4 min
Do Teens Secretly Want Phone Boundaries More Than Adults Think?
Ask a parent about phones and teens, and you’ll hear the same story: “They’re glued to that thing and don’t care.” But when you ask teens themselves, a different picture emerges. A recent Pew Research Center study found that about 95% of U.S. teens have access to a smartphone — and around 4 in 10 say they spend too much time on it. (Pew Research Center) Coverage of the same data notes that over 70% of teens say they feel happiness or peace when they’re not tethered to their device, even as they rely on it for social life. (KTUL) Psychotherapist Harshi Sritharan, MSW, RSW, who works with teens and young adults on digital dependency, sees that ambivalence every day. “I have 12- to 15-year-olds who come in and say, ‘I know I’m kind of addicted to my phone,’” she says. “When a teenager says that, I’m relieved — it means we have something to work with.” She stresses that most young people don’t actually want to be left alone with endless scrolling — they want help making sense of it. Teen Limits Work Better Than Parents Think New data suggests that reasonable limits can help and that many teens benefit when parents set them thoughtfully. A tool parents can use is collaborative problem solving. This involves parents and teens working together to come up with a plan for the best strategies that combat everyone’s concerns while compromising. A 2024 Springtide Research Institute survey of 1,112 13-year-olds found that teens whose parents limit their screen time are less likely to be heavy users: only 32% of those with limits use their phone 5+ hours a day, compared with 55%of those with unlimited time. Just 24% of teens with limits said they’d felt like they had a mental health problem, versus 32% with no limits.(Springtide Research Institute) In other words, boundaries are mildly protective, not cruel, especially when they’re explained instead of imposed. Sritharan cautions against “no phones ever” rules that ignore school and social realities: “We can’t make blanket statements of ‘no screens’,” she says. “We shape how kids use devices so they can still get things done and spend more time engaging with their family.” That might mean agreeing on tech-free windows (like family dinners or the hour before bed) and tech-friendly ones (like a 45-minute bus ride where a teen can listen to music or message friends). Teens Are Leading a Quiet “Cutback” Movement Parents often feel like the only ones craving less screen time, but surveys show Gen Z is already trying to dial things down. A global survey cited by Tech Times and ExpressVPN found that about 46% of Gen Z are actively taking steps to limit their screen time, more than older generations.(Tech Times) Another U.S. poll commissioned by ThriftBooks found half of respondents are cutting back on screens, with Gen Z and millennials leading — and 84% adopting analog habits like printed books, paper planners and board games.(New York Post) Reporting on the “board game revival” among Gen Z echoes the same trend: young people are consciously seeking offline, face-to-face ways to connect.(Woke Waves) For Offline.now experts, this adds up to a simple message: teens aren’t fighting all boundaries — they’re fighting feeling controlled or misunderstood. Parents as Co-Pilots, Not Phone Police Executive Function Coach Craig Selinger, M.S., CCC-SLP says the real leverage point isn’t just new rules; it’s how parents model and co-create them. “If you want behavior change in kids, start with the parent model,” he says. “A 12-year-old will not put their phone away at dinner if their parents won’t.” He encourages families to focus on “little moments” where phones quietly block connection — especially car rides and in-between times when kids might naturally open up: “In the car, your kid is trapped with you,” Selinger says. “That’s when they start talking. If they’re on their phone the whole time, you lose those big conversations hiding in the boring moments.” Both experts emphasize co-designing boundaries with teens: agreeing together on tech-free times and how late-night scrolling affects mood and school performance. When teens feel heard — and see adults following the same rules — boundaries feel less like punishment and more like shared protection. For journalists, the story isn’t “teens vs phones” or “parents vs teens.” It’s that both sides are quietly overwhelmed, and many young people are more open to limits than adults realize — if those limits are built with them, not against them. Featured Experts Harshi Sritharan, MSW, RSW – Psychotherapist specializing in ADHD, anxiety, insomnia and digital dependency. She helps teens and young adults understand dopamine cycles, distinguish passive vs active tech use, and build realistic phone boundaries that support sleep, school and mental health. Craig Selinger, M.S., CCC-SLP – Executive Function Coach and child development specialist (Brooklyn Letters). He focuses on how tech use shapes learning, attention and family dynamics, and how parents can model healthy habits and co-create screen rules that actually stick. (Expert interviews can be arranged through the Offline.now media team.)
