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Retirement: For Better, For Worse, and for Much More Time Together

How to Navigate the Relationship Earthquake That Comes After the Final Paycheque

May 7, 2025

8 min

Sue Pimento

Retirement is supposed to be your golden reward—freedom from alarm clocks, endless Zoom meetings, and performance reviews. But no one warned you about the relationship performance review that arises when you and your partner suddenly find yourselves spending over 100 hours a week together.


For some, it’s bliss; for others, it feels like a full-time job without an HR department.

While grey divorce (divorce after age 50) is on the rise in Canada, separation isn’t inevitable. However, marital harmony is also not guaranteed. The truth lies somewhere in between—and that’s where things become interesting.  Retirement isn't merely a lifestyle change—it’s a complete identity shake-up, which can create stress even in the strongest relationships.


Grey Divorce: An Increasing Trend


Though Canada’s overall divorce rate reached a 50-year low in 2020, divorce among people over 50 is increasing—this trend is dubbed grey divorce. According to Statistics Canada, this demographic is increasingly re-evaluating their relationships as they retire (CBC News, 2024). The same pattern is unfolding south of the border, with the AARP reporting a steady rise in senior divorces in the U.S.


Grey divorce isn’t just emotionally taxing—it can be financially devastating. Women, in particular, bear the brunt. A study by the National Center for Family & Marriage Research found that divorced women over 50 have 45% less wealth than their married peers. In Canada, the Canadian Institute of Actuaries has warned that divorce later in life can significantly erode retirement savings and delay or derail financial plans.


Role Confusion


One retired executive shared that after decades of being chauffeured to work, he assumed retirement meant his wife would now be his driver. “I thought she’d just take over that role, as he climbed into the back seat,” he said, genuinely confused.


She had other plans that did not involve sitting behind a wheel, taking coffee orders, or navigating roundabouts. He had not yet made the emotional or physical shift from being served to becoming equal. That transition is more complicated than it sounds—and more common than you'd think.


When one partner’s identity is career-driven and the other manages the home, retirement necessitates a complete recalibration. Power dynamics shift, control issues surface, and resentment simmers if left unacknowledged.


Housework ≠ Heartwork


If you're home full-time now, guess what? You’re not a guest anymore. The dishes, the vacuuming, the grocery runs—these are now shared responsibilities.


Nothing breeds resentment faster than an unequal workload. Retirement doesn’t mean “relax”; rather, it signifies redistributing the work of life. Unspoken truths will find their voice.


Let’s face it—decades of unexpressed frustrations don’t remain buried. They begin to comment on how someone folds laundry, stacks the dishwasher, or leaves the cap off the toothpaste.


Retirement magnifies everything: the quirks you used to laugh off? Mansplaining! What habits did you ignore because life was busy? Now they’re front and center. And what bad habits did you have before? They don’t improve with age—they get worse.


Emotional and Mental Health Insights


Relationship difficulties can trigger anxiety, depression, and loneliness, especially among men who may have smaller support networks outside their marriages. A 2020 study in the Journal of Gerontology found that post-divorce social isolation is closely linked to declining physical and mental health in later life.


Not all couples want to—or need to—divorce to find peace. Increasingly, older Canadians are exploring “Living Apart Together” (LAT) arrangements, where partners maintain separate residences while remaining in a committed relationship. Research by the Vanier Institute and AARP suggests that LAT relationships allow for autonomy while maintaining emotional connection—a potential middle ground for couples who struggle with full-time togetherness in retirement.


For many, retirement means the loss of structure, identity, and purpose, particularly for those who have closely tied their sense of self to their professional roles. This loss can create irritability, aimlessness, and tension in a partnership. As Harvard Business Review put it, retirement can be especially tough for men because “so many men are bad at retirement” (HBR, 2021). This emotional void often spills over into the relationship, testing its resilience.


Retirement often brings a sudden reshuffling of roles at home. Many men who may have spent decades focused on their careers struggle to adjust to a more balanced domestic lifestyle. The Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives notes that retirement can expose long-standing gendered inequalities in household labour, leading to friction, resentment, and, at times, relationship breakdown.


How to Thrive—Together or Apart


The goal isn’t perfection; it’s peace, fulfillment, and ample personal space to breathe. Here’s how to get there: creatively, practically, and honestly.


1. Have the Real Conversations

Ask the questions you avoided when life was too busy:

• “Are we happy?”

• “What do you want out of the next ten years?”

• “Are there things we’ve never talked about that matter now?”

Unspoken expectations are relationship landmines. Bring them to light—gently and often.


2. Separate Bedrooms, United Front

Don’t frown; they are more common than you might think and less scandalous than it sounds. Separate sleep equals better rest, less irritation, and sometimes a more intentional intimate life.

Please don’t consider it a breakup; position it as a better mattress strategy.


3. The Basement Suite or In-Law Apartment Plan

This represents the sweet spot between staying together and going entirely separate. Living in the same house with clearly defined zones provides each partner with breathing room and independence, especially when you’ve grown apart but don’t want to disrupt finances or family.


Ground rules are essential:

• Who is responsible for what costs?

• Shared meals or separate?

• New partners—yay or nay?


It’s not perfect, but it can be practical.


4. A Second Space: Cottage, Trailer, or Tiny Cabin

A humble trailer or rustic cabin might save your marriage. It’s not about luxury—it’s about space, autonomy, and silence when needed. Whether alternating weekends or solo sabbaticals, having a backup place to go can restore harmony at home.


5. Travel Separately (Sometimes)

One of you wants to hike Machu Picchu, while the other prefers to nap in Muskoka. You don’t have to compromise; you can take turns.

Alternate between solo trips, friend getaways, or short solo retreats. You’ll both return refreshed—and more engaged.


6. Discover New Purpose (or Income)

A restless, lost, or bored partner can quietly sabotage the household. Encourage:

• Volunteering

• Consulting or part-time work

• Mentoring

• Taking courses or teaching others

• Rediscovering old passions


If Divorce Is the Best Option


At times, the most honest act is to end a marriage with kindness. If this is the only option, there are important factors to consider:


Financial Reality Check

• Assets will be divided, including the house, pensions, RRSPs, etc.

• Expenses double: two homes, two insurance policies, and two fridges to stock.

• Retirement income may not be sufficient for both lives.

• Legal costs and timing matter more than ever now—because the time to recover financially is limited. 


There are no pensions in tears. Therefore, if you choose this route, plan ahead.


Family Impact

• Adult children might feel shocked—or even angry.

• Grandchildren can pose challenging questions.

• Long-term friendships may weaken.

• Shared traditions may require reinvention.


This process can be amicable. A new term has emerged among women caring for their ill or aging ex-husbands: “Wasbands.” These women step up with empathy rather than obligation. Vows no longer bind them; instead, they are guided by compassion. Honestly, humanity wins in these situations. There is still love, respect, and history—even if it’s no longer romantic. That is not failure; it is growth.


Rewrite the Rules

Retirement is not a dead end; it’s a creative reawakening—if you approach it that way.

Retirement is a significant life transition—not just financially, but relationally. Like any other chapter in life, it requires renegotiation, mutual respect, and a willingness to evolve. Some couples find deeper intimacy, while others redefine their relationships entirely. The good news? Whether it's under one roof or two, retirement can still be a time of connection, discovery, and, yes, romance.


But it also requires some good, old-fashioned adulting. Yes, *adulting*—that modern word we usually reserve for paying bills, booking dental appointments, and reading the fine print. It turns out it’s equally essential in retirement. Emotional maturity, communication, boundary-setting, and a shared approach to evolving roles are all keys. Think of it like the Sonnet Insurance commercials that cheekily remind us adulting is hard but worth it. Retirement is also a factor, especially when approached with intention and a sense of humour.


This is your last chapter. Make it a good one. Whether you stay together, sleep apart, live separately under one roof, or consciously uncouple, do it with clarity, kindness, and courage. The goal isn’t a perfect love story; it’s a fulfilling life for both of you.


When in doubt, take a walk (alone if necessary). Share a joke. Communicate like adults. And for the love of long-term care insurance, remember: resentment compounds faster than interest.

If you enjoyed this article or thought, “Oh wow, this is exactly what my friend/parent/relative needs to read,” please share it. You can also subscribe to the Retirement Literacy newsletter for more smart, candid, and occasionally cheeky insights on navigating life after full-time work. Let’s make retirement not just the end of work, but the start of something meaningful, fulfilling, and a little fabulous.


Don’t Retire…Rewire!


p.s. Know someone who’s about to retire?— Why not share this worksheet?  It’s the best pre-retirement checklist they never knew they needed.



6 Questions to Ask Before Retiring Together


Retirement reshapes your schedule, your identity—and your relationship. Before you hand in your keycard, ask these candid questions with your partner.  Because the toughest part of retirement isn’t money—it’s time.


And you’ll be spending a lot more of it together.


1. What Do You Want This Chapter of Life to Look Like?

Dreams misaligned can lead to daily friction. Do you crave adventure while your partner seeks peace and quiet? Map it out—together.


2. How Much Time Do We Really Want to Spend Together?

“Always together” sounds sweet—until it feels stifling. Define your ideal balance between shared time and personal space.


3. What Roles Are We Playing Now—And Do They Need to Change?

Retirement often means rebalancing housework, caregiving, and emotional labor. What’s fair now that you’re both at home?


4. Are There Any Long-Standing Frustrations We’ve Avoided Talking About?

Retirement shines a spotlight on old resentments. It's better to talk than to silently stew over how the dishwasher is loaded.


5. How Will We Handle Money Decisions as a Team?

With changing income and more shared expenses, financial transparency and joint planning are more crucial than ever.


6. What Will Give Each of Us a Sense of Purpose—Individually?

A restless or bored partner can bring tension into the home. Talk about passions, volunteer work, or part-time pursuits that bring meaning.


Want more smart, candid insights?  Visit www.retirementliteracy.com to start rewriting your next chapter with clarity and confidence.




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Sue Pimento

Sue Pimento

Founder | CEO

Focused on financial literacy and retirement strategies. Authoring new book on home equity strategies to help seniors find financial freedom

Pension ReformInterest RatesHome EquityMortgagesReverse Mortgages

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The Retirement Games

Have you ever dreamed of being an Olympic athlete? Perhaps you have wondered what it would feel like to stand on that podium in front of the world as your national anthem plays. For most Olympic athletes, the journey begins very early in life. But imagine what it would be like if you started training for this event in your 60s? Read on if you want an edge to discover how to win the Retirement Games and still pass the drug test (let’s face it, peeing is not an issue for many at that age)! Here is your chance to get on the podium at the most crucial game of your life. On Your Marks, Get Set, Ready, Go! Retirement was more like a coffee break five decades ago—brief, predictable, and over before your muffin cooled. In 1975, the average Canadian could expect to live about 73.53 years. Fast forward to 2025; we're clocking in at nearly 83.26 years. Even juicier? 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The rest doesn’t matter without them; we’re not just talking about lifting weights. (Though, yes, lift some weights.) Regular physical activity provides numerous benefits for older adults, including a reduced risk of dementia and enhanced cognitive function. Exercise can help maintain brain health, reduce mental decline, and even reverse some age-related brain shrinkage. Additionally, physical activity can improve mood, reduce anxiety, and enhance balance and coordination, leading to a better quality of life. • Strength training enhances bone density, metabolism, and mental health. (Source: Mayo Clinic) • Flexibility and balance? Try yoga or tai chi. Harvard Health says they reduce pain and stiffness. • Mental fitness? Cue up Wordle, Canuckle (the Canadian cousin), or Sudoku. • Dancing? It's beneficial for your brain and your swagger  • Listening to music or playing an instrument can reduce stress and boost memory. Gold Medal Tip: Motivation is overrated; action is everything. Don’t be a couch potato. A new study conducted at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine shows that older adults who spend more time sedentary — such as sitting or lying down — may be at a higher risk for lower cognition and in areas linked to the development of Alzheimer’s disease, no matter how much they exercise! So make sure you show up, move, and the motivation will catch up. Wealth Training: Stop Hoping, Start Budgeting Here's a shocker: Retirement doesn't mean your expenses magically disappear. According to Steve Willems' podcast “10 Retirement Myths You May Not Want to Believe,” most retirees don’t spend less. Aside from the mortgage, spending remains surprisingly consistent, especially during the Go-Go years (ages 55-75)”. We like what we like: groceries, entertainment, travel, and stylish or comfortable clothes are still on our shopping lists. That’s why many of us in retirement will need to pay more attention to spending and budgeting. 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And don’t forget the dreaded government clawback (formally known as the Old Age Security Pension Recovery Tax which starts at ~$90,997. • Canada Pension Plan (CPP): The average monthly payment is $758, while the maximum is $1,364 per month or $16,368 per year. So with these two programs combined, provided you meet requirements, as a senior, you're looking at somewhere between $17,000–$25,000/year before tax. If your lifestyle needs a bit more jazz hands, here’s how to bridge the gap:   DIY Income Builders: • Slash debt. Every dollar you don't spend is one you keep. • Downsize and bank the equity. • Buy or build an ADU and rent it. I have written more about ADU's here. • HELOC or Reverse mortgage (borrow strategically). • Withdraw from investments (4% rule). • Monetize your skills: consulting, tutoring, or writing that novel you started in 1993. Gold Medal Tip: Track your joy per dollar. If you’re going to spend, make it worth it. 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A study in JAMA Psychiatry found that people with a sense of purpose had a lower risk of mortality and disability  Purpose-Driven Paths: • Volunteer: Look for a cause that fires you up. • Get a part-time job: Perhaps you can fill in at a local bookstore, garden center or be a barista? • Hobbies: Take up painting, pottery, or poetry. • Go Back to School: Many Universities such as The University of Toronto offer free, non-credit courses through programs as part of their community outreach.  Seniors (over 60) enrolled at York University may have all or part of their academic fees waived at the domestic fee rate for York University degree credit courses as part of their mature student program. • Spend real time with people you love, maybe your grandkids or elderly parents. • Reconnect with old friends – not just on Facebook, but in person • Get out of your backyard and see the world Gold Medal Tip: You're never too young (or too old) to chase what lights you up. 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Attitude Training: Stop Acting Your Age Here’s a radical thought: Maybe we feel old because we act old. Want to stay young? Stay curious, try new things. Try line dancing, pickleball, bird watching, improv, or learning to code. Yes, code. What was the worst advice our mothers gave us? “Act your age.” Nonsense! Whoever said, “You’re only as old as you feel” was on to something – but let’s take it up a notch: How about you’re only as old as your playlist! The Power of a Youthful Attitude in Retirement A successful retirement isn’t just about savings accounts and spreadsheets — it’s about mindset. A positive, youthful attitude is one of the most powerful (and overlooked) assets you can carry into retirement. Even if you don’t feel youthful or optimistic, “fake it ‘til you make it” is more than just a catchy phrase—it’s a strategy. The goal isn't to accurately describe your aches, fears, or fatigue but to set yourself up for success! Science backs it up: a positive outlook boosts health, sharpens cognition, and increases longevity. From a practical perspective, optimism makes it easier to try new things, adapt to change, and enjoy the present—all essential in retirement. So, if the voice in your head says, “I’m too old for that,” try responding with, “This is my time.” You begin to build because what you tell yourself matters, as does what you believe. Retirement is your reward. Approach it like the vibrant, capable, unstoppable human you are because attitude, not age, sets the tone. Gold Medal Tip: You’re only as old as the last thing you tried for the first time. Try something ridiculous, I double dare you! Final Stretch The Retirement Games are here, and let me be crystal clear: this isn’t amateur hour. This is your Olympic moment, with medals awarded for stamina, strategy, and a solid sense of humour. Whether you're rounding the first turn at 45 or doing your victory lap at 75, now is the time to train. You’ve built strength, stretched your budget, flexed your purpose muscle, assembled your dream team, and rebooted your mindset. Now it’s time to lace up, lean in, and live life to the fullest. This isn’t about perfection; it’s about preparation. You won’t achieve a podium finish through wishful thinking; you’ll attain it through action, adaptation, and a great deal of repetition. So, put on your metaphorical tracksuit (or actual tracksuit if it's laundry day) and begin training with determination. The gold medal retirement isn’t just possible—it’s within reach. Cue the confetti cannon. You’re not just aging—you’re advancing. And champions, as we know, don’t retire… they rewire, recharge, and rewrite the playbook. On Your Marks, Get Set, THRIVE! Don’t Retire … Re-Wire! Sue

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Let’s start with a familiar—and slightly ridiculous—scene: a retired couple with $750,000 safely tucked away in investments, quietly nibbling no-name tuna on toast while muttering, “We just can’t afford steak anymore.” Sound absurd? Sadly, it’s not fiction. Despite having ample savings, many retirees live with perpetual financial anxiety, clinging to their nest egg as if it were their last roll of toilet paper during a pandemic. Meanwhile, they try to survive solely on government pensions, making life unnecessarily stressful and, let’s face it, a bit joyless. I've wrestled with this as someone who entered retirement earlier than expected. Years in finance taught me how to budget, invest, and plan, but transitioning from saving to spending required a whole new mindset. I learned quickly that being financially “prepared” doesn’t mean you’re emotionally or psychologically ready to spend. So, what’s going on here? The Hypothesis: Individuals Prefer Spending Income Rather Than Saving Retirees prefer spending income (pensions or annuities) rather than withdrawing from savings or investment accounts. This isn’t just a quirky behavioural trend—it’s a deeply ingrained bias, and neuroscience supports it. Research by Michael S. Finke, a professor at The American College and noted researcher in retirement economics, revealed that retirees tend to spend most of their guaranteed income but only withdraw about half of their savings. In his words: “Retirees spend lifetime income, not savings.” The implication is clear: it’s not about how much money you have but how it feels to use it. This is partly due to what behavioral economists call “mental accounting.” We categorize our money into imaginary buckets: income is for spending, and savings are for safekeeping. Unfortunately, this can lead to financially irrational and highly risk-averse behaviors, such as eating cat food while having six figures in a TFSA. The Neuroscience of Spending Fear Add a little neuroscience, and the story deepens. As we age, changes in the brain, particularly in the prefrontal cortex, can affect how we assess risk and manage uncertainty. This can lead to: • Increased loss aversion: We more acutely feel the pain of spending or loss. • Decision paralysis: We delay or avoid withdrawals, even when reasonable. • Heightened anxiety about the future: We fear running out more than we enjoy spending in the present. This Fear of Running Out (FORO), which I’ve written about in a previous post, keeps many retirees in a defensive crouch, emotionally hoarding their savings rather than using them to enrich the years they worked so hard to reach. It’s no wonder money stress impacts us so deeply—our brains are wired that way. From an evolutionary perspective, our minds are designed to fear scarcity because running out of resources once posed a real danger. When we perceive that threat today, whether it’s a dip in our investments or rising grocery bills, our brain shifts into fight-or-flight mode and begins releasing cortisol—the stress hormone that heightens our anxiety. Then our amygdala, that little alarm system in our brain designed to protect us from danger, can’t differentiate between a financial crisis and a sabre-toothed tiger. So, it reacts similarly, nudging us toward quick, often irrational decisions. Sometimes that means freezing and doing nothing; other times, it leads to panicking and regretful choices.  Understanding how our brains function under financial stress allows us to step back, breathe, and make better, calmer decisions—ones that serve us, not scare us. Retirement can be wonderfully freeing—no more commutes, no more meetings—but let’s be honest: it also comes with a significant shift in financial responsibility. Without that steady paycheck, it’s completely normal to feel uneasy about how you'll manage your money, especially when unexpected expenses arise. Sure, there are mindset tools and mental prep strategies that can help ease that existential “What now?” feeling before retirement. But let’s be specific—here are the real, concrete financial stressors that keep many retirees awake at night: • Not Enough Income: One of the biggest fears? Your savings won’t stretch far enough to support the life you want—or handle surprises. • Healthcare Costs: As we age, medical expenses climb. It’s not just the big stuff, either. Even prescriptions and dental bills can blow a hole in your budget. • Market Ups and Downs: A stock market dip can uniquely affect retirees. Observing your investments fluctuate can cause genuine anxiety regarding your income, especially in today’s “trade war” environment. • Inflation: We all feel it. The gradual rise of higher prices erodes your purchasing power, making that carefully saved nest egg feel less secure. • Living Longer Than Planned: It's both a blessing and a challenge. If you're healthy and living well into your 90s (and many do), the big question becomes: will your money last as long as you do? Here’s the good news: when you acknowledge these risks and build a plan around them, you exchange fear for control. And with power comes clarity, confidence, and significantly less stress. That’s when you can truly enjoy retirement—on your terms. How to Flip the Script: Make Savings Feel Like Income So, how can retirees overcome this psychological hurdle? Here are 3 powerful strategies: 1. Create Artificial Income Streams Turn a portion of your savings into predictable, automatic income. This could mean: • Setting up regular monthly withdrawals from an RRIF • Purchasing an annuity • Utilizing a bucket strategy, in which one portion of savings is maintained in a cash-like account to replicate a paycheck When money shows up like a salary, you’re more likely to feel permission to spend it. 2. Use Home Equity as a Back-Up Income Source A secured line of credit (HELOC) or a reverse mortgage can serve as a “Plan B” or income buffer. Knowing that the funds are available can alleviate anxiety, whether you use them or not. 3. Involve Family in Income Planning Sometimes, the best way to reframe a spending decision is through conversation. Adult children or trusted advisors can help develop a spending strategy that feels both secure and reasonable. Families can be invaluable in helping you design: • Emergency funding plans for unexpected expenses like healthcare • Gifting strategies (Want to help the kids or grandkids? Do it while you’re alive to see the joy!) • Income simulations replacing a regular paycheck Open conversations can also help uncover mismatched expectations. For instance, some older adults worry that spending their savings will leave less of an inheritance for their children, which might cause disappointment. But in many cases, their children would much rather see their parents use that money to care for themselves and enjoy their retirement years. The great irony of retirement? The hardest part isn’t building wealth; it’s allowing yourself to enjoy it. So, let’s retire the notion that frugality is forever. Replace the guilt of spending with the confidence of an income strategy. And if you're facing your savings with trepidation, remember: cat food may be a pantry staple for your pet, but it’s no reward for 40 years of hard work. Retirement isn't merely a financial phase—it’s a shift in mindset. That shift begins when we stop hoarding and start living.

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