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Retirement: For Better, For Worse, and for Much More Time Together

How to Navigate the Relationship Earthquake That Comes After the Final Paycheque

May 7, 2025

8 min

Sue Pimento

Retirement is supposed to be your golden reward—freedom from alarm clocks, endless Zoom meetings, and performance reviews. But no one warned you about the relationship performance review that arises when you and your partner suddenly find yourselves spending over 100 hours a week together.


For some, it’s bliss; for others, it feels like a full-time job without an HR department.

While grey divorce (divorce after age 50) is on the rise in Canada, separation isn’t inevitable. However, marital harmony is also not guaranteed. The truth lies somewhere in between—and that’s where things become interesting.  Retirement isn't merely a lifestyle change—it’s a complete identity shake-up, which can create stress even in the strongest relationships.


Grey Divorce: An Increasing Trend


Though Canada’s overall divorce rate reached a 50-year low in 2020, divorce among people over 50 is increasing—this trend is dubbed grey divorce. According to Statistics Canada, this demographic is increasingly re-evaluating their relationships as they retire (CBC News, 2024). The same pattern is unfolding south of the border, with the AARP reporting a steady rise in senior divorces in the U.S.


Grey divorce isn’t just emotionally taxing—it can be financially devastating. Women, in particular, bear the brunt. A study by the National Center for Family & Marriage Research found that divorced women over 50 have 45% less wealth than their married peers. In Canada, the Canadian Institute of Actuaries has warned that divorce later in life can significantly erode retirement savings and delay or derail financial plans.


Role Confusion


One retired executive shared that after decades of being chauffeured to work, he assumed retirement meant his wife would now be his driver. “I thought she’d just take over that role, as he climbed into the back seat,” he said, genuinely confused.


She had other plans that did not involve sitting behind a wheel, taking coffee orders, or navigating roundabouts. He had not yet made the emotional or physical shift from being served to becoming equal. That transition is more complicated than it sounds—and more common than you'd think.


When one partner’s identity is career-driven and the other manages the home, retirement necessitates a complete recalibration. Power dynamics shift, control issues surface, and resentment simmers if left unacknowledged.


Housework ≠ Heartwork


If you're home full-time now, guess what? You’re not a guest anymore. The dishes, the vacuuming, the grocery runs—these are now shared responsibilities.


Nothing breeds resentment faster than an unequal workload. Retirement doesn’t mean “relax”; rather, it signifies redistributing the work of life. Unspoken truths will find their voice.


Let’s face it—decades of unexpressed frustrations don’t remain buried. They begin to comment on how someone folds laundry, stacks the dishwasher, or leaves the cap off the toothpaste.


Retirement magnifies everything: the quirks you used to laugh off? Mansplaining! What habits did you ignore because life was busy? Now they’re front and center. And what bad habits did you have before? They don’t improve with age—they get worse.


Emotional and Mental Health Insights


Relationship difficulties can trigger anxiety, depression, and loneliness, especially among men who may have smaller support networks outside their marriages. A 2020 study in the Journal of Gerontology found that post-divorce social isolation is closely linked to declining physical and mental health in later life.


Not all couples want to—or need to—divorce to find peace. Increasingly, older Canadians are exploring “Living Apart Together” (LAT) arrangements, where partners maintain separate residences while remaining in a committed relationship. Research by the Vanier Institute and AARP suggests that LAT relationships allow for autonomy while maintaining emotional connection—a potential middle ground for couples who struggle with full-time togetherness in retirement.


For many, retirement means the loss of structure, identity, and purpose, particularly for those who have closely tied their sense of self to their professional roles. This loss can create irritability, aimlessness, and tension in a partnership. As Harvard Business Review put it, retirement can be especially tough for men because “so many men are bad at retirement” (HBR, 2021). This emotional void often spills over into the relationship, testing its resilience.


Retirement often brings a sudden reshuffling of roles at home. Many men who may have spent decades focused on their careers struggle to adjust to a more balanced domestic lifestyle. The Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives notes that retirement can expose long-standing gendered inequalities in household labour, leading to friction, resentment, and, at times, relationship breakdown.


How to Thrive—Together or Apart


The goal isn’t perfection; it’s peace, fulfillment, and ample personal space to breathe. Here’s how to get there: creatively, practically, and honestly.


1. Have the Real Conversations

Ask the questions you avoided when life was too busy:

• “Are we happy?”

• “What do you want out of the next ten years?”

• “Are there things we’ve never talked about that matter now?”

Unspoken expectations are relationship landmines. Bring them to light—gently and often.


2. Separate Bedrooms, United Front

Don’t frown; they are more common than you might think and less scandalous than it sounds. Separate sleep equals better rest, less irritation, and sometimes a more intentional intimate life.

Please don’t consider it a breakup; position it as a better mattress strategy.


3. The Basement Suite or In-Law Apartment Plan

This represents the sweet spot between staying together and going entirely separate. Living in the same house with clearly defined zones provides each partner with breathing room and independence, especially when you’ve grown apart but don’t want to disrupt finances or family.


Ground rules are essential:

• Who is responsible for what costs?

• Shared meals or separate?

• New partners—yay or nay?


It’s not perfect, but it can be practical.


4. A Second Space: Cottage, Trailer, or Tiny Cabin

A humble trailer or rustic cabin might save your marriage. It’s not about luxury—it’s about space, autonomy, and silence when needed. Whether alternating weekends or solo sabbaticals, having a backup place to go can restore harmony at home.


5. Travel Separately (Sometimes)

One of you wants to hike Machu Picchu, while the other prefers to nap in Muskoka. You don’t have to compromise; you can take turns.

Alternate between solo trips, friend getaways, or short solo retreats. You’ll both return refreshed—and more engaged.


6. Discover New Purpose (or Income)

A restless, lost, or bored partner can quietly sabotage the household. Encourage:

• Volunteering

• Consulting or part-time work

• Mentoring

• Taking courses or teaching others

• Rediscovering old passions


If Divorce Is the Best Option


At times, the most honest act is to end a marriage with kindness. If this is the only option, there are important factors to consider:


Financial Reality Check

• Assets will be divided, including the house, pensions, RRSPs, etc.

• Expenses double: two homes, two insurance policies, and two fridges to stock.

• Retirement income may not be sufficient for both lives.

• Legal costs and timing matter more than ever now—because the time to recover financially is limited. 


There are no pensions in tears. Therefore, if you choose this route, plan ahead.


Family Impact

• Adult children might feel shocked—or even angry.

• Grandchildren can pose challenging questions.

• Long-term friendships may weaken.

• Shared traditions may require reinvention.


This process can be amicable. A new term has emerged among women caring for their ill or aging ex-husbands: “Wasbands.” These women step up with empathy rather than obligation. Vows no longer bind them; instead, they are guided by compassion. Honestly, humanity wins in these situations. There is still love, respect, and history—even if it’s no longer romantic. That is not failure; it is growth.


Rewrite the Rules

Retirement is not a dead end; it’s a creative reawakening—if you approach it that way.

Retirement is a significant life transition—not just financially, but relationally. Like any other chapter in life, it requires renegotiation, mutual respect, and a willingness to evolve. Some couples find deeper intimacy, while others redefine their relationships entirely. The good news? Whether it's under one roof or two, retirement can still be a time of connection, discovery, and, yes, romance.


But it also requires some good, old-fashioned adulting. Yes, *adulting*—that modern word we usually reserve for paying bills, booking dental appointments, and reading the fine print. It turns out it’s equally essential in retirement. Emotional maturity, communication, boundary-setting, and a shared approach to evolving roles are all keys. Think of it like the Sonnet Insurance commercials that cheekily remind us adulting is hard but worth it. Retirement is also a factor, especially when approached with intention and a sense of humour.


This is your last chapter. Make it a good one. Whether you stay together, sleep apart, live separately under one roof, or consciously uncouple, do it with clarity, kindness, and courage. The goal isn’t a perfect love story; it’s a fulfilling life for both of you.


When in doubt, take a walk (alone if necessary). Share a joke. Communicate like adults. And for the love of long-term care insurance, remember: resentment compounds faster than interest.

If you enjoyed this article or thought, “Oh wow, this is exactly what my friend/parent/relative needs to read,” please share it. You can also subscribe to the Retirement Literacy newsletter for more smart, candid, and occasionally cheeky insights on navigating life after full-time work. Let’s make retirement not just the end of work, but the start of something meaningful, fulfilling, and a little fabulous.


Don’t Retire…Rewire!


p.s. Know someone who’s about to retire?— Why not share this worksheet?  It’s the best pre-retirement checklist they never knew they needed.



6 Questions to Ask Before Retiring Together


Retirement reshapes your schedule, your identity—and your relationship. Before you hand in your keycard, ask these candid questions with your partner.  Because the toughest part of retirement isn’t money—it’s time.


And you’ll be spending a lot more of it together.


1. What Do You Want This Chapter of Life to Look Like?

Dreams misaligned can lead to daily friction. Do you crave adventure while your partner seeks peace and quiet? Map it out—together.


2. How Much Time Do We Really Want to Spend Together?

“Always together” sounds sweet—until it feels stifling. Define your ideal balance between shared time and personal space.


3. What Roles Are We Playing Now—And Do They Need to Change?

Retirement often means rebalancing housework, caregiving, and emotional labor. What’s fair now that you’re both at home?


4. Are There Any Long-Standing Frustrations We’ve Avoided Talking About?

Retirement shines a spotlight on old resentments. It's better to talk than to silently stew over how the dishwasher is loaded.


5. How Will We Handle Money Decisions as a Team?

With changing income and more shared expenses, financial transparency and joint planning are more crucial than ever.


6. What Will Give Each of Us a Sense of Purpose—Individually?

A restless or bored partner can bring tension into the home. Talk about passions, volunteer work, or part-time pursuits that bring meaning.


Want more smart, candid insights?  Visit www.retirementliteracy.com to start rewriting your next chapter with clarity and confidence.




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Sue Pimento

Sue Pimento

Founder | CEO

Focused on financial literacy and retirement strategies. Authoring new book on home equity strategies to help seniors find financial freedom

Pension ReformInterest RatesHome EquityMortgagesReverse Mortgages

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Tip #1: Rethink Dining Out - A Once-A-Week Treat, Not a Routine I love to dine out. It’s great to leave the cooking to someone else, especially after a busy day. But this is also one of the fastest ways to drain your budget. In Toronto, the average cost of a casual dinner for two with wine is around $90–$120. Opt for a more upscale spot? You’re likely looking at $150+ after tax and tip. Savings Tips • Cutting out one dinner per week could save approximately $400–$500/month or $5,000–$6,000/year. • Think about hosting a monthly dinner with friends at home where everyone brings a dish. You’ll still enjoy social time—but for a fraction of the cost. Or maybe try organizing a game night. Perhaps it’s euchre or cribbage, or maybe charades they all have something in common (they don’t require a monthly fee). Organize a potluck to bring people together. 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When you call, here are some questions to ask: “Am I on the best plan for my usage?” “Are there any promotions I qualify for?” “Can I get a loyalty discount?” “Do you offer special discounts for seniors?” Keep in mind there are also senior-specific mobile plans from carriers like Zoomer Wireless, Public Mobile, or SpeakOut. • Don’t be shy about taking your business elsewhere. Carriers don’t want to lose subscribers and have special offers designed to make you want to stay. You’d be surprised how quickly they "find" a discount. Savings Tip #3: Don’t Throw Out Those Flyers and Coupons With inflation pushing up grocery prices, shopping smart matters more than ever. According to Statistics Canada, the average Canadian household now spends $1,065/month on groceries. So, it may be time to pay attention to those grocery store flyers you used to throw out. While Canadian data on potential savings is limited, US studies show that flyers and couponing can reduce costs by 10–25% for groceries and other household items if used consistently. Savings Tips: • Use apps like Flipp or visit sites like Smart Canuks to find online flyers you may have missed. • Sign up for loyalty cards to access extra discounts. One of the most popular savings programs, PC Optimum, offers frequent discounts and helps you collect points at Shoppers Drug Mart and Loblaws. Also, remember to swipe loyalty cards at the pump; many gas retailers offer discounts that can add up. • Consider shopping at stores like Walmart, which have pricing-matching policies for identical items you find advertised elsewhere. Saving Tip #4: Cut the “Daily Habits” That Add Up Remember, it’s not just the big expenses—it’s the daily ones that sneak up on you. Let’s look at a few “seemingly small” indulgences as examples: • 3 Starbucks Grande Lattes ($6.45 + tax) x 3 days/week = $1,137/year • Take-Out Lunch (for $12 + Tax) x 3 days/week = $2,115/year That’s over $3,000/year in “small” daily purchases! Savings Tips: • Prepare Meals in Advance: Cooking larger portions and planning for leftovers can minimize the temptation of ordering takeout. Planning meals and shopping with a list can prevent impulse purchases and reduce food waste. • Embrace the Home Café Trend: Investing in a quality coffee maker and brewing your own coffee can add joy to your day but also reduce your costs. • Set a Food Budget: Establishing a clear budget for dining out and groceries helps you track expenses and make more mindful spending decisions. Try allocating specific amounts to avoid overspending. Saving Tip #5: Leverage Senior Discounts if you are 60+ From transit to museums to groceries and drugstores, there are dozens of businesses that offer 10–20% off for seniors—but they don’t always advertise it. Many stores also have a set day of the week for seniors' discounts. Consider this: A $50 weekly purchase with 20% off saves $10—over $500/year. Savings Tips: • Shoppers Drug Mart has a 20% Seniors Day on Thursdays (for those 65+) • Rexall offers a 20% discount on Tuesdays • Many major retailers (e.g., Canadian Tire, Sobeys) offer senior discounts that vary by location—ask at checkout.  Cineplex has special pricing for seniors plus seasonal promos like $5 Tuesdays if you want to take the grandkids with you. Saving Tip #6: Mind Your Utilities and Insurance Reviewing these bills once a year can result in hundreds of dollars saved.  Consider switching to time-of-use electricity plans, which are offered in most areas. Check to see when cheaper rates are offered during off-peak hours, and look at using appliances such as your clothes dryer on off-peak hours.  You can also lower your insurance premiums by looking at options such as raising your deductible (if you’re comfortable with the risk). Also, look at rates offered by providers for “pay as you drive” insurance, especially if you aren’t using your car a lot. Also, if you are not bundling your home and auto insurance, you may be missing out on some savings. Saving Tip #7: Buy & Sell Online Many items we need can be found for a fraction of the cost used on platforms such as Facebook Marketplace and Kijiji. And remember, buying a used item also saves on tax. Many retirees have extra furniture, tools, collectibles, or tech they don’t need. It's now easier than ever to declutter and turn these unused items into extra cash. It’s All About Small Changes and Big Rewards Recessions are hard on everyone, but especially on those living on fixed incomes. The good news is that there are plenty of smart, manageable ways to reduce expenses without giving up all the good things in life. By becoming a more conscious consumer and checking in on your spending habits once or twice a year, you can save thousands of dollars annually—money that can be redirected toward travel, gifts for grandkids, or, if nothing else, it just may calm your nerves. Another Tip: Don’t Wait — Timing Matters If this trade war continues, housing values may dip, which means the equity you can access could shrink. Getting your Plan B in place now ensures you lock in flexibility and peace of mind before things tighten up.  Remember, it’s easier to get approved for a HELOC or reverse mortgage when you don’t urgently need it. It's better to set it up and keep it on standby than to wait until it’s too late. Talk It Out Stress develops in silence. Speak to family and friends about your concerns. They may not have all the answers, but they’ll provide emotional support — and possibly assist with paperwork or technical hurdles. If you have senior loved ones, check in and ask how they’re feeling about rising costs and uncertainty. These conversations go a long way and might even lead to better solutions. This trade war isn’t solely about economics. It involves peace of mind, dignity, and stability in retirement. While it may not be the type of Plan B that preoccupies the younger generation, it is equally important — perhaps even more so. So, take a breath. Make a plan. Get creative with your budget, and look at ways to save. Tap into your home equity if necessary, and don’t hesitate to ask for help. With the right Plan B, you can face the future with confidence — and perhaps even enjoy a little fun along the way.  Here's a handy checklist to help you get started.   Quick Wins Checklist ❏ Cancel one unused subscription ❏ Call your mobile carrier for a better deal ❏ Bring lunch instead of dining out 1x/week ❏ Use a coupon or flyer on your next grocery trip ❏ Look for a senior discount before you pay ❏ Brew your coffee at home 3 days this week ❏ Research potential discounts on your car insurance (bundling or pay-as-you-drive options) ❏ Use your clothes dryer or other appliances during off-peak hours to save on electricity Don’t Retire … Re-Wire! Sue

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How a Fraudster Almost Stole Graceland

In a recent case that left many “All Shook Up," a Missouri woman attempted to defraud the Presley family by claiming ownership of the iconic Graceland estate. Most stories involving “The King” make for good reading, and they also hold an important lesson for homeowners. This bold scheme is a stark reminder that fraud knows no boundaries—whether you live in a mansion or a modest home, fraudsters can and will target anyone. The Graceland Fraud Attempt Lisa Jeanine Findley, a 53-year-old from Missouri, orchestrated a plan to defraud Elvis Presley’s family of millions by attempting to claim ownership of Graceland. She falsely alleged that Lisa Marie Presley had used Graceland as collateral for a $3.8 million loan that remained unpaid at the time of her death in 2023. To support her claims, Findley fabricated loan documents and filed fraudulent foreclosure notices, threatening to auction the estate if the supposed debt wasn’t settled. Riley Keough, Lisa Marie’s daughter and heir to Graceland, challenged these claims in court, asserting that no such loan existed and labeling the foreclosure attempt as fraudulent. The court sided with Keough, blocking the sale and prompting Findley to withdraw her claims. Subsequently, Findley was arrested and charged with mail fraud and aggravated identity theft. She pleaded guilty in February 2025 and faces up to 20 years in prison, with sentencing scheduled for June 18, 2025. Lawrence v. Maple Trust - A Canadian Fraud Attempt Closer to home, in 2006, Toronto homeowner Susan Lawrence fell victim to a similar scheme. Fraudsters transferred the title of her fully paid-off home into their names and registered a fraudulent mortgage with Maple Trust. Lawrence only discovered the fraud when she attempted to access her home equity. After an initial ruling forced her to bear the mortgage debt, she appealed. The Ontario Court of Appeal reversed the decision, ruling that the lender should bear the loss, not the innocent homeowner. The case took nearly two years to resolve and cost Lawrence an estimated $50,000 to $100,000 in legal fees—not to mention the emotional and financial stress. Lessons for Homeowners about Fraud This case highlights several critical lessons for homeowners: 1. Be Vigilant Against Fraudulent Claims: If fraudsters can attempt to steal Graceland, they can target your home too. Monitor your property records for unauthorized changes. 2. Don't Divulge Sensitive Information: Fraudsters can use social engineering tactics to piece together important information you share and use it to forge or alter property ownership records etc.  Be careful with what you share, especially with strangers. 3. Regularly Monitor Property Records: Periodically checking public records for any unauthorized liens or claims against your property can help detect and address fraud early. Online credit reporting services such as Credit Karma offer free apps and email alerts that can help you spot potential fraud. 4. Beware of Contracts: Watch out for deceptive practices employed by certain rental companies, leading to unexpected financial obligations and complications. Using deceptive, high-pressure sales tactics, these companies can leave homeowners burdened with property liens after signing contracts for appliances like furnaces, air conditioners, and water heaters. If you are faced with this, don't rush the process.  Do some additional research and/or take the next step below. 5. Consult Legal Professionals: If you are pressured to sign a contract, receive dubious claims, or receive foreclosure notices, seek advice from qualified legal professionals to navigate the situation effectively. 4. Secure Title Insurance: Title insurance protects homeowners against potential defects in the title, including fraudulent claims. It’s a crucial safeguard that can prevent significant financial loss. Let’s unpack this last point about Title Insurance. What is Title Insurance: Your Best Defence Title insurance is a safeguard for homeowners, protecting them against potential issues related to the ownership of their property. This insurance ensures that the homeowner is shielded from financial loss if any unforeseen problems with the property’s title arise. Title insurance is a policy that protects property owners and lenders against financial loss resulting from defects in a property’s title. These defects can include unknown liens, encroachments, zoning violations, or even fraud that may have occurred before the homeowner acquired the property. Unlike other insurance types that cover future events, title insurance addresses past events that could affect property ownership. Why is Title Insurance Necessary? Purchasing a property is often the most significant investment individuals make. Title insurance provides peace of mind by ensuring the property’s title is clear and free from unforeseen issues. Without this protection, homeowners could face legal disputes or financial losses if a problem with the title emerges after the purchase. For instance, if a previous owner’s unpaid taxes or undisclosed heirs come forward claiming ownership, title insurance would cover the legal fees and potential losses associated with resolving these issues. The Cost of Title Insurance in Canada In Canada, the cost of title insurance varies depending on factors such as the property’s value and location. Typically, premiums for residential properties range from $250 to $500. However, the cost can increase for higher-valued properties. This premium is a one-time payment made during the closing process and remains valid for as long as the homeowner owns the property. Providers of Title Insurance in Canada Several reputable companies in Canada offer title insurance. Some of the prominent providers include: FCT (First Canadian Title) Stewart Title Please note: None of the providers above are sponsored links. How to Check if You Have Title Insurance If you’re uncertain whether you have title insurance, consider the following steps: 1. Review Your Closing Documents: Examine the paperwork you received during the property’s purchase. Look for any mention of title insurance policies. 2. Contact your real estate lawyer: The legal professional who helped with your property purchase should have records showing whether title insurance was obtained. 3. Contact Title Insurance Providers: Most Title Insurance companies maintain issued policy records. Contacting them directly can help confirm whether a policy exists for your property. Homeowners Without a Mortgage: A Higher Risk Group If you’re a homeowner who owns their property outright, you can be at a higher risk concerning title-related issues. Why? Fewer parties (such as lenders) monitor the property’s status when no mortgage is in place. By contrast, when a mortgage is involved, most lenders today, as a rule, require title insurance to protect their investment, indirectly safeguarding the homeowner as well. However, some homeowners might overlook obtaining title insurance without a lender's mandate. This leaves you more vulnerable to potential title defects or fraudulent claims against your property. Real estate fraud is not a problem reserved for the wealthy—any homeowner can become a target. Securing title insurance and staying vigilant is the best way to protect your property and your financial future.   It's such an important topic, I'll be sharing more tips on title insurance in future posts.  After all, as Elvis might say, “What I say is true; if it could happen to the King, it could happen to you.” Don’t Retire … Re-Wire! Sue

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