds) People often ask: Should Super Agers be skinny? Or a little plump? The research answer is surprisingly dull (and comforting): Neither. Super Agers come in all sizes. There is no evidence that they share a specific body weight or BMI. What matters much more than the scale is stability, strength, and body composition (Stenholm et al., 2008). Obesity Shows Up Consistently in the Research Midlife obesity is associated with an increased risk of dementia later in life. Several large studies indicate that obesity (BMI ≥30) during midlife raises dementia risk by 33 to 91% compared to individuals of normal weight (Kivipelto et al., 2005; Qizilbash et al., 2015) However, in older age, unintentional weight loss often signals frailty or illness. Weight loss in later life is linked to faster cognitive decline and higher risk of death (Diehr et al., 2008) Being underweight increases the risk of death. Studies consistently indicate that underweight older adults (BMI <20) have 2 to 3 times the all-cause mortality risk compared to those with a normal weight, with one study reporting a 34% higher risk of dementia (Diehr et al., 2008). A slightly higher BMI in later life may actually be protective, especially if muscle mass is maintained. The "obesity paradox" demonstrates that overweight and mild obesity in older adults (ages 65+) are often linked to a lower risk of mortality, particularly from non-cardiovascular diseases (Natale et al., 2023). So, the prescription is clear: avoid extremes. Not so skinny you could use a Cheerio as a hula hoop, and not so plump that tying your shoes feels like a full-contact sport. Here's What Truly Matters: Muscle Mass Strength defends the brain, maintains balance, boosts metabolism, and offers resilience during illness or stress (Peterson & Gordon, 2011) "Skinny-fat", low muscle, higher fat, is actually worse for aging than carrying a bit more weight with muscle beneath (Prado et al., 2012). Super Aging isn't about shrinking yourself. It's about supporting the structure you live in. Sleep: The Quiet Superpower If movement is the main act, sleep is the stage crew ensuring the entire show runs smoothly. Sleep isn't just one thing. It's a cycle (Walker, 2017). The Stages of Sleep (a quick, non-boring tour) Light sleep: The warm-up. Easy to wake from. Necessary, but not enough by itself. Deep sleep: The body's main repair mode. This is where physical repair occurs: muscle recovery, immune support, hormone regulation (Scullin & Bliwise, 2015) (Walker, 2017). REM sleep: The brain's spa. Memory consolidation, emotional regulation, creativity, and learning all occur here (Scullin & Bliwise, 2015) (Walker, 2017). Missing deep sleep leaves your body feeling exhausted. Missing REM causes your brain to become fragile and foggy (Mander et al., 2017). Super Agers tend to guard their sleep, though not perfectly, deliberately (Mander et al., 2016). Consistent bedtimes, morning sunlight, daily activity, and relaxing evenings appear repeatedly. For some people, slow-release melatonin or magnesium can help improve sleep maintenance (Ferracioli-Oda et al., 2013). However, the greatest benefits often come from simple routines: consistency, darkness, cooler rooms, and avoiding phone use at 10 p.m. Sleep isn't a luxury. It's essential brain maintenance (Mander et al., 2017). Stress: The Real Villain Chronic stress is like kryptonite for cognitive health (McEwen & Sapolsky, 1995). The main source of stress is not accepting what is. We argue with reality, and we lose every time. We revisit conversations. We resist change. We attempt to control others. Super Agers appear more accepting, not resignation, but realism (Sun et al., 2016) Here are some practical strategies to consider: Let them. (Thank you, Mel Robbins.) People will be people. You don't need to manage them. Save your energy for what truly matters. And remember: what people think of you... is none of your business. Calm isn't passive. Calm is protective. Gratitude also plays a role. Many Super Agers exhibit a distinct emotional tone: more grateful, less gripeful (Hill & Allemand, 2011) Life wasn't simpler; they simply didn't let bitterness steer the way. Relationships and Quality of Life: The Real Gold Standard Super Agers don't have more friends; they have deeper ones. Strong relationships are linked to better emotional regulation and preserved brain regions. (Cacioppo & Cacioppo, 2014) (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010) And this isn't about extending life. It's about quality of life: cognitive, physical, and emotional well-being. Because no one wants a farewell-to-life party where nobody shows up because you've been miserable, bitter, or exhausting to be around (thank you, BR). Strong body. Clear mind. Warm relationships. A sense of humour that endures gravity. That's the win. 3 Practical Takeaways to Steal this Week If you want the super-ager approach without turning your life into a science experiment, here are three low-drama moves: Add intensity, not just activity. Keep your regular walk, but pick one segment to walk faster, take a hill, or add short brisk bursts. Your heart rate is the clue. Keep a learning thread running. Music, audiobooks, a class, a museum habit, a book club, anything that keeps your mind taxed in a good way and makes you feel curious again. Make "don't stand still" a rule. If you're avoiding something because you might look silly (a dance class, a new hobby, a new friend group), that's exactly the place to lean in, gently, but on purpose. Super Agers aren't chasing youth. (No one needs to see me in low-rise jeans again.) They're cultivating engagement. (Do you want to dance?) They move. They learn. They sleep well. They stay positive. They accept what is. They remain connected. They rely on the belt and suspenders. And most importantly, they don't wait for permission to live life to the fullest at any age. Yes, biology will win eventually. None of us gets out of this alive. But the real victory isn't in defeating what we can't control. It's in mastering what we can, for as long as we can, and living fully right up until biology takes its final bow. Don't Retire...ReWire! Sue Want more of this? Subscribe for weekly doses of retirement reality—no golf-cart clichés, no sunset stock photos, just straight talk about staying Hip, Fit & Financially Free.

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