Reclaiming 'Spend': A Retirement Rebellion

Why it's time to shed the shame, silence the guilt, and proudly enjoy the life you've earned.

Jun 12, 2025

5 min

Sue Pimento

June is Pride Month—a celebration of identity, resilience, and the powerful act of reclaiming. Over the years, LGBTQ+ communities have reclaimed words that once marginalized them. “Queer” used to be a slur. Now, it’s a proud badge of honor. Similarly, the Black community has transformed language once used to oppress into expressions of cultural pride and connection.


So, here's a thought: What if retirees approached the word “spend” similarly?


Yes, you read that right.

The psychological Tug-of-War

This isn't just about numbers; it’s about narratives.


Most retirees have spent their entire adult lives in accumulation mode: save, earn, invest, delay gratification, rinse, and repeat. But retirement flips that formula on its head, and most people weren’t provided with a “mental user guide” for the transition.


Now, instead of saving, they’re expected to spend? Without a paycheck?

It triggers everything from guilt to fear to a low-grade existential crisis.


The Challenge of Saving for an Extended Period


Let’s get serious for a moment. The data tells a troubling story:


- Canadians over 65 collectively hold $1.5 trillion in home equity (CMHC, 2023)

- The average retiree spends just $33,000 per year, despite often having far more resources (StatsCan, 2022)

- Nearly 70% of retirees express anxiety about running out of money—despite having significant savings (FCAC, 2022)


We’re talking about seniors who could afford dinner out, a trip to Tuscany, or finally buying that electric bike—and instead, they’re clipping coupons and debating the cost of almond milk.


Why?  Because spending still feels wrong.



I Know a Thing or Two About Reclaiming Words


As a proud member of the LGBTQ2+ community and a woman who has worked in the traditionally male-dominated world of finance, I’ve had a front-row seat to the power of language, both its ability to uplift and its tendency to wound.


There were many boardrooms where I was not only the only woman but also the only gay person, and often the oldest person in the room. I didn’t just have a seat at the table; I had to earn, protect, and sometimes fight to keep it.


I’ve learned that words can be weapons, but they can also be amour—if you know how to use them.



Reflect on Your Boundaries


Take a moment. Have you ever felt prejudged, marginalized, or dismissed?

Perhaps it was due to your gender, sexuality, accent, skin colour, culture, or age.


It leaves a mark. One way to preserve your dignity is by building a mental toolkit in advance. Prepare a few lines, questions, or quiet comebacks you can use when someone crosses the line—whether they intend to or not.


Here are five strategies that helped me stand tall—even at five feet nothing:


1. Humour – A clever remark can defuse tension or highlight bias without confrontation.

2. Wit – A precisely timed comeback can silence a room more effectively than an argument.

3. Over-preparation – Know your stuff inside and out. Knowledge is power.

4. Grace under fire – Not everything deserves your energy. Rise above it when it matters.

5. Vulnerability – A simple “Ouch” or “Did you mean to hurt me?” can be quietly disarming—and deeply human.


Let’s Talk About Microaggressions


The term microaggression may sound small, but its effects are significant.


These are the subtle, often unintentional slights: backhanded compliments, dismissive glances, and “jokes” that aren’t funny. They quietly chip away at your sense of belonging.


Dr. Robin DiAngelo’s book White Fragility is a brilliant read on this topic. She explains how early socialization creates bias— “Good guys wear white hats. Bad guys wear black hats.” These unconscious associations become ingrained from an early age.


Some people still say, “I’m not racist—I have a Black friend,” or “I’m not homophobic—my cousin is gay.” The truth? Knowing someone from a marginalized group doesn’t exempt you from unconscious bias. It might explain the behaviour, but it doesn’t excuse it.


And no, there is no such thing as reverse discrimination. Discrimination operates within systems of power and history. When someone points out a biased comment or unconscious microaggression, they’re not discriminating against you—they’re holding up a mirror.


That sting you feel? It’s not oppression. It’s shame—and it’s warranted. It signals that your intentions clashed with your impact. And that’s not a failure; it’s an invitation to grow.


Calling it “reverse discrimination” is just a way to dodge discomfort. But real progress comes when we sit with that discomfort and ask: Why did this land the way it did? What am I missing? Because the truth is, being uncomfortable doesn’t mean you’re being attacked. It often means you’re being invited into a deeper understanding—and that’s something worth showing up for.



Let’s Reclaim 'Spend'


What if we flipped the script?

What if spending in retirement was viewed as a badge of honour?


Spending on your grandkids’ education, your bucket list adventures or even a high-end patio chair should not come with any shame.


You’ve earned this. You’ve planned for this. It’s time to reclaim it.


Let’s make “spend” the new “thrive.” Let’s make super-saver syndrome a thing of the past.


Let the Parade Begin


Imagine it: a Seniors’ Spend Parade.


Golden confetti.

Wheelchairs with spoilers.

Luxury walkers with cupholders and chrome rims.


T-shirts that say:


- “Proud Spender. Zero Shame.”

- “I’m not broke—I’m retired and woke.”

- “My equity funds my gelato tour.”


Dreams Aren’t Just for the Young


What’s the point of spending decades building wealth if you never enjoy it?


Reclaiming “spend” isn’t about being reckless—it’s about being intentional.

So go ahead—book the trip. Upgrade the sofa. Take the wine tour.

You’re not being irresponsible; you’re living the life you’ve earned.


And if anyone questions it? Smile and say: “I’m reclaiming the word spend. Care to join the parade?”


Sue

Don’t Retire…Rewire!


8 Guilt-Free Ways to Spend in Retirement

A checklist to help you spend proudly, wisely, and joyfully:

☐ Book the Trip – Travel isn’t a luxury; it’s a memory maker.

☐ Upgrade for Comfort – That recliner? That mattress? Worth every penny.

☐ Gift a Down Payment – Help your kids become homeowners.

☐ Fund a Grandchild’s Dream – Tuition, ballet, a first car—you’re building a legacy.

☐ Outsource the Chores – Pay for help so you can reclaim your time.

☐ Invest in Wellness – Healthy food, massage therapy, yoga. Health is wealth.

☐ Pursue a Passion – From pottery to piloting drones, go for it.

☐ Celebrate Milestones – Anniversaries, birthdays… or Tuesdays. Celebrate always!



Want More?

If this speaks to you, visit www.retirewithequity.ca and explore more:


- From Saver to Spender: Navigating the Retirement Mindset

- Money vs. Memories in Retirement

- Fear Of Running Out (FORO)


Each piece explores the emotional and psychological aspects of retirement—the parts no one talks about at your pension seminar.




Connect with:
Sue Pimento

Sue Pimento

Founder | CEO

Writer, author & presenter focused on financial literacy and retirement strategies. I advocate for the health, wealth & purpose for retirees

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Downsizing: The Biggest Retirement Myth We Keep Repeating featured image

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Downsizing: The Biggest Retirement Myth We Keep Repeating

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That charming condo may cost nearly as much as the house you just sold. 2. Selling releases meaningful capital. Transaction costs alone can consume eight to twelve percent of the home’s value. Commissions, legal fees, land transfer taxes, moving costs, repairs. What looks like a windfall on paper can shrink dramatically before you ever see the money. 3. New home costs will be lower and more predictable. Condo fees, special assessments, and rising insurance costs tend to quietly escalate. What was supposed to simplify your financial life can quietly complicate it. 4. The process is straightforward. Market timing plays a much larger role than most people realize. Selling in a soft market while buying in a strong one can erode value on both sides. Downsizing is not just a financial decision. It is a transaction with real timing risk. When all four of these assumptions weaken at once, the outcome can be very different from what was promised. And yet, despite the evidence, the advice has not changed. We still tell people to “just downsize,” as though the calendar hasn’t moved since 1987. Nostalgia is not a strategy. The Part Nobody Puts in the Spreadsheet Here is what the financial projections consistently leave out: the emotional weight of this decision is enormous, and most people dramatically underestimate it. We are not talking about a slight reluctance to pack boxes. We are talking about the deep, visceral human attachment to home. The place where you raised your kids, hosted Thanksgiving, walked the dog, and knew every creak in every floorboard. The urge to age in place is powerful, primal, and not remotely irrational. And when we dismiss it with a spreadsheet, we are not being helpful. We are being reckless. And here is the harder truth: to make the numbers actually work, people often need to move two or three hours away into smaller communities where housing is genuinely cheaper. That means leaving your neighbourhood, your friends, your church, your yoga class, your doctor of twenty years, and your very carefully curated hairdresser. (Finding a new hairdresser in a rural town? That is not a life transition. That is a medical emergency.) Re-establishing a full support network in an unfamiliar community is daunting and exhausting work for anyone at any age. It often requires the senior to resume regular driving, something many are quietly hoping to scale back. And then there is healthcare. Access to specialists, familiar family physicians, and hospital services is non-negotiable for most people over sixty-five. It does not figure neatly into a spreadsheet, but it absolutely figures into the decision. I have never once met a senior who said, “You know what, I’m really glad I had to find a new GP at 72.” The urge to stay put almost always wins. Here is something worth sitting with: every older person knows what it is like to be young, but no young person knows what it is like to be old. That asymmetry matters enormously in this conversation. A well-meaning adult child running scenarios on a laptop has never felt the specific, irreplaceable comfort of a neighbourhood they have lived in for thirty years. Really listening — not just problem-solving — can bridge that gap. Because retirement is a family affair. And the families who navigate it best are the ones where everyone feels heard before anyone pulls out a spreadsheet. The Conversation That Actually Needs to Happen Financing retirement is not a binary choice. Downsize or don’t. That framing does everyone a disservice, and spoiler alert: the senior will almost always choose not to downsize. The real question is what happens next, because “stay put and hope for the best” is not a retirement plan. It’s a wish. The more useful conversation is about how to create cash flow while staying put. And that conversation is a minefield if you are not prepared. Here is the first obstacle: suggesting any kind of loan to finance retirement is a spectacular lead balloon. These are people who spent forty years lecturing their kids to pay off their mortgages and eliminate debt. Debt is the villain in their financial story. It is a bug, not a feature. So when you walk in and suggest that borrowing against their home might be the solution, their internal switchboard immediately puts that call on permanent hold. And if you mention a reverse mortgage? The Cybertruck of mortgages. The product everyone has an opinion about and almost no one fully understands. You will get one of two responses: the “talk to the hand” or the look usually reserved for the person who reheats leftover fish in the office microwave. Is some of that resistance rational? Absolutely. But is some of it just fear in a hat — old anxiety dressed up as financial principle? Also yes. This is why the key is to ask, not tell. The moment you lead with a product, you’ve lost the room. Lead with questions instead: • What are your actual cash flow needs? • How are you planning to meet them? • Are you carrying debt that is quietly strangling your monthly budget? • Do you need a lump sum, or do you need more reliable monthly income? The answers look very different, and they lead to very different solutions. If the goal is to free up monthly cash flow, paying off high-interest debt using home equity may deliver an immediate and meaningful result. A home equity line of credit can do that cleanly. If the goal is ongoing income, a reverse mortgage can provide tax-free monthly payments or a lump sum without requiring a move or a monthly repayment. If there is room on the property, a secondary suite or an addition can generate rental income and potentially add long-term value. For those comfortable thinking a few steps ahead, using a reverse mortgage or HELOC to purchase an annuity or a small rental property creates a stream of sustainable income that has nothing to do with square footage. None of these options shows up in the standard “should I downsize?” conversation. They should. The biggest financial mistake most retirees make is not the decision they choose. It’s the options they were never shown. Back to Carol and Robert Their outcomes were not the result of luck or timing. They were the result of alignment. Robert moved toward what he wanted. Carol moved away from what she felt she should. One decision created a sense of expansion. The other created a sense of loss. No spreadsheet captures that distinction. But it is the distinction that matters most. Downsizing is neither inherently good nor bad. It is simply a tool. When it is driven by clear goals, realistic assumptions, and an honest accounting of both the financial and emotional realities, it can be genuinely transformative. When it is driven by habit, pressure, or advice that stopped aging well some time ago, it tends to lead somewhere Carol knows well. So before you follow the script, pause long enough to ask a different question. Not “Should I downsize?” but “What do I actually need, and what are all the ways I can get there?” Retirement is not about having less space. It is about having more life. The right strategy is the one that gets you there without sacrificing everything that makes life worth living in the first place. Your community. Your doctor. Your Sunday routine. Your hairdresser who finally knows exactly what you mean by “just a trim.” Downsizing is a tool. Like a hammer. Enormously useful when you actually need a hammer. Spectacularly unhelpful when what you really need is a different plan.  The goal was never to end up with less. It was to end up with enough. Ask better questions. You’ll get better answers. And maybe keep your hairdresser’s number. Sue Don’t Retire…Re-Wire!!! My Book is Now Available for Pre-Order I hope you will consider pre-ordering a copy of Your Retirement Reset for you, a friend, or a loved one. It will be on store shelves on September 8, 2026. You can now order on the ECW Press site here. And if you love supporting Canadian booksellers, please also check with your local independent bookstore.

MEDIA ADVISORY: Your Retirement Reset Book featured image

1 min

MEDIA ADVISORY: Your Retirement Reset Book

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