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Retirement: For Better, For Worse, and for Much More Time Together

How to Navigate the Relationship Earthquake That Comes After the Final Paycheque

May 7, 2025

8 min

Sue Pimento

Retirement is supposed to be your golden reward—freedom from alarm clocks, endless Zoom meetings, and performance reviews. But no one warned you about the relationship performance review that arises when you and your partner suddenly find yourselves spending over 100 hours a week together.


For some, it’s bliss; for others, it feels like a full-time job without an HR department.

While grey divorce (divorce after age 50) is on the rise in Canada, separation isn’t inevitable. However, marital harmony is also not guaranteed. The truth lies somewhere in between—and that’s where things become interesting.  Retirement isn't merely a lifestyle change—it’s a complete identity shake-up, which can create stress even in the strongest relationships.


Grey Divorce: An Increasing Trend


Though Canada’s overall divorce rate reached a 50-year low in 2020, divorce among people over 50 is increasing—this trend is dubbed grey divorce. According to Statistics Canada, this demographic is increasingly re-evaluating their relationships as they retire (CBC News, 2024). The same pattern is unfolding south of the border, with the AARP reporting a steady rise in senior divorces in the U.S.


Grey divorce isn’t just emotionally taxing—it can be financially devastating. Women, in particular, bear the brunt. A study by the National Center for Family & Marriage Research found that divorced women over 50 have 45% less wealth than their married peers. In Canada, the Canadian Institute of Actuaries has warned that divorce later in life can significantly erode retirement savings and delay or derail financial plans.


Role Confusion


One retired executive shared that after decades of being chauffeured to work, he assumed retirement meant his wife would now be his driver. “I thought she’d just take over that role, as he climbed into the back seat,” he said, genuinely confused.


She had other plans that did not involve sitting behind a wheel, taking coffee orders, or navigating roundabouts. He had not yet made the emotional or physical shift from being served to becoming equal. That transition is more complicated than it sounds—and more common than you'd think.


When one partner’s identity is career-driven and the other manages the home, retirement necessitates a complete recalibration. Power dynamics shift, control issues surface, and resentment simmers if left unacknowledged.


Housework ≠ Heartwork


If you're home full-time now, guess what? You’re not a guest anymore. The dishes, the vacuuming, the grocery runs—these are now shared responsibilities.


Nothing breeds resentment faster than an unequal workload. Retirement doesn’t mean “relax”; rather, it signifies redistributing the work of life. Unspoken truths will find their voice.


Let’s face it—decades of unexpressed frustrations don’t remain buried. They begin to comment on how someone folds laundry, stacks the dishwasher, or leaves the cap off the toothpaste.


Retirement magnifies everything: the quirks you used to laugh off? Mansplaining! What habits did you ignore because life was busy? Now they’re front and center. And what bad habits did you have before? They don’t improve with age—they get worse.


Emotional and Mental Health Insights


Relationship difficulties can trigger anxiety, depression, and loneliness, especially among men who may have smaller support networks outside their marriages. A 2020 study in the Journal of Gerontology found that post-divorce social isolation is closely linked to declining physical and mental health in later life.


Not all couples want to—or need to—divorce to find peace. Increasingly, older Canadians are exploring “Living Apart Together” (LAT) arrangements, where partners maintain separate residences while remaining in a committed relationship. Research by the Vanier Institute and AARP suggests that LAT relationships allow for autonomy while maintaining emotional connection—a potential middle ground for couples who struggle with full-time togetherness in retirement.


For many, retirement means the loss of structure, identity, and purpose, particularly for those who have closely tied their sense of self to their professional roles. This loss can create irritability, aimlessness, and tension in a partnership. As Harvard Business Review put it, retirement can be especially tough for men because “so many men are bad at retirement” (HBR, 2021). This emotional void often spills over into the relationship, testing its resilience.


Retirement often brings a sudden reshuffling of roles at home. Many men who may have spent decades focused on their careers struggle to adjust to a more balanced domestic lifestyle. The Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives notes that retirement can expose long-standing gendered inequalities in household labour, leading to friction, resentment, and, at times, relationship breakdown.


How to Thrive—Together or Apart


The goal isn’t perfection; it’s peace, fulfillment, and ample personal space to breathe. Here’s how to get there: creatively, practically, and honestly.


1. Have the Real Conversations

Ask the questions you avoided when life was too busy:

• “Are we happy?”

• “What do you want out of the next ten years?”

• “Are there things we’ve never talked about that matter now?”

Unspoken expectations are relationship landmines. Bring them to light—gently and often.


2. Separate Bedrooms, United Front

Don’t frown; they are more common than you might think and less scandalous than it sounds. Separate sleep equals better rest, less irritation, and sometimes a more intentional intimate life.

Please don’t consider it a breakup; position it as a better mattress strategy.


3. The Basement Suite or In-Law Apartment Plan

This represents the sweet spot between staying together and going entirely separate. Living in the same house with clearly defined zones provides each partner with breathing room and independence, especially when you’ve grown apart but don’t want to disrupt finances or family.


Ground rules are essential:

• Who is responsible for what costs?

• Shared meals or separate?

• New partners—yay or nay?


It’s not perfect, but it can be practical.


4. A Second Space: Cottage, Trailer, or Tiny Cabin

A humble trailer or rustic cabin might save your marriage. It’s not about luxury—it’s about space, autonomy, and silence when needed. Whether alternating weekends or solo sabbaticals, having a backup place to go can restore harmony at home.


5. Travel Separately (Sometimes)

One of you wants to hike Machu Picchu, while the other prefers to nap in Muskoka. You don’t have to compromise; you can take turns.

Alternate between solo trips, friend getaways, or short solo retreats. You’ll both return refreshed—and more engaged.


6. Discover New Purpose (or Income)

A restless, lost, or bored partner can quietly sabotage the household. Encourage:

• Volunteering

• Consulting or part-time work

• Mentoring

• Taking courses or teaching others

• Rediscovering old passions


If Divorce Is the Best Option


At times, the most honest act is to end a marriage with kindness. If this is the only option, there are important factors to consider:


Financial Reality Check

• Assets will be divided, including the house, pensions, RRSPs, etc.

• Expenses double: two homes, two insurance policies, and two fridges to stock.

• Retirement income may not be sufficient for both lives.

• Legal costs and timing matter more than ever now—because the time to recover financially is limited. 


There are no pensions in tears. Therefore, if you choose this route, plan ahead.


Family Impact

• Adult children might feel shocked—or even angry.

• Grandchildren can pose challenging questions.

• Long-term friendships may weaken.

• Shared traditions may require reinvention.


This process can be amicable. A new term has emerged among women caring for their ill or aging ex-husbands: “Wasbands.” These women step up with empathy rather than obligation. Vows no longer bind them; instead, they are guided by compassion. Honestly, humanity wins in these situations. There is still love, respect, and history—even if it’s no longer romantic. That is not failure; it is growth.


Rewrite the Rules

Retirement is not a dead end; it’s a creative reawakening—if you approach it that way.

Retirement is a significant life transition—not just financially, but relationally. Like any other chapter in life, it requires renegotiation, mutual respect, and a willingness to evolve. Some couples find deeper intimacy, while others redefine their relationships entirely. The good news? Whether it's under one roof or two, retirement can still be a time of connection, discovery, and, yes, romance.


But it also requires some good, old-fashioned adulting. Yes, *adulting*—that modern word we usually reserve for paying bills, booking dental appointments, and reading the fine print. It turns out it’s equally essential in retirement. Emotional maturity, communication, boundary-setting, and a shared approach to evolving roles are all keys. Think of it like the Sonnet Insurance commercials that cheekily remind us adulting is hard but worth it. Retirement is also a factor, especially when approached with intention and a sense of humour.


This is your last chapter. Make it a good one. Whether you stay together, sleep apart, live separately under one roof, or consciously uncouple, do it with clarity, kindness, and courage. The goal isn’t a perfect love story; it’s a fulfilling life for both of you.


When in doubt, take a walk (alone if necessary). Share a joke. Communicate like adults. And for the love of long-term care insurance, remember: resentment compounds faster than interest.

If you enjoyed this article or thought, “Oh wow, this is exactly what my friend/parent/relative needs to read,” please share it. You can also subscribe to the Retirement Literacy newsletter for more smart, candid, and occasionally cheeky insights on navigating life after full-time work. Let’s make retirement not just the end of work, but the start of something meaningful, fulfilling, and a little fabulous.


Don’t Retire…Rewire!


p.s. Know someone who’s about to retire?— Why not share this worksheet?  It’s the best pre-retirement checklist they never knew they needed.



6 Questions to Ask Before Retiring Together


Retirement reshapes your schedule, your identity—and your relationship. Before you hand in your keycard, ask these candid questions with your partner.  Because the toughest part of retirement isn’t money—it’s time.


And you’ll be spending a lot more of it together.


1. What Do You Want This Chapter of Life to Look Like?

Dreams misaligned can lead to daily friction. Do you crave adventure while your partner seeks peace and quiet? Map it out—together.


2. How Much Time Do We Really Want to Spend Together?

“Always together” sounds sweet—until it feels stifling. Define your ideal balance between shared time and personal space.


3. What Roles Are We Playing Now—And Do They Need to Change?

Retirement often means rebalancing housework, caregiving, and emotional labor. What’s fair now that you’re both at home?


4. Are There Any Long-Standing Frustrations We’ve Avoided Talking About?

Retirement shines a spotlight on old resentments. It's better to talk than to silently stew over how the dishwasher is loaded.


5. How Will We Handle Money Decisions as a Team?

With changing income and more shared expenses, financial transparency and joint planning are more crucial than ever.


6. What Will Give Each of Us a Sense of Purpose—Individually?

A restless or bored partner can bring tension into the home. Talk about passions, volunteer work, or part-time pursuits that bring meaning.


Want more smart, candid insights?  Visit www.retirementliteracy.com to start rewriting your next chapter with clarity and confidence.




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Sue Pimento

Sue Pimento

Founder | CEO

Focused on financial literacy and retirement strategies. Authoring new book on home equity strategies to help seniors find financial freedom

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For families, it's about showing up, listening, and laughing together. Because one day, those elders' stories will become yours. And you'll want someone to care enough to hear them, too. So let's make this season count. Let's call more, visit more, and laugh more. Let's honor the past while making new memories. And let's remember that the best traditions aren't the ones that stay the same—they're the ones that adapt, evolve, and keep bringing us together. Now pass the eggnog. The spiked kind. Let's All Sit Under the Mistletoe and Sing the Retired Remix of "Jingle Bells" (To the tune of "Jingle Bells") Dashing through the snow, With a walker all in tow, To the mall we go, Moving nice and slow! Family's out of sight, Texting through the night, Oh, what fun it is to Zoom My grandkids once a night—hey! Chorus: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, Oh, what fun it is to chat With friends who won't delay—hey! Jingle bells, jingle bells, laughter saves the day, Lonely hearts can still feel joy— If love just finds a way. Happy holidays, everyone. May your turkey be moist, your family be present, and your eggnog be strong. Want more insights like this? Subscribe to my free newsletter here, where I share practical strategies, real-world stories, and straight talk about navigating retirement with confidence—not confusion. Plus, all subscribers get exclusive early access to advance chapters from my upcoming book. For Canadians 55+: Get actionable advice on making your home equity work for you, understanding your options, and living retirement on your terms. For Mortgage Brokers and Financial Professionals: Learn how to become the trusted advisor your 55+ clients—it's your opportunity to build lasting relationships in Canada's fastest-growing demographic. Sue Don’t Retire…Re-Wire! References & Resources for You or a Loved One On Loneliness and Social Isolation: • U.S. Surgeon General. (2023). Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General's Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community. https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf • Medicare FAQ. (2024). Loneliness in Seniors Statistics: Combating Social Isolation. https://www.medicarefaq.com/blog/senior-loneliness-statistics/ • Mayo Clinic. (2023). Loneliness and Social Isolation Through the Holidays. https://newsnetwork.mayoclinic.org/discussion/loneliness-and-social-isolation-through-the-holidays/ On Depression and Mental Health: • Kok, R.M., & Reynolds, C.F. (2020). The association between loneliness and depressive symptoms among adults aged 50 years and older: A 12-year population-based cohort study. The Lancet Psychiatry. https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanpsy/article/PIIS2215-0366(20)30383-7/fulltext • Cigna. (2021). The Loneliness Epidemic Persists: A Post-Pandemic Look at the State of Loneliness Among U.S. Adults. On Traditions and Rituals: • Oregon Counseling. Why Traditions Matter to Mental Health. https://oregoncounseling.com/article/why-traditions-matter-to-mental-health/ • Care365. Maintaining Traditions with Seniors. https://www.care365.care/resources/maintaining-traditions-with-seniors Additional Support: • National Council on Aging. Four Steps to Combat Loneliness in Seniors During the Holidays. https://www.ncoa.org/article/four-steps-to-combat-loneliness-in-seniors-during-the-holiday-and-beyond/ Emergency Services If the situation is urgent or someone is in immediate danger: Call 911. Canada Suicide Prevention Service (CSPS) • Call: 1-833-456-4566 (available nationwide, 24/7) • Text: 45645 (evenings) • Chat: available at 988.ca

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When Markets Wobble (Part 2): How Canadians Can Use Home Equity as Their Ultimate Cash Wedge:

In an earlier post I laid out one of the foundational blocks of your retirement defense system: the "Cash Wedge" - that boring-but-brilliant cushion of cash, GICs, and T-Bills that protects you from selling investments when markets wobble. The Cash Wedge is the mild-mannered superhero of your retirement plan. It buys you time, flexibility, and peace of mind, as it gives you permission to wait for markets to recover—  Now if you missed Part 1, go back and give it a quick read here. For Canadian homeowners — especially those whose wealth is mostly in their property — there are additional options that allow you to use your equity as a second buffer, dramatically strengthening your financial resilience.  How Home Equity Strategies Can Help You Create a Backup Wedge for Retirement Here's the risk that catches thousands off guard: sequence-of-returns risk combined with home equity concentration. Translation: While you own your home, you encounter problematic market conditions early in retirement while withdrawing, and your options narrow quickly. Author Wade Pfau's research demonstrates that home equity can serve as a "buffer asset," shielding investments during economic downturns. Instead of selling investments when markets are down, it might be smarter to temporarily access a pre-arranged HELOC or reverse mortgage. Once markets recover, you can repay the credit line. This isn't debt panic — it's strategic damage control. Warren Buffett's Wisdom Applied to Canadian Retirement As an investor, Warren Buffett is the epitome of control and discipline. His now famous quote rings true in these times. “The stock market is a device for transferring money from the impatient to the patient.” Translation for retirees: Keep dry powder. Own quality investments. Don't chase fads. And stop looking for the bottom — nobody knows where it is until it's in the rear-view mirror. The Canadian "Brick-and-Mortar" Retirement Strategy Listen up, homeowners. Canadians whose retirement plan is pretty much: buy a home, pay it off, and repeat; "we're mortgage-free" with pride. This strategy is very common and effective. But let's be honest: if your home is part of your retirement plan, economic changes matter even more. If you’re in this camp, you need to accept the facts and plan how you'll use your equity to secure your retirement. It’s better to have a ready, aim, fire approach than the more typical fire, ready, aim! When markets decline, central banks often cut rates. Lower rates can support real estate — but they don't guarantee rising prices. Meanwhile, inflation drives up costs, buyers' budgets fluctuate, property values can soften, and retirees feel the impact most quickly. Even a modest dip in home values creates real erosion in net worth when your home carries the bulk of your financial future. The Case for Securing Home Equity Access Now It's much easier to qualify for credit when home values are higher, finances are stable, and you're not already in a pinch. Your options: Home Equity Line of Credit (HELOC) This includes products like Manulife One: Competitive rates and flexible options — but retirees often face income qualification barriers. Reverse Mortgage: No income needed, no payments required. Plus, the No Negative Equity Guarantee — you can never owe more than your home is worth — but retirees dislike debt! HESA (Home Equity Sharing Agreement): You get cash now in exchange for sharing a percentage of your home's future appreciation. No monthly payments, not technically debt, but you give up a share of future gains. This isn't about needing money today. It's about safeguarding your future from having to sell, downsize, or rely on credit card debt because the economy experienced a mood swing. It's insurance — with a door handle. Building Your Cash Wedge: Step-by-Step Calculate 12–24 months of living expenses. Select where to store each layer (high-interest Savings Account, cashable GICs, T-Bills). Refill the wedge with income from dividends, distributions, or planned draws Monitor your situation closely.  If your income is tight: consider arranging a home-equity line or reverse mortgage as a backup wedge - not an emergency scramble. Review annually — cost of living changes, inflation changes, and so should your wedge. The Bottom Line for Canadian Retirees The real question isn't "Do I need a Cash Wedge?" It's "Can I afford NOT to have one?" Retirees have limited capacity to earn income to cover shortfalls. Budgets can tighten unexpectedly. Inflation doesn't seek permission. And sometimes the thing we think we'll never need becomes the lifeline that secures our retirement. Your retirement security comes from: Owning quality investment Building reliable dividend income Preparing smart home-equity backstops Keeping emotions out of financial decisions Avoiding saving too much while living too little The Cash Wedge is the most boring tool in your retirement plan — and the most powerful. Yet most financial plans ignore it.  Don't. Sue Don’t Retire… ReWire!!! Want to become an expert on serving the senior demographic? Just message me to be notified about the next opportunity to become a "Certified Equity Advocate" — mastering solution-based advising that transforms how you work with Canada's fastest-growing client segment.

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